Inheritance anxeity

[Summersoul]

I recently inherited a large sum of money after the death of both parents. Since having this money it's caused me so much anxeity snd I'm constantly worried if I'm doing the right thing. So far I've treated my family to a lovely holiday paid off some big debts snd put some away for my teens to help them later on. I am so grateful to be able to do these things but just having the responsibility of this is causing way more anxiety thsn I ever imagined. Has anyone else gone through similar? How do you cope with thus? I find every time I spend and of it, I have to justify every penny, and to be honest would much rather have my parents instead

Thanks so much everyone some really great advice. I think I might buy a little rental property to help with uni snd cash flow

If its a genuinely huge sum of money, I would look into investments that would secure the future of your children. Is your mortgage paid? If it isn't, I would pay it down in lump sums. Maybe that would help you feel it had paid for something very tangible?

Ive recently inherited £25k. Ive decided to pay for a dream trip abroad for me and my husband (will cost around £11k), do a bit of essential maintenance around the house (will use around £5-6k) and put the rest in savings.

So, something I really want. Something I really need. And then sensible savings with the remainder.

Please don't do that.

You will be spending ££££ on maintenance and agency fees for not much return. The property will probably appreciate but that's a very long term outcome. And in the meantime you will have all the hassle of being a landlord. It's not easy.

If you want to invest, put it in a stocks and shares ISA.

I bought a car and invested mine. DH invested all his. A significant sum combined. We are both retiring next year at 55 and will then start spending and drip feeding it away to DC. Travel is high on the priority list. I know my DM at least would definitely approve!

I can honestly say I have never found having a large sum of money to be an onerous responsibility.

Have you inherited money?

There's always one🤣🤣

Clearly riled a lot of you. The problem OP presented was an emotional one (anxiety), but so many are ignoring that and pitching in with financial solutions. Misguided. It’s not about the financial choices - that’s a red herring. If you ignore the emotional realm it’ll pop up again in future, whether under a financial guise or in another area of your life. Fingers crossed it’s not a huge wake up call.

Please think very hard before doing this.
My final rental property becomes empty at the end of the week and I'm so relieved!

OP, maybe it would help to separate the money from your parents' lives. We will all die some day. They were going to die anyway at some point. But in their lifetime they managed to save some money for you. See the money as an expression of their love for you and your family, and also see it as evidence of their lives, not their deaths. They saved this in their lifetimes. Every time you spend it, you are celebrating how they chose to live. I've never been left money but DC both were by a very rich unmarried great uncle. It made a huge difference to them and I know they think of him with love and gratitude every day. They loved him and he has made their passage into adulthood a whole lot easier.

It's not a case of having them instead of the money. You had them and the money, if that makes sense.

Her emotional response is grief and is a completely normal part of life and does not need drugs or therapy. The majority of people are saying (in different ways) put it in savings and forget about it until you feel ready to make decisions, that's standard advice after a bereavement.

Partly yes, but also there's no tax relief on pensions for inherited sums put into a pension like there is for your salary so the biggest benefit of a pension (paying less tax) isn't there and so the downsides of a pension (not having access to the money for a long time) aren't balanced in the same way. She should have it in financial wrappers that give her longer term flexibility so she can spend it or share it with her children as she sees fit.

Don't do anything rash.. would be my advice we paid some stuff off... Maxed tax efficient savings like isa and premium bonds ( not great rates but can be easily get out) for everyone..
And take sometime to grieve.. I wouldn't rush to a buy to let there maybe better investments for you..

I mean no offence, but come on, people are struggling with household bills and your are talking about the anxiety of inheriting a large sum of money.

What I feel is never what I'd describe as anxiety, nor as grief. I would probably characterise it as a tremendous sense of responsibility.

I've lost two fairly wealthy relatives in quick succession. One died in blissful ignorance of how much she was actually worth; I managed it for her over the years but to her it was just numbers on statements and accrued pretty much by accident. The other had spent his entire life building up a wealth portfolio because he realised very early on that as a boomer he had incredible opportunities to amass lots of capital from a quite ordinary income which were unlikely to be repeated in future, and he wanted to ensure his descendents shared his fortune.

It is this thinking that weighs on my mind when I deal with this incredible slice of luck, knowing that decisions I make about the money now may potentially affect the prospects of my own DCs and their future children. A PP mentioned how people were responding with financial advice for an emotional problem, but I don't think it's easy to separate them. Long term financial planning, particularly on transferring the wealth to my DCs given changes to inheritance tax, is part of the emotional burden of responsibility.

I was fortunate. I knew that these inheritances were likely to come my way although obviously not the amounts or the timing. I was therefore able to build up some guiding principles on how to manage and use the money, and always had a similar mindset to the benefactors so I sleep soundly at night and don't feel that they are judging me from the afterlife. What they make of my sibling's attitude to it all is a different question!

If all this is quite recent and one of your concerns is future IHT, it would be worth getting advice on varying the will to put the inheritance into a discretionary trust for the benefit of your children. This could help you avoid IHT but comes with a few other costs so definitely something to take advice on, and whether it's worth it will depend on the sums involved.

Don’t do this without decent financial advice. Find a recommended IFA (independent financial advisor) and discuss things with them. You sound young and without any financial knowledge (like half the people on this thread).

My friend inherited from her Dad last year and feels the exact same way coz he was very careful with money and hated spending it so now she feels like he’s judging her from above if she spends any . She’s constantly asking for extra hours at work so that she doesn’t dip into this money and she feels the pressure that her Dad wouldn’t have wanted her to waste it but she doesn’t know what to do with it instead . She had a complicated relationship with him and the anxiety she feels is worse because he died whilst they weren’t in contact. he never did anything for his family whilst he was alive.

Sometimes money can be more of a hindrance than a help . You’ve got to do what you think is best at the end of the day . It’s your money now .

It’s perfectly ok for the OP to ask for advice. She feels how she feels. If you don’t like it, scroll on.

The way I view it, my FiL’s death enabled an inheritance that meant my DD had a good deposit on a nice house on the doorstep of my Grandson’s school - no other houses there have come up for sale in the 5 years since he died so it seems like providence.

It also enabled DH to give up a demanding career that was killing him, take a year off to retrain and now he runs his own business.

Enjoy it and be grateful.

People have given some useful advice here but nobody at all suggested buying rental property! There's a good reason for that – BTL landlords are getting out of the market in droves due to all the (over) regulation and high costs, plus the hassle of dealing with difficult tenants.

OP take notice of this message!
Get proper financial advice ASAP!

Everyone should use this as a lesson to talk to their children etc about how you want their inheritance to spent.

My parents have been clear that anything they leave to me is to make my life easier and make me happier. They’d feel awful if they left me a burden I was worrying about spending right. So I have full confidence that whether I choose to pay off the mortgage, go on a mega luxury holiday, invest into my pension or spend it all on Cadbury’s chocolate, so long as the decision makes me happy it’s the right decision and they’d be fully supportive.

Others might care deeply that it’s not frittered - then let your kids know it’s not for holidays, it’s for retirement or property or children’s educations. The worst thing about though is for people to be dealing with grief and a new absence of their parents while second guessing what they would want and needing their continued guidance when it’s sadly not available.

Yes after the death of my parents or did you miss that part