How on earth am I suppose to do this!!

[Summersparkles123]

I'm mid thirties. Never owed a property. Since mum to 1 DC. Had to take a job in a school term time to work around my DC as I have no outside support to enable childcare to look after them in the school holidays.
How on earth am I ever supposed to 1. Save a deposit for a house and 2. Earn enough to be able to borrow enough for a house.
I just feel so down. I don't know what else I can possibly do. I'm the highest paid I can be in the sector I'm in but it's still not enough.
Got another 10 or so years until DC is independent from me and I can work 52 weeks of the year. I still don't even know if that's enough.
Solo/single parents how did you do it?? People may say work more but I don't want to not be there for my child.

Sympathy just went out of the window. Working full time in no way means not being there for your kids and it often means being able to provide them with a more comfortable and secure life, with more opportunities.

It sounds like you’ve made your choice based on what you perceive to be the upsides and will now have to live with the downsides. Suck it up.

As others have said, it’s all about choice. Full time working mothers constantly get comments like the ones you’ve made. The upside is more financial security. I’m senior enough to have the flexibility of being able to do school drop off and pick ups 4 out of 5 days, and wfh in holidays, however I only had 6 months mat leave with my first and have had to put up with years worth of comments and guilt trips from people saying they couldn’t bear to go back to work full time and miss out on time with their kids.

You've made your choice op. It's not a wrong choice but every choice has advantages and disadvantages. Your choice means you have more time with your child so that's good. It also means you will have less money than someone who makes a different choice ...not so good. You can't expect to work part time hours and have the same financial means as others working full time.

I’m 59 and was a latch key kid from age 6. We were totally feral though not badly behaved, just wild. I mean completely left to our own devices. We did get really told off and a big spanking after swimming in the sea when it was snowing by ourselves once. It was a life of climbing trees, swimming in the sea, having picnics in abandoned pig stys on farms and cow pat fights with zero parental supervision.

My Mother worked FT in a very responsible job and was widowed when I was 13 I don’t think children have childhoods like that now and I’m sure you would be reporting my Mother. But it did make us extremely resilient and adaptive. Plus it was really great fun. I remember my Mother as being one of the most interesting and fun people I have ever met, wildly eccentric.

I think your comment about seeing kids sad if their parents work FT is really offensive.

You can, and probably should if you want to get a house, get a fulltime job once your children goes to high school. In the meantime there is help with childcare costs on childcarechoices.gov.uk

Quite.

I also ‘work in children’s safeguarding’. I’m a teacher.

Before I had children I went to university.

Then I got married. We both worked full time, saved up for an house and then we had children.

That’s how I did it.

Just to add. I wish my DD could have afforded to make the same choice as you but it wasn't possible. Great work/life balance if you can manage it. Does UC help in school holidays? You seem set on the choice you've made op. Own it. Enjoy it's advantages and don't dwell on it's limitations and I guess you'll feel much happier regarding the choices you'v💐

Chosen 😁

Kindly, owning a home isn’t a right or entitlement for everyone and never has been. Only the right to live in a safe home which presumably you have now, even if you’d prefer not to rent.

If DH and I hadn’t waited to have kids and saved up hard for many years first, going without starting a family as well as many other things we probably wouldn’t have been able to afford to buy either but that was our priority so we waited longer to have kids.

You have one child who is 8 - easily old enough to go to after school care and holiday clubs. not working full-time is a luxury you cannot afford if you want to buy a property.

There are plenty of hours left in the evenings and at weekends to spend quality time with your child. I know whereof I speak - I had 3 and always worked full-time.

It is your choice.

You've made your choice. Live with it. Some of us chose to work more and own houses, go on holidays etc. You do you and stop judging my choices. My kids aren't sad because I work full time. They are all now nearly adults living great lives.

It’s not essential to own a house, in your situation you will have to rent. However, you can utilise wraparound care for your DC and work more hours and earn more money. That’s how the rest of us do it.

Yepe too it's what t you have to do if you work full time

What do you want from this thread OP?

Suggestions how to buy a house as a single mum working PT? You know that's just not going to be an option don't you?

Suggestions how to increase your income perhaps?

Sympathy? I'm afraid you are unlikely to get that either because you are actually very fortunate to be able to live on one PT salary. If that's your choice, make your peace with it and celebrate the good aspects of that choice. You can't have it all.

You sound like my SIL: wants to own a home, have abroad holidays etc.
Doesn't want to work for it - likes a part time term time wee work number.
Because bad parenting to her is after school childcare and she’s too busy ‘making memories’

We made a different choice to earn, have a secure home and accept that childcare isn’t the devil.

Even back in the days when housing was a lot cheaper, a single parent working term time only usually wouldn't have been able to afford a house without family help.

No idea say aged 15/16 after gcses i guess

I'm sorry if that upsets people the comment I made. But unfortunately in reality I do a job where I see it often. I'm not saying their choice is wrong either. As people have said its a choice I guess.
Alot of kids miss their parents especially younger ones in the school holidays if parents can't get the time off.
Just sad I don't have support around me to help with childcare

Well unfortunately not everyone's like is as logical as that. Life has dealt me some cards where I had no choice but to leave DC father for our safety. Wish I could have had a life like that

Well if you work in safe guarding then it’s obvious you will see plenty of kids like that. In reality a huge amount of happy well rounded kids have parents that work full time and in school holidays. Your judgemental attitude is a bit shit and you are deliberately offending people who have offered advice and their own experience. What did you even want from this thread? Do you think the universe owes you a mortgage?

I'm not sure what advice you want then? You're choosing to work part time, so can't afford to buy a house. I mean, that's just that isn't it? You can't go back and re-make decisions that led you here...buy before kids etc, so all you can do is take action now.

Or don't! But acting hard done by whole not doing anything to change your situation seems a little ridiculous.

Do you get help with your rent etc?

The way I managed was to work over 30 hrs a week and claim tax/universal credits.

It was not enough to buy a house, but it allowed me to progress in my career until I didn’t need tax credits anymore and I could feel more relaxed about money.

I don’t have any family around or people who could help me with childcare or give me some respite but U decided to stop working jobs that fit school hours because they were not taking me or our finances anywhere. I obviously would have preferred to spend my time with my son, but I could only ensure we both were ok in the long run by working full time and making the best of the time we had together.

Over the years I have seen a lot of mums not feeling happy about putting the kids in nursery or after school clubs, but I have also seen that those children spend far more time in front of the TV or the iPad so, having him running, playing and learning with other kids, while I was working longer hours, didn’t look that bad to me. As someone once told me in Mumsnet so many years ago, “they won’t remember the baking, the trips to the park or the drawing on the kitchen table, they will just remember they were poor”.

i know it is difficult, but if you try hard and long enough, eventually things will fall into place 💐

I know i just don't not want to be there for my DC. The job i work i see how sad children get when their parents aren't around and I feel sorry for them.

So work full time and save up enough for their therapy bills to cope with their abandonment issues?

Win-win

(Sarcasm)

Your exposure to kids is wildly biased. It's understandable that it's hard to see the things you see but it's in no way representative of most children, even when parents work full time

Train to teach, then you can still work roughly school hours and earn enough to buy a house.