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Original poster

Not going on Mortgage with DP

80 replies

pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 10:22

I rented and he owns his own house. I moved in with him at the start then we had our child. Now we are moving as need something bigger. My credit rating isn't good and he will be buying the new house in his own name putting down a deposit from the current house. I won't be named on the mortgage yet until my credit score improves which could be years.
I work part time so can only afford to put a little towards the mortgage when he will be paying 3/4s of it.
I have been advised that if were to hypothetically split up in the future that I need to get a document signed by both of us that u would be entitled to a certain amount if the property was sold. And he would obviously get his deposit back etc.

Is this correct ?
I don't want to split I'm just asking to protect myself as not with a mortgage but in the past I have been financially shat on !
Thank you any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
mewkins · 20/02/2025 22:03

BookGoblin · 20/02/2025 21:55

Marriage is an option, a better one is to work full time and actually protect yourself,

Time he did his half of the parenting

Mumsnetters often get confused and think marriage offers more protection than it actually does.

Build your own financial security, never rely on a man

Quite. I never understand these threads where the only option is to get married in order to be entitled to someone else's wealth. Take control and look after yourself.

TheSmallAssassin · 20/02/2025 22:03

If you are going to have an agreement then the proportion you own should recognise the hit you are taking to your income by being part time to look after your child, not just what you are putting in cash wise.

We bought when I was pregnant, before we married. We split the mortgage payment in half, but my then partner put in a £100k deposit from his previous house. We agreed we should still be joint tenants as I was bearing more risk.

It's all worked out for us as we split the childcare equally by both going part time and later got married (and I've ended up earning more than him!) - but I would advise getting married, why wait for a proposal if you have a, child together?

OswaldCobblepot · 20/02/2025 22:05

sandgrown · 20/02/2025 18:30

I was told you can’t go on the deeds If not on the mortgage

It's the other way round. You generally can't be on the mortgage if you're not on the deeds.

Icanttakethisanymore · 20/02/2025 22:28

OswaldCobblepot · 20/02/2025 22:05

It's the other way round. You generally can't be on the mortgage if you're not on the deeds.

Show quote history

You definitely can’t be on a mortgage for a property you don’t own!

OswaldCobblepot · 20/02/2025 22:57

Icanttakethisanymore · 20/02/2025 22:28

You definitely can’t be on a mortgage for a property you don’t own!

Show quote history

I know, that's what I said. I used the term "generally" because I've read posts on here where people have said it is possible under some circumstances. I don't know whether that's correct or not, hence "generally".

IWannaTravelTheWorld · 20/02/2025 23:03

How are the rest of the bills sorted out? Is there a % you both pay?
Shopping, Childcare, House bills like Gas, Electric, Water. Etc?

Wiseonce · 20/02/2025 23:52

Had a very similar situation when my husband and I (pre marriage) bought our house, solicitor advised a deed of trust which we did sign. We were also engaged at the time though.

We are married so it isn't an issue now but I always felt like it gives extra protection even now, as we agreed in the deed of trust for 50:50 split before marriage he wouldn't be able to say he brought the house into the marriage alone. I am Very happily married but relationships fail all the time, get your ducks in a row. And by ducks I mean rings!

Lots of men say 'its only a piece of paper' but you're screwed without it. You need the protection of marriage

Shinyandnew1 · 21/02/2025 00:01

Waiting on the proposal! He knows he's not got long.

What do you mean 'not got long'? What is going to happen!?

I would get back to work full time and share childcare costs.

rrrrrreatt · 21/02/2025 00:11

If you’re an adult that will live in the house but not on the mortgage, the bank normally asks you to waive your claim on the property before they’ll issue the mortgage.

I’m not on our mortgage and I had to waive my rights to the property when we bought a few years ago so it could be repossessed if we default. We spoke to our solicitor about a cohabitation agreement at the time, which could only be done after we’d completed, but it was £900 and they said it wasn’t worth it if we planned to get married soon as it would then be our matrimonial home. We’re actually getting married next week!

