Inheritance anxeity

[Summersoul]

I recently inherited a large sum of money after the death of both parents. Since having this money it's caused me so much anxeity snd I'm constantly worried if I'm doing the right thing. So far I've treated my family to a lovely holiday paid off some big debts snd put some away for my teens to help them later on. I am so grateful to be able to do these things but just having the responsibility of this is causing way more anxiety thsn I ever imagined. Has anyone else gone through similar? How do you cope with thus? I find every time I spend and of it, I have to justify every penny, and to be honest would much rather have my parents instead

I think you need to find your ‘fuck it’ energy. It doesn’t matter if you fritter it all. They could have frittered it all themselves or left it all to a cat shelter and the decision would have been taken out of your hands.

If you don't have any pressing debts, why not put it in a one year bond/savings account and take the pressure off. Money decisions should be rational but I suspect the anxiety is so linked to grief you are not at that stage yet.

Im sorry for your loss, its sounding like this is very recent deaths for both of your parents and you ll be very much int he process of trying to grieve for two parents. Most of us find it hard enough to grieve one parent let alone two at once.

In the midst of grief, I think the poster above its correct in saying put the money away in a high interest account and leave it for a year. In a years time you may look at things differently and be more sure of yourself.

There are some accounts paying just over 4%, Atom has some 6 month accounts aswell if you don't want to lock the money away for 12 months

Id also put money into an ISA account

Your feelings of having this money bringing you joy, as the debts are paid off, youve set up the children and had a nice holiday - thats what your parents would have wanted for you, they worked and saved etc and they'd want you to be able to have joy from their money - don't ever feel guilty about that.

Just put it into a low cost index tracker like FTSE Global All Cap and forget about it. Don't listen to the poster who says spend it all, that's a terrible idea. You are vulnerable and grieving after the death / loss of parents and making spending decisions at that time isn't always wise. It's even possible to go off the rails and do out of character things so probably best to put it away. Possibly use some for grief counselling. Good luck.

My mum went through this, though it was a more modest sum. She felt some unnamed pressure to 'do something' with it, and the thought of it made her panic.

I said just do nothing with it, leave it in the bank until you're reconciled with it and you can think of it as just money, not some kind of huge emotional burden.

Most people who inherit would prefer to have their loved one than the money, but it's all part of the long term grieving process.

I recently inherited about £80k and I paid off the mortgage, my credit cards, and bought DS a cheap car.
I feel incredibly grateful, confused, guilty and sad because the money symbolises the deaths of both my parents.

Sympathy for your losses. Losing loved ones is tough and the 'sadmin' of resolving estates is stressful.

I know what you mean about anxiety: feeling a responsibility to do the right thing for your family and to do what your parents would have wanted. I'm constantly trying to make sure that as little as possible is lost to taxes since I know my DH would not want his hard earned and carefully saved money to be gobbled up by HMRC.

Decades ago, a very rich aunt died, aged 99!, and I remember one of her grandsons saying that he knew she loved him and didn't need a big inheritance to confirm it.

It sounds like you have made sensible decisions so far with your inheritance and, as time goes by, I hope you'll find, as I have, that the intensity decreases. You'll still miss your DParents but you'll be more comfortable with your new situation.

I went through this when I inherited almost 100k. I was able to help my DC considerably but couldn’t spend any on myself. In the end I decided to spend any interest/profit I made on investments and not touch the lump sum.

Grief can bring up so many feelings and cause us to do many unexpected things. I’m sorry for your loss. Lock it away in investments and a fixed term ISA, then get yourself some counselling.

I disagree with this, the relative I inherited was such a non fritterer, I think it would matter if I frittered it away.

I too inherited a very large sum on the death of my parents.

I wouldn’t say it’s given me anxiety, but I haven’t spent any of it. My children inherited too, so I didn’t give them any. I gave half to my husband but we really don’t know what to do with it apart from give our kids a lump sum when they are ready to purchase houses. We keep thinking ‘we must get some financial advice…’, but 2 years on, we’ve done nothing.

Having a lovely holiday, paying off debts and saving some for your children are all sensible choices. Invest the rest (S&S ISA and premium bonds are tax free options) and then take as much time as you need to think about what, if anything, you want to do with the interest and the capital. But if it's invested it's working for you and you can forget about until you want to make a decision.

Options to think about:
Pay off your mortgage
House improvements
Move house
Family holidays
Invested for retirement (use ISAs for this, don't lock it in a pension), maybe use it to fund an early retirement?
Don't spend it on 'stuff' that will devalue

@JaninaDuszejko Out of interest why don’t say don’t lock it in a pension? Is it because of the rumoured abolition of some of the tax free lump sum this Budget? I get why ISAs are attractive though.

@FastTurtle it might matter to you, but not the deceased. That’s my point really… when someone dies we have to go through a stage of realising how meaningless it all is and the realisation that no one else is going to hold us to account before we begin to build our own meaning and values. The anxiety probably comes from being too emotionally dependent on others or resistant to feeling the loss of them, and the fear of us now having responsibility for ourselves and our own decisions.

Frittering it doesn’t matter in the scheme of things IMO because it’s a learning curve if nothing else. If you value the journey of life and the making of your character rather than only a perfect financial outcome, no choice of what to spend the money on is wrong.

I would be looking to spend the interest on the money and keep the lump sum intact if you have no immediate use for it. I would put it in one year fixed rate monthly income bonds, don't put more than £85k in any one bank/building society group to keep the FSCS protection. Depending how much it is that will give your income a bit of a boost while you think about what to do long term. It will take a while to think of it as your money and to think about using it, but your parents wanted you to have it to improve your life and your children's lives.

You are right that blowing it all isn't the right thing to do. But neither is telling them to put it in the FTSE all cap without understanding any details about their current financial situation, ages or financial objectives. You have no idea about their knowledge of investing and their risk tolerance.

Of course it matters if they fritter it away. If they actively choose to spend it all on stuff then that it up to them, but if it is a significant amount of money as they say then this money has the potential to seriously change/improve their lives and the lives of their kids in the future.

Worst advice ever!

I’m sorry for your loss.

I would suggest putting the money somewhere safe until you feel ready to make decisions about what to do with it eg high interest account (up to £85k with each). In the longer term it may well be sensible to invest some or all of it but that’s a decision you’ll need to consider (tax wrapper, timeline etc). If you are finding decisions difficult at the moment better to have the money somewhere secure where it is at least earning some interest. You don’t need to rush.

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to do nothing and wait and see what life brings.

And the award for the silliest and most immature advice goes to 🙄

OP my advice would be to research investments, spend time gathering knowledge on the various options and then establish your risk profile.

In the short term look at Money Supermarket for the best rates of interest and open a savings account that will make you some money whilst you weigh up your options.

So sorry for your loss. Please think about putting some in a pension for yourself in later life. Women are so underprepared for this.

If not mentioned already, please please do the Rebel Finance course and join their Facebook page. Really helpful. I’m sorry for your loss.

This is appalling advice. Ignore it OP.

You might alleviate the anxiety if you decide on a sum that it would be OK to fritter away and put the rest aside somewhere safe till you decide what to do with it. That way you don't need to feel guilty of worried every time you dip into the spending pot.