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Original poster

Not going on Mortgage with DP

80 replies

pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 10:22

I rented and he owns his own house. I moved in with him at the start then we had our child. Now we are moving as need something bigger. My credit rating isn't good and he will be buying the new house in his own name putting down a deposit from the current house. I won't be named on the mortgage yet until my credit score improves which could be years.
I work part time so can only afford to put a little towards the mortgage when he will be paying 3/4s of it.
I have been advised that if were to hypothetically split up in the future that I need to get a document signed by both of us that u would be entitled to a certain amount if the property was sold. And he would obviously get his deposit back etc.

Is this correct ?
I don't want to split I'm just asking to protect myself as not with a mortgage but in the past I have been financially shat on !
Thank you any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Glorybox2025 · 20/02/2025 10:24

You should get married TBH it's the best protection. But you should not pay anything towards the mortgage if you aren't on the deeds or have a deed of trust that sets out your % if you split. Any reason why you aren't getting married?

Enough4me · 20/02/2025 10:26

Get married x infinity. Registry office is fine.
My exH had an affair and left me with DCs I had a fair settlement. My unmarried friend in similar position did not.
Please MARRY!

Original poster
pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 11:00

Waiting on the proposal! He knows he's not got long.
My best friend was in the same position a long time ago and she moved in with her partner but wasn't on the mortgage for a few years even though she paid some of it.
They got married and writhing 6 month he cheated and the told her she won't get mech as she didn't pay as much as he has in the past!

OP posts:
IVFmumoftwo · 20/02/2025 11:01

To be honest without marriage you won't have any rights. If you marry you automatically are entitled to some of the house.

OurFlagMeansAfternoonTea · 20/02/2025 11:01

Don't wait for a proposal. Act like a grown up and discuss it with him.

BIWI · 20/02/2025 11:03

Why are you waiting for him to propose?

Marriage is a financial contract. And always was, until the 18th/19th centuries.

You need to be married to provide you and your DC with financial security.

Original poster
pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 11:22

If we got married and I'm not the mortgage and we don't sign a prenup or some kind of document would I be entitled to what , half ? X

OP posts:
BettyBardMacDonald · 20/02/2025 11:24

You are becoming financially dependent upon him without marriage. Why??

Hoppinggreen · 20/02/2025 11:27

pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 11:22

If we got married and I'm not the mortgage and we don't sign a prenup or some kind of document would I be entitled to what , half ? X

Not a lawyer but I don't think pre nups or similar hold much weight here.
Don't contribute to a mortgage you aren't named on, you have no rights to any of his house unless married or you can evidence a significant financial contribution

atotalshambles · 20/02/2025 11:28

I think if you have children then it is important to be married OP. There is little protection for you if you split. I think you could have a legal document which protects your share of the house but in reality you need to be married to protect you long term.

TriangleLight · 20/02/2025 11:29

Being on the deeds is what you need, not the mortgage.

Id speak to a solicitor

snowlaser · 20/02/2025 11:30

pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 11:22

If we got married and I'm not the mortgage and we don't sign a prenup or some kind of document would I be entitled to what , half ? X

I suspect it would depend very much on how long you were together at the point of divorce. You can't marry someone and divorce them the next day and take half their stuff. But if you had been together a long time, say 10 years, then it would be regarded as a more equal split. If you get married sometime between 1 day and 10 years it would likely be some kind of sliding scale depending upon what you both brought into the marriage.

titchy · 20/02/2025 11:38

it would likely be some kind of sliding scale depending upon what you both brought into the marriage

No. It would be a scale depending on need. And as they have a child the need for the child to be housed is priority.

OP it's the deeds you need to be on, not the mortgage. What proportion do you think is fair? You could own 25% of the house for example. At least if you split up he would have to give you 25% (or whatever split you've both agreed to) of the equity.

If he doesn't agree to that don't pay anything towards his mortgage - save for your own mortgage because he clearly doesn't see a future with you. And don't sacrifice your own career in favour of his.

