Inheritance - fair and equal?

[JollyTeaScroller]

Sometimes fair does not translate to equal.
Parents who have 3 kids, two of them very well off with older kids and houses that cost 1m, and the third kid came out of a bad divorce, remarried, just had a baby and has nothing to their name and is struggling to get a mortgage.
Parents want to be fair so they are leaving their house to all 3 siblings.
And I understand and respect that, but isn't there something to be said about what is fair.
So for example if their house proceeds leave 150k to all 3 siblings, the 50k would just be extra money for the first two siblings, no great amount, but for the 3rd sibling that would mean they could have a healthy deposit to buy a house for their new family.
It's not going to happen, as parents want to be fair, but just wanted your views on it.

It's hard abd no real right answer.

It's like what will happen if my parents leave my sibling and I anything. My sibling is very well off, sending both kids to private school, got a healthy inheritance coming from one elderly parent, already had a healthy inheritance from a deceased parent. I'm in the process of an experience divorce just hoping to get enough left over to buy a house in an area where the schools are not awful.

I'll not lie, but if my parents split what they left us 50/50 I'd be disappointed, but I'd understand. 50k woukd make a huge difference to me, but it'd barely pay for a single school year for my sibling, simply because my sibling has the fortune to marry into money and then also not be cheated on leading to the breakdown of their marriage

What? You are actually asking for inheritance to be means tested by the parents. You must be mad.

Hmm in the first picture the taller one would pick the little one up so s/he could see. Etc. And sometimes, life isn’t fair, it isn’t equal that’s the way it can be.

What annoys me is when some people have a poor me attitude and do nothing to change their situation. But complain about it on and on.

you see, this is the case of another friend of mine, her sister has been a drug addict all her life and she is now (during this time period) clean, so the parents have changed the will to an equal 50/50 split betwen my friend and her sister.

(when her sister was in active addiction they had changed their will then to leave most of the estate to the clean sister and asked her to give money to her sibling if she is clean when they die)

so this throws up a lot of other questions. (yes philosophical and practical ones as well for the sarcastic commenter above)

what happens if the sister relapses after the parents death? same as your sister in law, the parents are now supporting the clean sister financially and emotionally, so there is a risk she might relapse when they die

is it fair putting that pressure and responsibility on the clean sister to say, we wil leave it all to you and then you make a judgement according to what you think is happening when we die?

If they are fair and equal and proceed with the 50/50, then there is a very real possibility that if the sister relapses, her part of the share will just go up in smoke overnight, but this is the risk they need to take as parents if they want to be fair and equal

for someone who is debating on behalf of a friend, you’ve brought up some insignificant detail. Who cares if her siblings own a £1m house? And are still married. This country already taxes the siblings, maybe even 40% and maybe even to provide benefits for the 3rd sibling. The house might have no equity. Paying off interest only and a high interest rate at that. You don’t know enough to start a debate.

Bloody hell op

this is all getting very outing

This image though is about physical differences that the people have no control over.

It would be a different conversation if it was - my friend was struck by lightning and is permanently disabled, should she inherit more? Whereas this seems to be more - should her parents treat her more favourably than her brothers (I bet it's brothers based on the way you talk about women) because she chose a different career path, had her children later, chose her spouse poorly and had to start again?

YABU.

Although you are saying it's is your friends situation you seem to be very emotionally involved in who gets the money.

The parents decide where the money goes. And they have decided to share it equally I agree with them. And the reasons have all already been shared.

No one knows what the future holds. The rich siblings may end up poorer etc.

Your friends seems content with the situation. I hope you aren't sat there telling her how unfair it all it and pot stirring.

Like you said if she is happy. That's that. When it's your own turn you can decide what to do for your own future.

I’m a parent with 3 (adult) children similar story 2 in better financial position than the third.
Solution for us; give extra now while alive.
Final inheritance will be split 3 ways.

just different examples/versions of the same question really
what is fair

Yes, thank you. Seems to be the best way.

The only fair option is that all 3 kids receive the same amount. It’s hardly the fault of the other 2 siblings if one sibling messed up in life (not saying that it was necessarily their fault, but still). If the other two siblings want to offer help to the third sibling then that’s up to them, but it’s not fair that they should automatically lose their inheritance because of them.

I have three children, 2 are disabled but the 3rd is not. I will be leaving them all equal amounts. The non disabled one has already had less of my time than the other 2, they’ll not be getting less of my money too.

If I were the parents in this case (and it's really only their perspective that's important, as it's their money, their decision, I'd probably be looking to try and ensure that the less well off child had a reasonable chance to get somewhat established in life before spitting other assets equally.

But that picture is not accurate if they all had the same upbringing and opportunities. I’m not saying this is how it is for your friend, but in the case where one child can’t hold a job, is crap with money and prone to debt, jumps into bad relationships, or whatever situation that leaves them at a financial disadvantage, do you think it’s fair that they are rewarded with extra inheritance above and beyond their sensible siblings?

You have told us a lot of information about this family

you see, this is the case of another friend of mine, her sister has been a drug addict all her life and she is now (during this time period) clean, so the parents have changed the will to an equal 50/50 split betwen my friend and her sister.

goodness, you and your friends do seem to have lots of chats about inheritances.

It doesn't matter who's doing best in life. It should be split equally.

Goodness, you seem to write a lot of comments that merely exlaim 'goodness' and 'bloody hell' and 'good heavens' without actually saying anything at all.

Why don't you do something else with your time if my posts annoys you so much?

I am asking for opinions from people and a lot of them reply with really interesting answers, which is why I thought to include the other example to see people's views. It follows my initial question about fairness.

The information on the family is anonymised and changed slightly so there is no fear of identification, if that is your concern as you used the word 'outing' (??) which I do not understand what it even means when anonymous people post about anonymous people on an internet forum.

But no one knows what the future holds. You could win the lottery and your sibling’s partner could have ring fenced inheritances and screw your sibling over in an acrimonious divorce. Or one of her dc could end up severely disabled needing 24hr round the clock intensive medical care.

It’s up to the person leaving the money. My dad will leave my brother and I a great inheritance. But only if my dad doesn’t need it. We want him to enjoy his life.

my brother is a millionaire, big house, great car and lovely life. Got lucky with IT. I am doing ok but certainly have to save. I know any inheritance is left 50/50 and I am fine with that. I could do with more but It’s my dad’s money. If he wanted to he could leave it to a charity.

software company? Tech has big money. Especially if in sales or if the company goes public and they have shares.

I think it should always be equal. Circumstances can change. And sometimes, people are better/worse off because they have made better/worse choices. They should get equal treatment from their parents regardless.

The only time I think it's fair to leave unequal amounts is where there are disabilities that mean that one sibling won't be able to support themselves. Then I think it's fair enough for the parents to make financial provision for them over and above what they give to any other kids.

Relax op

you and your friend seems to have very I depth inheritance discussions about their parents changing their wills, and indeed with the friend you had the recent convo with… you know the ins and outs of her siblings and parents finances. I just find that a little odd 🤷‍♀️

each to their own and all that

personally I wouldn’t be starting a thread about a close friend’s personal financial circa and that of her family. But… well I suppose each to their own!

So why I think it’s outing….

two of them very well off with older kids and houses that cost 1m, and the third kid came out of a bad divorce, remarried, just had a baby and has nothing to their name and is struggling to get a mortgage.

it is my friend, and we were having this conversation yesterday

she went through IVF