How do you manage income as married couple

[Richesme]

My husband earns above average salary whereas I earn minimum wage. I asked him once if I go full time if he can help me with the house work and he said we’ll go halves in everything. We’re gonna do joint account and £1000 each in it where our expenses are paid out from, and if any left for investments. Since he will have above £3000 after the £1000 he put in sharing account, I am left with £500. He sees this fair. I don’t know what to think about it.

Married for 5 years with a toddler

All in one pot here with my DH earning way more than me. Never questioned if it should be any other way.

I'm sorry your DH thinks the disparity is fair. You're raising his child! You've every right to feel that this isn't fair, you're meant to be working as a team.

Both salaries are paid into a joint account and then we have standing orders for personal spending money into our own accounts. We get equal spending money.

We are a team. Trad vows of ‘everything I have I share with you’ and we do. Used to earn similar amounts but I took a huge career hit having his kids & earn much less than him now. No way we want our children to view us as unequal financially.

One pot. We both have similar attitudes to spending and would discuss any significant spending.

Going halves is abusive if one of you is a high earner and the other is on minimum wage. Either you treat all money as completely joint, or you do everything in proportion eg 80/20 NOT HALVES and make sure you have equal fripperies money.

What your DH is proposing is not fair. He has remembered that 'what's yours is mine' but not 'what's mine is yours'.

You are married, you carried a baby for him, you sacrificed your career to do this, he needs to remember his part of being a team.

OP it really doesn’t matter what anyone else does, this is your 4th or 5th thread this morning about the same thing. Is there some new advice you are hoping to find? You’ve had some good advice already on all of your other threads.

Ours all goes in one pot - there have been points in our lives when I have been the higher earner, points when it's been DH, right now fairly level - but it's all family money.

Ask him how he'd feel if the tables turned and you became the higher earner? If he lost his job or became ill and able to work - what does he envisage would happen?

If it works for you then that's great, but personally that isn't a relationship I'd want to be in.

We share everything and I would never marry or have a child with anyone who thought of ' his money' and ' my money'.

We share all our income.

we don’t do his and hers money we have ‘our’ money.

we pool all resources together.

some times he’s earned more, sometimes me. It doesn’t matter - we share

You are not roommates splitting everything 50/50 you are a married couple with a child. Your marriage is a legal contract not just a piece of paper. Everything into one pot with equal personal spending amount if finances allow moved into individual bank accounts automatically.

That way you get financial transparency especially if he has a pay rise and all child related expenses come out of the joint account. Finances should be talked about. Dh and I have been together almost 30 years. In that time I out earned him, he then out earned me, I was a sahm earning zero.

I suggest you put forward the scenario that if he is in a bad car accident tomorrow and is out of work for 12 months recovering physically from the injuries or he has a stroke, would he want to be the one on the lower sick pay money and you get to keep your new full time wage? How would he even pay his 50% share of everything? This is meant to be a marriage.

He is filling his pension pot on his wage whilst you are on a lower amount. If you were to divorce you would be entitled to monies not earned by you, you would be entitled to a share of his pension as all assets acquired during a marriage are distributed fairly, not equally, but fairly.

Do you see it as fair? Are you a team or not? Are you both competent with money? Does either of you gamble or have debts you can't service?

We have a joint account. My DH earns above average, I earn approx minimum wage from self employment. His money pays all the family's costs - bills, my pension, food, treats, clothes, kid's expenses. Absolutely everything, plus a little which he saves for our kids and for himself. My income is paid into my business account, most of it goes into short and long term savings. I generally manage the whole of the money in terms of budget, savings etc

When either of us want to buy something we use the joint account, we don't need to ask each others permission although if it was a more expensive purchase we'd discuss it first.

All in one pot here, we share everything and support each other as it should be in my opinion. It works for us and has been this way since the day we moved in together.

You're married, all assets are joint regardless of how much each of you earn. Why on earth would you contribute 50/50 when your salaries are so different? You're not housemates.

We have always contributed proportionately into the joint account according to our income. And we have equal 'fun' money to spend on ourselves.

All in one pot.

My husband brings home about £3700 a month whereas I only bring home about £800 (sometimes less). He brings home at least over 4 times what I do.

Our bring home pay all goes in the same pot and then we each take £300 out a month for our own personal spends.

All bills come out of the joint pot.

There is no way on earth my husband would see me have less 'personal spending' money than him just because he earns more.

Married 6 years this year, together 9. We are both 34, one DC and in rented property. Both earn 28K, both work full time. Joint account, every penny is both of ours.

during our time together, we have both separately been out of work, or at uni, or maternity etc. never changed how we do things.

share our debt too, we have a joint loan we’re paying back and joint credit card

we’re a team

All into one account here and that’s always been the way.

We put everything in one account. I wouldn't be happy with your set up, it doesn't feel fair and I'd be miffed if my dh was happy to see me have so much less than him.

Bills in a joint account we pay in a percentage of our earnings so we both have the same money left over.
Whilst if you split you could be entitled to half the savings he makes you currently have no access or control of them. You are presumably paying less into a pension too so will be less secure in retirement. But you cant afford to pay more into your pension either.
id start contributing less to the bills account and question why your dh wants you to have a lesser lifestyle than his?

As it should be. Blows my mind that anyone does it any differently to this.

All one pot. We’re married and share everything. We give ourselves a set amount each month into personal accounts to buy presents etc out of but really it’s all joint.

We do and always have had separate accounts but we basically earn the same and split the bills.
I wouldn’t be happy with your set up though given you’re a low earner and he’s a high earner.

Would he think it fair if he had less spending money than you?

How many threads do you feel is necessary in one morning for the same topic? I think I’ve seen at least 3/4. What are you hoping to gain? You need to come to some agreement with your husband. We can tell you what we think is fair but we’re not in your marriage. My only advice now would be get off Mumsnet and go speak to your husband, you’ve had advice from plenty of posters

I earn a lot more than my husband. I work 90%, he works full time. 2 kids. All money goes into one pot. We are a family, why wouldn’t we share?

Both salaries (DH's is about 20 times mine!) go into the joint account. A set amount goes into savings which are technically in my name but as we are married are joint. Then we both take out an equal amount of spending money which goes into our personal accounts and is ours to do with as we wish.

I bet he wouldn't think it "fair' if it was the other way round!