For the mums who went back to work when their kids were 1-2 years old, did you have to?

[Watermocha]

When your kids were 1 or 2 years old, did you have to go back to work because you financially couldn’t afford to stay at home or did you go back so you don’t sacrifice your career progression/ job benefits?

And with the huge childcare expense was it overall worth it?

No, I didn’t need to. And it was a really difficult decision to make. My husband was supportive and was happy for me to decide either way which made the decision harder. I didn’t want to give up my career but was upset at leaving DS. Decided I could go back and quit if I didn’t enjoy it than not go back at all and wonder if I made the right choice. In the end, I was glad I went back and when I had my second, I didn’t even question it.

Both really. We lived abroad ( new zealand) when our first two were born and there was no maternity pay until you went back to your job and then you got a lump sum of six weeks of pay, so really there was no choice but to go back. I had four kids and only stayed off for one year with one of them, all the others I was back at work when they were four, five and six months. I only went back part time though and very little child care costs as I did shift work so worked around dh. So I did evening, weekends, nights around his 9-5 job.

I didn’t need to, DH earns lots, but wanted to as I really enjoyed my job and enjoyed the money I earned. I went back before 12 months for all 3 kids.

I don’t regret the childcare costs, we had a nanny and it was worth every penny. It was a
shared cost between DH and I.

Didn't have to, we could have managed but I hated staying at home at that age, was terrible for my mental health. DD was lovely. Easy going, happy to potter, not a tantrumer, napped well. I was so bored

I went back at eight months both times because I wanted to. I've never had the slightest desire to stay at home.

Didn’t strictly need to but it would have been financially tight and very career limiting to stay at home. Now kids are secondary age I don’t regret it at all - we both have good careers and a far higher income. We live in a bigger, nicer house and can afford the extracurricular activities our kids want to do, even if we don’t have fancy holidays or flash new cars.

Also I have a pension!

And yes it was worth it, DD absolutely thrived at nursery and had friends from nursery when going in to primary school

Yes, went back when they were 6 months and 8 months. Couldn't afford not to, although I only went back part-time.

A few years ago I was due to out of necessity go back to work and I was dreading it (always really struggled and I didn’t know why) but my dd wasn’t well and I had to postpone she was subsequently diagnosed with some disabilities. I never admit this in rl but it enabled me to not have to work and I felt so much better then felt guilty as I don’t want her to have any problems.

Yes, I had to go back when mine were both 12 months. I'm a lone parent and my tax credits would have stopped if I'd left my job and made myself intentionally unemployed. It would have been better for my health and my daughters MH /SEN if I could have started later, but the system wasn't set up like that.
It cost the country well over £1k a month for a few years when I had two in nursery. I will never pay more than a fraction of that back in tax.

Didn't need to but returned:

1. Career progression;
2. Improved family finances;
3. Pension;
4. Independence - my mum always drummed into us that we should never allow ourselves to be fully reliant on a man;
5. Seeing friends that waited until kids were school age struggle to het back into work/ having to retrain.

In an ideal world I wouldn't have gone back but I did because of the above.

The cost of childcare is eyewatering (I'm in central London) and barely made it worth going back in the short term, but those costs are not forever.

I went back at 13 months with my first (years leave plus accrued holiday) and 12 months with my second. We probably could have managed if I hadn’t, but we each work 4 days per week so have never had the cost of full time nursery, and it made me feel less guilty about going back.

It’s meant we can afford a bigger house, but the main reasons were because I was going a bit crazy being at home, particularly after about 9 months (I got ridiculously stressed about naps and it was making me a horrible person) and because I strongly believe in equality and I was determined I wasn’t going to do more of the parenting than DH. It’s worked out well and he is a really good and involved dad who doesn’t leave all the family admin to me.

We could have managed without me going back to work given I still rented out my old place, so had just enough to cover things, but TBH I just wanted to go back (3 days a weeks in my case) after first child. In fact came back a month earlier than planned as I found being a SAHM not great for me.

2nd time around, I was made redundant at end of mat leave and didn't get another job until DS was 18months old. The mat leave was easier because I'd learned to drive by then and also the fact that the redundancy was well timed as two in FT nursery would have be 150% of my take-home salary. Was still a bit hairy as I'd almost run out of redundancy money by the time I found a new job.

