Father-in-law wants to gift my husband a house – in my husband's name only

[esgill]

My husband's parents have been undergoing a painful divorce for the past five years, arguing via their lawyers about the financial terms.

Now, my father-in-law contacted my husband to say he wants to give him money to buy a house – on the condition it's only in his name. My husband argued over this – but his dad basically said his way or the highway. He says it's not about trust but what else is it – I guess he's disillusioned after five years of legal battles.

Our question: how enforceable is this, actually? His father is abroad, in another continent. We're married, without a pre-nuptial agreement (though we got married abroad, I wonder if we'd need to do anything to legalise it here?

Otherwise, my husband said we could change the contrast so it's in both of our names. (is that easy to do?)

We have a young daughter and I have no intention of leaving my husband unless he does something insane like cheat on me. We've been together now for 10 years and know each other for a further four when we were friends. But I want security, for me and my daughter.

OP Mmm I know what you mean but I don't think that will be us -- and I also don't want to raise my daughter to be so wary of trusting people. A little wariness is healthy. Too much is detrimental to community and connection. Especially if she'd been with someone for years, I would trust her judgement. Life is uncertain. Things happen. But marriage is a commitment towards love, not a transaction IMO.

Ultimatly though the reason you want the house to be in your name too is because you are thinking about what will happen if you divorce your husband. If you weren’t wary and you trusted him completely then it wouldn’t matter to you if the house was in his name.

@esgill no, you don’t need to do anything for your marriage to be recognised in the UK. We were moving abroad and needed legalised documents for the residency process in another country.

This whole OP and thread is about protecting yourself by having your name on the deeds, @esgill , so clearly you know that relationships can go south. Yet at the same time you're being holier than thou about your relationship, and resenting your FIL having that same awareness, and also acting protectively.

Nah, it sounds like his father wants take out the pain of his divorce by trying to drive a wedge between his son and his wife. Perhaps he hopes they will divorce as well. Misery loves company after all.

I think OP and her husband need legal advice; not just about the ownership of the house, but also about taxes they will have to pay over this gift with strings attached.

Personally, I wonder if this is an attempt from the father-in-law to hide assets from his wife. The divorce is still going on as I understand it.This could end up dragging OP's husband into the legal battles around this divorce.

No im mainly concerned about what would happen if he died! I am very confident we’ll stay together.

Wow, this says a lot about you and nothing about me. My husband and I are concerned about what would happen if he died and our daughter and I were without a house.

It’s from inheritance which is protected and his mum is aware. We’re actually more on her side as he cheated on her. It does feel he’s projecting his own problems onto us though — he says it’s not about trust but he wouldn’t have considered this before his own divorce which was entirely his fault. If their divorce is messy it’s because MIL has lasting resentments.

Because it is an interesting move to make at this point - and I think you recognise that which is why you are so hurt

if he isn’t trying to protect the inheritance from his wife he is trying to protect it from you

All it means to me is that he has little idea about property law and isn’t really thinking this through much but the outcome is he is putting a wedge between himself and me.

If the house is solely and legally owned by your husband, and he dies, it will go to whoever his will nominates. As long as that’s you/you and your child, that’s fine. Nothing to do with your FIL.

if he does without a will, it will depend on the rules of intestacy where you live.

so, the most important thing you can do is to make sure both you and your husband have up to date, valid wills that reflect this, done by a proper solicitor. Hopefully you have this anyway to say what would happen to your wealth and your child if you both die ( and don’t forget things like insurance and death in service benefits can add up to a big sum).

We don’t have this, thanks for the reminder. Not planning on dying any time soon but you never know. I know so many people who have suddenly died :/

Well he just makes a will leaving it to you! Why would he not?

My post says zero about me. I was extremely happily married to my late husband, and we liked absolutely everything. My take on your OP was based on the couple that I talked about in an early response.

Wills make life much simpler for the surviving partner. Also you should include provision for who i/are the guardian(s) for your children if you both die. I realise that this seems unlikely but unfortunately happened to someone I knew.

Even with no will your child would have a claim on your husband estate as a dependent if you are in England (and most countries), you would have if you are a dependent. In Scotland inheritance is different and you both have rights.

Thank you, this is good to know. We’ll get on it!

It is your father in law’s wishes and nothing you can do about it and he must have his reasons for the stipulation. It will become a marital asset anyway as others have said. Your husband should accept it graciously.

Yes his reasoning, as my husband and I both agree, is that it’s a bit of a power trip/lingering patriarchal values. Much of the same sentiment is coming across in the divorce proceedings. We will accept and we will be grateful to no longer have to rent but my husband doesn’t appreciate that it’s being laid out like this. In any case, in the eyes of the law, a gift is a gift and my husband can change the terms as he sees fit after.

Would you live in this house? I would get some legal advice along with doing wills which are vitally important

"Apparently"??

Are you insane?

Why haven't you bothered to find out?

@NoahDia OP has been told by many people that as long as it's legal where they were married it's legal here. She has no need to do anything more. Are you insane to say otherwise?

And if she was 100% sure of that, she wouldn't have said 'apparently', would she?

But she should be sure - again are you insane for suggesting she needs to do more.

What sort of low life would lie to their own father when the father is giving them hundreds of thousands of pounds
what sort of low life father would project his own relationship issues onto his son, and not think about the risk to his sons and granddaughters set up by creating such financial disparity in the family

just because someone gives you lots of money doesn’t mean you have to do what they say either, and a gift is a gift it’s up to the receiver what they do with it.

Unfortunately, that is unlikely to protect the money you gave to your daughter if she and her husband were to divorce. The law relating to the division of assets upon divorce is...how shall I put it.....complicated. It is extremely difficult for parents to give money to their offspring which will not be taken into account upon divorce.

I am particularly taken up with this issue at the moment because I have young adult children of my own and am painfully aware that they will need the assistance of the bank of mum and dad to get onto the housing ladder. I would very much like to protect any money we give them from any future spouse, no matter how lovely they are. I know how fragile marriages are nowadays and how quickly family relationships sour. In my view, long lasting relationships and those involving children, such as the OP's, are different.

As has been said the money is just a marital asset but there's no reason you can't get the title changed to both names once the house is bought.

However gifts over 3k (I think) can be subject to IHT if the donor dies within 7 years and also if your FIL needs care in the future and it's suspected that he's given away assets to avoid paying for care the council could come after the money (and therefore the house that's bought with it). I don't have experience of this (deprivation of assets) so don't know how it's proven but there's no time limit. If he is fit and currently has no care needs then it seems unlikely this would happen but he/you should take legal advice regardless.

Also a couple of times you've mentioned it being your husband's "inheritance" from his dad but it isn't. It's a gift.

I am going to presume your pedantry is not ill-intended. Apparently is quite a normal turn of phrase – I can hardly believe that our officially translated but poorly translated bit of paper is legal here but it makes sense that it is -- it worked to secure my husband a visa and citizenship.