There’s a special name for the form but I can’t remember what it is. Given you have a child together, I wouldn’t sign it anyway. I signed because I actively didn’t want to be on the mortgage at the time but it was only my home I was gambling by doing that.

soupyspoon · 21/02/2025 06:37

mewkins · 20/02/2025 22:03

Quite. I never understand these threads where the only option is to get married in order to be entitled to someone else's wealth. Take control and look after yourself.

Show quote history

Totally agree, marriage is not the answer here, to be independently financially in control is the answer

Hobbitfeet32 · 21/02/2025 07:28

I never understand why people are so reluctant to get married but will have a child together. Surely having a child is a far bigger commitment yet 'not being ready' to he married is given as a good reason.

Sunflowergirl1 · 21/02/2025 07:50

You are in the typical trap and extremely vulnerable with no rights whatsoever. I have always advised with friends...no ring to babies. Living together is fine if the finances are correct and you are not paying for a house you don't own but frankly that is often not the case and women get left with no house, no income and care of the children. I would give the ultimatum and if he doesn't want to you know where you stand....personally I wouldn't have got to that point.

plantpottie · 21/02/2025 11:30

TriangleLight · 20/02/2025 11:29

Being on the deeds is what you need, not the mortgage.

Id speak to a solicitor

You need to be on the deeds otherwise you're screwed. I think if you are on the deeds then you'll need to on the mortgage too, or at least the mortgage company will need to see confirmation of your interest in the house and in which capacity you have an interest.

Get married (that doesn't seem on the cards?) or pay for legal advice which will tell you straight what the law is.

Enforcing the law is very expensive so bare that in mind. At least if you're married you have a legal to stand on. At the moment it sounds like you will have the legal rights of a lodger (so none)

Un4732 · 21/02/2025 11:41

Deed of trust. I'm getting one with my new partner and one protected my money from my exh when we separated - his sad little face when he realised marriage didn't give him 50% :)

Best £300 you'll spend, or your partner will spend if he's fronting more of the money. If he already owns his house prior to meeting you, I'd be advising him to ringfence that.

However having a child together makes things different and I'd be suggesting marriage if you want to put yourself (and your child) in a better position should it all go wrong, and new assets should be shared going forward from having a child as typically childcare puts women's earning potential on the back foot.

I can understand if he is dragging his heels if you are bringing less to the party though.

Quitelikeit · 22/02/2025 11:25

@Un4732

So deeds of trust supersede the 50% split upon divorce laws

KnickerlessParsons · 22/02/2025 11:43

Why are you waiting for a proposal?
Propose yourself, or even better, just tell him. If he says no, you'll know where you stand.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/02/2025 15:17

You need to enter into a formal legal agreement with him with the help of a solicitor

It is a simple enough process to do. We did one when we first bought together and were unmarried. It set out how much we brought as our respective deposits. That value would be protected in the event of a sale, once the mortgage paid off and equity was a 50:50 split as we were paying the mortgage on that basis. I also covered all the solicitors costs, stamp duty and other costs so that was protected along with my deposit.

You don't say if you're paying rent to him in the current property? While on mat leave and now part time? Presumably you were full time before having a child?

Your tenants in common agreement/deed of trust should reflect the fact that you are losing X% of your income by providing childcare. NOT that you are "only" contributing 1/4 of the mortgage payments.

As an unmarried mother you should really consider whether it is in your interests to work full time and split the childcare costs.

plantpottie · 23/02/2025 09:42

rrrrrreatt · 21/02/2025 00:11

If you’re an adult that will live in the house but not on the mortgage, the bank normally asks you to waive your claim on the property before they’ll issue the mortgage.

I’m not on our mortgage and I had to waive my rights to the property when we bought a few years ago so it could be repossessed if we default. We spoke to our solicitor about a cohabitation agreement at the time, which could only be done after we’d completed, but it was £900 and they said it wasn’t worth it if we planned to get married soon as it would then be our matrimonial home. We’re actually getting married next week!

There’s a special name for the form but I can’t remember what it is. Given you have a child together, I wouldn’t sign it anyway. I signed because I actively didn’t want to be on the mortgage at the time but it was only my home I was gambling by doing that.