Yes, I went back part-time, though, when DC were six months - that was the length of maternity leave then -end of the ‘90s. I have two DC less than two years apart. I didn’t want to give up my job - it was very niche and would be hard to get into again. I also wanted a work pension.

I always worked but I had to return to full time when my youngest was 20 months which I didn’t really want to do, I was happy being part time. But I was still quite early on in my career, we were relocating due to DH’s job and it would have been basically impossible at that stage of my career to progress and be part time. It wasn’t financial, we had very cheap housing costs that offset the childcare cost.

10 years later I have no regrets. My career took off after that point, we are very financially secure now and my career is a big part of my life. It’s also much more flexible now which is actually much more useful when your kids are in school I have to say, and isn’t wasted in the teen years either. I don’t have any regrets about the ‘lost time’, I realised early on it was about quality not quantity and I found my children got a much better version of me in the time they had me vs more time if I hadn’t have been happy.

Mine are teens now, we are very close, they are well rounded, resilient, happy people (most of the time, hormones withstanding!) if I had my time again, I’d do it all again.

I have only gone back in between babies to qualify for another year of maternity pay. I would happily never go back after I have my last baby.

Didn’t “have” to, but would have been tight and if anything had happened to dh or I, redundancy, illness, death, divorce, we’d have been absolutely stuck.

both of us working gave us far more flexibility. We’ve both quit shitty jobs at one point or other and taken a couple of months to get back into work. I was made redundant, and dh had to take a pay cut during Covid.

now we’re both facing down our pensions and having two incomes means we will be able to retire earlier, with a far better quality of life. The short term years at nursery have been well worth it long term.

both kids are now at uni and we have spare money to help them out here and there. Both of them remember nursery very fondly, their friends, the babies, what they did. More so than school I’d say.

I am quite old and had been to university and gained a professional qualification without having to pay for it myself. I felt a responsibility to work as a result . It n ver really crossed my mind not to as my mother had always worked also.

Went back full time when DD was 9 months old, yes I had to. At the time DH was on about 21k and I was on about 25k, we couldn’t have survived on just his salary.

Worked out really well all round, if was stressful sometimes when she hadn’t slept through the night and I was rushing with 2 mins till nursery closed but she loved nursery, I enjoyed being back and work and my career grew.

childcare costs were hard, over twice our mortgage payment and the first couple of years finances were tight as a result, then the 3 yr funded hours kicked in and I got a pay rise/promotion so it eased up a lot. Childcare costs kept reducing and I got several more promotions.

Now I’m making 4 times as much, just pay for a few days of holiday club to break up the long holidays and we are financially secure.

I wanted to return for my career that I'd worked hard for before children came along. I only returned 3 days a week though and will increase my hours once the youngest goes to school September

I went back on 14 hours in a new role which was what worked for me. Had 14 months off but needed something else, childcare was the same as my salary I think but I now have a good role.

It didn't really cross my mind not to go back. I didn't think it was fair to put all the burden on my H to earn a salary and I felt more secure where it was both of us earning.

I was also in a career where it would have been hard to come back into it had I taken an extended time off.

In the end though, it was the best thing I could have done. My marriage broke down and having a salary and a career was a lifesaver. I would have been in a terrible position without it. I would always advise women to have their own career and salary - no one goes into a marriage thinking it will end, but nearly half do.

I don't regret working through my children's early years and don't believe they suffered any detriment as a result (and in fact, I believe it has benefitted them in many ways that I worked).

Dc1 I had to go back at 6 months due to financial reasons.
With dt I saved to take 13 months off as I wanted to take as long as possible (double nursery bill as a single parent). I'm glad I did although I was ready to go back from a mh perspective. Work was easier than looking after 3 under 5s!
From a pension and progression perspective it was also the right thing to do as I felt my progression was slightly delayed already due to a restructure just before my mat leave which I believe is why I didn't get promoted.

I went back at 9m, but they didn’t go to nursery until 12m as we did shared parental leave (combination of time off by ourselves and together).

We could have afforded for one of us to stay off work, but neither of us wanted to. We enjoy holidays and being able to do whatever we want on the weekends. Our child has thrived at nursery and don’t regret a thing. We are all really happy.

More or less needed to. Could potentially have struggled by without but would have been extremely risky financially and any big bill would have finished us or put us in debt.

totally worth going back though. Dc went 3 days a week which at its worse was 850 a month. I earn 2500 a month 🤷🏻‍♀️