Inheritance - fair and equal?

[JollyTeaScroller]

Sometimes fair does not translate to equal.
Parents who have 3 kids, two of them very well off with older kids and houses that cost 1m, and the third kid came out of a bad divorce, remarried, just had a baby and has nothing to their name and is struggling to get a mortgage.
Parents want to be fair so they are leaving their house to all 3 siblings.
And I understand and respect that, but isn't there something to be said about what is fair.
So for example if their house proceeds leave 150k to all 3 siblings, the 50k would just be extra money for the first two siblings, no great amount, but for the 3rd sibling that would mean they could have a healthy deposit to buy a house for their new family.
It's not going to happen, as parents want to be fair, but just wanted your views on it.

al. (I do not care really for these comments that are harsh or personally attack me or are sarcastic. )

oh buck up Op, seriously

I’ve got four adult children. They have each made different choices in their lives. Each could probably put up a decent argument for being a hard worker or deserving more. They’re all great young people. But, inevitably they won’t end up in the same financial position. One has prioritised travel. One has more children. One has a partner who has chosen to work only very part time (no children). One has a partner who does a very important community based job, but for very low pay. This is only a glimpse into the varied choices that lead them to be in different financial places.

Any inheritance will be divided four ways, equally.

What I leave is not a judgement based on their life choices.

That is a silly graphic that’s often used to illustrate issues around diversity in the workplace, and has been widely discredited as being useless as it doesn’t reflect the many other varied aspects around fairness, equality, equity. I could go at length about that image but it’s irrelevant here.

With the issue you’ve posted about, “your friend” should try to remember that their parents’ will and any inheritance that comes from it is not a mechanism for balancing equality, setting the siblings up in life or rewarding them in any way. They were born equally to the parents and have grown into adults, capable of managing their own lives, however different from each other that may be. The will is simply an administrative distribution of the parents’ assets, with the message tied to it that the parents love each of their kids equally.

Its pretty selfish and grabby to be debating it while the parents are still alive.

It has to be an equal 3 way split imo. Sibling 1 and 2 shouldn’t be punished for having achieved well.

I think in the situation you mention, equal is the fairest way because nobody knows what the future holds & to add to that, it’s not up to the parents to fund your friend’s unaffordable life choices.

She chose to have another child she couldn’t afford so why should that mean she gets a bigger share of £? They could all do similar in that case, one could take out a huge mortgage on a fixed upper they can’t really afford and ask for the extra, another could have another child as well and then ask for the extra.

Your friend is grabby. The only fair thing is to divide up the inheritance equally between siblings.

"You were financially sensible and chose a partner wisely" shouldn't mean they are penalised in favour of a sibing who chose unwisely.

I think unless there is a serious disability requiring lifelong help that all siblings should be left equal amounts.

I think unless there is a serious disability requiring lifelong help that all siblings should be left equal amounts.

Yabu and grabby. Whats to say the parents wont need to go into care homes & there will be no money left?

We have had similar in my extended family in that one sibling was a millionaire. The parents still left everything equally to their dc (which I think is right) & then millionaire sibling took 30k out of his share for a holiday & gave the rest back to the other two siblings.

Gosh...
Why so attacking?
Equal fair share is what they will do, as this is what seems fairer to the parents too.
This is just a discussion!
My friend is not grabby or greedy or entitled (nor did she make bad life choices, things happen, as you all say!), she did accept very gracefully that this is the parent's wishes.
I am the one debating it, as something similar has happened to my family and was thinking about fairness and equity for my own children too.
You see how making assumptions about a stranger on the internet does not contain any grace?
I suppose it's rich asking for mumsnetters to contain some nuance eh?!

Except an extra child you can’t afford doesn’t just “happen”- there are quite a few choices and actions that come before you get to this point.

“Why so attacking”?

good heavens OP

really?

Equal division is fair because you never know what could change in anyone’s life. The married “rich” ones might have ruinous divorces. Or their spouse could die and then they find out that the family finances are not what they thought (has recently happened to a friend of mine).

My friend is not grabby or greedy or entitled (nor did she make bad life choices, things happen, as you all say!), she did accept very gracefully that this is the parent's wishes.

and then got together with a friend and let rip about their financial circumstances - which was not appropriate. Fine to talk about your own , others? No

An extra child doesnt just happen, she choose to have said child knowing her circumstances were dire its not fair that others have to
go without because she choose that life.

Three way split.

She only has one child and she is absolutely fine, has a good job and partner has a good job.
They went through IVF so very costly and they are okay where they live in rented accommodation. They can manage, they are not destitute.
The question is that she will probably never own her own house, which is why I was debating it, because as a parent, I would like to think all my children at least have their own house when I die, so if I knew the other two have multiple properties and the third one none, how would I feel about this.

But my friend does not think it's as important to own property, as much as I feel.

Maybe it's a cultural thing.

The question is that she will probably never own her own house,

how old is she?

And she will inherit a third of an estate
but still you think no chance of ever home owning?

Read your own words- “just had a baby and has nothing to their name and is struggling to get a mortgage.” Doesn’t sound like she is absolutely fine at all really, why choose to have a child in that position? And having made that choice, why think your parents should pay for it?

As others have said, you have no idea what could happen after you die. You could leave it all to her and within a year of your death the other two kids could be single and homeless.

You're muddling up style and content. People have nuance, they see that an orphaned child, or someone with severe disabilities may require agreement for a different split.

People on MN tend towards blunt. One of the reasons I love it here. I can't bear, "kindly, and with respect, I think, but you can disagree, I mean I see your point..." nonsense. But that doesn't lack nuance. Possibly it lacks grace, I'd say it lacks the constant qualifying language women are expected to use.

OP your definition of fair is based on need but if you follow that logic the money should be left to some poor widow in Congo or something.
Inheritance only happens because a person is related to someone else. All the children are equally related so should get equal shares.

Every single time you write a post, I read it first, think it’s bang on, then glance at the name and it’s you again.

what she said.

The only fair thing for the parents to do is to leave their estate equally to their 3 offspring.

If I was v wealthy and my kids and I had a guaranteed wealthy future, I might relinquish my share of my parents estate to struggling siblings or their Dc, but that is up to the siblings.

Sorry Op, your friend is BU to think anything else.