This is true, I've remortgaged when I had a lodger living with me and they had to sign that they had no claim on the property.

I do wonder what the banks think about the child in all this and the potential for them to have a claim on the property?

Obviously the op can be kicked out on her ear if she signs away any claim, but a child under 18 couldn't sign a document like that, but do children have any legal rights in this situation.

Personally, at this point with so much water under the bridge and assuming you want to stay in a relationship with each other I'd want to get married. By-passes all the issues re mortgage etc. If he won't, genuinely even if it hurts like hell at the time in 10 years (very probably sooner) you'll be glad you did.
If you split up he will have to share the parenting and you'll be able to work, build up your earning potential/pension and possibly meet a man who did want to marry you.

I just couldn't stay with someone who treated me like a wife, enjoyed all the benefits, including having his child/children, but wouldn't allow me the status of being a wife (if that's what I wanted)

It's better to be single and then you at least have the chance that you could meet someone who did share the same values

Newgirls · 23/02/2025 09:46

You can each take out a mortgage endowment policy to pay for the mortgage in your own names so there is a proper record of your savings contribution. If you sell the house you then take back your %.

Un4732 · 25/02/2025 13:09

Quitelikeit · 22/02/2025 11:25

@Un4732

So deeds of trust supersede the 50% split upon divorce laws

Yup! And I got it on a whim as it was only £200 at the time to get written up. Ring-fenced that money beautifully, never in dispute!

DazzlingCuckoos · 25/02/2025 15:10

Personally, if I was not married, I would not be paying anything towards a mortgage of a property that doesn't have my name on it, cohabitation agreement or not.

Half the bills, sure, but not towards the property itself.

My concern about a cohabitation agreement is that it could potentially be challenged by one party or the other later, even though it's deemed legally binding. All you then end up with is more legal fees down the line for fighting for your worth.

If you do pay towards the mortgage, make sure you pay to the mortgage account itself, not to your partner. That way you can prove it's a mortgage payment you're making, not just a contribution to household expenses.

orangecatmum · 25/02/2025 18:39

rrrrrreatt · 21/02/2025 00:11

If you’re an adult that will live in the house but not on the mortgage, the bank normally asks you to waive your claim on the property before they’ll issue the mortgage.

I’m not on our mortgage and I had to waive my rights to the property when we bought a few years ago so it could be repossessed if we default. We spoke to our solicitor about a cohabitation agreement at the time, which could only be done after we’d completed, but it was £900 and they said it wasn’t worth it if we planned to get married soon as it would then be our matrimonial home. We’re actually getting married next week!

There’s a special name for the form but I can’t remember what it is. Given you have a child together, I wouldn’t sign it anyway. I signed because I actively didn’t want to be on the mortgage at the time but it was only my home I was gambling by doing that.

RU17 if I remember correctly

orangecatmum · 25/02/2025 18:43

Actually I may have made that up and it's going to annoy me now! Off to google!

Donttellempike · 25/02/2025 18:46

pillowfighter · 20/02/2025 11:22

If we got married and I'm not the mortgage and we don't sign a prenup or some kind of document would I be entitled to what , half ? X

Unmarried, without being on the deeds of the property ( the mortgage is a debt on the asset) you will be entitled to nothing if you split.

No matter how long you are together.

Protect yourself now, why doesn't he want to?

snapdragonx · 25/02/2025 19:12

It's kind of obvious the OP wants to be married, but her boyfriend isn't proposing or seemingly close to it. It's a precarious and scary place to be, but I imagine she's feeling emotionally very vulnerable and exposed. OP- you're not needy, wanting marriage is normal, it's okay and good. You are not needy. It's being practical, sensible and clever. It's looking out for your child. Don't let your boyfriend manipulate you that this is your problem or fault. You are seeking protection for what should be His family. He should be acting in both of your best interests. And he is not. You can and should. Start to stand up to him with demands of what you want. Whether marriage, mortgage, 50/50 child custody. He needs to treat you as an equal and respect you. Don't underestimate your value and contributions to the family. Best of luck.