Livinghappy · 20/02/2025 11:42

In the event of you separating, currently you would only be entitled to CMS. If you know his income you could work it out. Could you live on this or would you have to rely on benefits?;

This is because you have effectively been renting, whilst living in your boyfriends house.

If you pay towards the mortgage you may have a claim BUT you would need to go to court which isn't cheap so potentially the benefit would be outweighed by solicitor fees.

If you pay towards the mortgage and signed a Deed of Trust you would have some legal basis to equity in the property.

If you married, the finances would depend on many factors, how long married, how old you both were, opportunity for you to earn and support yourself etc. However marriage would definitely provide a legal framework to enable you to have "rights" to some of your boyfriends assets, such as equity, savings, pension that he is currently building up for HIMSELF.

At present you are in the weakest position. Make sure you are paying whatever you can into a pension. Prioritise that, salary sacrifice additional contributions, as too many women will be elderly and very poor as a result of cohabiting and not building up a pension.

Original poster
pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 12:05

Apparently this is the right document that I need to look into signing.
A cohabitation agreement
www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/unmarried-couples/cohabitation-agreements/

OP posts:
DoorToNowhere · 20/02/2025 12:14

Getting married will still be the best course of action for you and for your child. If you are both old enough, sensible enough, dedicated enough and love each other enough to have a child then just get on and sort it. What would you do if something happened to him tomorrow? Being married makes it all much simpler.

Glorybox2025 · 20/02/2025 12:15

Why don't you just get married 🫤

workshy46 · 20/02/2025 12:15

Get married. Have an adult conversation about it. Certainly don't have anymore kids until you are. Story upon story here of women being financially shafted by not getting married and being pawned off with its just a piece of paper. If he won't then you know all you need to and start planning to go back to work fulltime. Don't get stuck in paying for things you have nothing to show for while he pays towards his assets.

JimHalpertsWife · 20/02/2025 12:16

What do you mean by "he knows he hasn't got long"?

TriangleLight · 20/02/2025 12:51

pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 12:05

Apparently this is the right document that I need to look into signing.
A cohabitation agreement
www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/unmarried-couples/cohabitation-agreements/

Speak to a solicitor and don’t try to sort this yourself on the cheap, it’s too important

Livinghappy · 20/02/2025 17:46

When it comes to property the parties may be advised that a Deed of Trust be drafted which sets out the ownership and respective beneficial interests in the home

This is from that link..points to Deed of Trust which is what you should do. Remember as you have no rights to the property you could be asked to leave with no notice.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 20/02/2025 18:01

Just get married- it's only on Mumsnet that I see loads of women who live with men there not married to! I don't know hardly anyone who does that in real life.

Topseyt123 · 20/02/2025 18:20

It's the deeds you need to be on, not the mortgage (people always come out with that one, no idea why). They are not one and the same thing. You can go onto the deeds whatever your credit score.

A Deed of Trust is also a possibility, but really the best you could do would be to get married. Just a couple of hundred quid in a registry office will be fine, it doesn't have to be a massive do.

At the moment you have made yourself financially beholden to your partner with absolutely no legal protection in place at all. You are very vulnerable here at the moment.

Enough4me · 20/02/2025 18:26

Marriage makes your assets joint assets. Plus say in X years time you divorce you may legally be entitled to more if you take care of DC more and if you have a lower earning potential.
Or ignore this and keep separate assets and he benefits if you split up.
You don't need a proposal to say we need to marry for the security of DC and me.

Legger · 20/02/2025 18:29

If you both know you want to get married then just do it. You already have a child together who I bet has his surname. Have a discussion about it as it is the best protection for you and your child as it would become the marital home.

At least take legal advice yourself as to how vulnerable you are unless you both enter into either marriage or a cohabitation agreement. All too often on here there are stories of shafted women, promised marriage that never materialised, he builds his individual wealth whilst the woman works part time, tanks her pension contributions and is left with nothing as the house is in his name solely.