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Original poster

Student son keeps asking for money

65 replies

tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 20:56

DS is in his 2nd year at uni. He gets a full loan and after rent at £110 pw he is left with roughly £70 pw, although in reality it's more as he gets everything paid for when at home during hols). He's not in a pricey area of the country although I get nowhere is cheap.

His Dad and I divorced last year and I am on a minimum wage FT job.

My issue is he is constantly asking me for money. I don't mind sending him the odd top up or money for the odd food shop but he barely did any paid work during the holidays and I just feel I'm being used. He only gets in touch when he's wants something.
He just doesn't seem to understand how to budget or handle money and certainly doesn't want me to help him.

I hate saying no but it's getting ridiculous.

OP posts:
ReadingRubbish · 18/02/2025 20:59

You feel like you are being used because you are being used. Is there a reason he can't work while doing his course?
I think it's a bit much if Uni students whinge about being skint when they haven't bothered working in the summer ( obviously some can't work for legitimate reasons but most can)

BellissimoGecko · 18/02/2025 21:04

YANBU at all, why didn't he spend his long summer working?

Does he ever ask his dad for money, or just you?

I'd tell him to get a job. Time for him to learn how to budget.

Original poster
tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:04

He keeps telling me he is looking for work nothing around Hmm

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 18/02/2025 21:05

Yanbu

Gymmum82 · 18/02/2025 21:05

‘No, get a job, I don’t have any spare money’ and repeat

Original poster
tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:05

BellissimoGecko · 18/02/2025 21:04

YANBU at all, why didn't he spend his long summer working?

Does he ever ask his dad for money, or just you?

I'd tell him to get a job. Time for him to learn how to budget.

Apparently his Dad has no money (bullshit) and he doesn't like to ask!!

OP posts:
Radiatorvalves · 18/02/2025 21:07

My DS is in His second year and we help him a bit (over what is expected) but he’s in London and it’s crazy expensive. He does have a job and has not asked us for extra money. Your son needs to get a job.

Original poster
tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:07

I am a mug; I'd only considered he needed to get a job during the holidays when actually he could also
quite easily be working term time.

OP posts:
Radiatorvalves · 18/02/2025 21:08

DS’ job is shifts in corporate hospitality. Pays well and fits around uni commitments.

Kilroywashere · 18/02/2025 21:09

Tell him "tough, get a job". Supermarkets are always looking for shelf fillers, and you get cheap food with staff discount. Mind you, a diet of leftover trifle isn't ideal 😁

HazelWillowIvy · 18/02/2025 21:09

He keeps asking because you keep giving. £70 a week is more than enough for him to survive on! If he wants more money, he needs to go out and earn it. I’d have been mortified asking my parents for more money at that age.

Uberella · 18/02/2025 21:10

He's probably spending it on socialising and then cries poverty to you.

He's in his second year;he could have been working around his course long ago.

Employers aren't overly impressed either recently graduates who are applying and have no previous recent work experience in any sector;it screams entitlement and laziness.

FlameOfFlowers · 18/02/2025 21:11

Ds2 spends around £38 a week on food (including salmon, chicken, steak) and then has laundry to do too so around £7 on that because clothing, bedding, towels. He is a very clean boy. If your son wants more money then he needs to fund that himself.

We top Ds up to full loan. They have to learn to live within their means which your son won't unless you cut him off. You cannot afford to subsidise him more than you ie paying for everything when he is home so stop sending him money now. I think it is around 60% of students work. My niece and nephew did, mine have a free ride from us but only because we saved up for it so have it ready to go.

Hollietree · 18/02/2025 21:11

“Sorry son, I wish I could help but my job only pays minimum wage and with the cost of living I am struggling with money myself. Would you like some help updating your CV and looking for part-time jobs in your area? I’d be more than happy to help in your job hunt any way that I can. Love Mum.”

Miley1967 · 18/02/2025 21:12

Kilroywashere · 18/02/2025 21:09

Tell him "tough, get a job". Supermarkets are always looking for shelf fillers, and you get cheap food with staff discount. Mind you, a diet of leftover trifle isn't ideal 😁

Have you not noticed that thousands of supermarket staff are being laid off? My student ds finally managed to get some temping Xmas work at Sainsbury's but it lasted all of about four weeks then he was finished. It's really not easy for some students to find work.

grumpyoldeyeore · 18/02/2025 21:15

£70 per week isnt really enough to cover everything except rent and have any fun. My dc got full loans and also were luckily at unis that provided bursaries because the loan didnt cover everything. Has he checked if he may get a bursary (usually they are automatically calcuated from the student loan info). If you cant help he needs to get a PT job. As an indicator the bursary topped up the loan so students had about £100 per week after rent which I guess is what uni's consider the minimum. I think £120pw is comfortable. He may be able to apply to the uni hardship fund too. Suggest he starts tracking his spending using an app. but the issue is he genuinely doesnt have enough money after food and travel unless his food is included in his rent. Can he tutor? Sign up for a temp agency? There is always care work. Often you can do online training with a care agency. It doesnt necessarily mean personal care it could be taking out a young person with a disability to an activity. He needs to go and look at signs in shops or get on a local faecbook job page. Places like takeaways often just put a sign in window. There is a massive shortage of lifeguards if he would do a qualification.

FinallyHere · 18/02/2025 21:17

It's really, really simple.

He keeps asking you for money because you keep giving him money.

His father has already convinced him there is no point in asking. It's your turn now

Or you could go on giving him money and removing any incentive for him to find alternative sources.

BellissimoGecko · 18/02/2025 21:18

@grumpyoldeyeore - 70 per week isnt really enough to cover everything except rent and have any fun

His rent is already paid. The £70 is for food etc.

BellissimoGecko · 18/02/2025 21:20

My dd is in third year at uni and has worked since she was 15. There is work out there for teens if you are determined and motivated enough to find it! Bars, cafes, cleaning, lifeguard, staff at Center Parcs, Go Ape, ServeLegal, tutoring, etc etc.

blacksax · 18/02/2025 21:20

'Sorry, I can't afford to send you anything this week, ask your dad'.

InWithThePlums · 18/02/2025 21:22

tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:07

I am a mug; I'd only considered he needed to get a job during the holidays when actually he could also
quite easily be working term time.

Depends on the degree tbf. I couldn’t have done that. But obviously he should work in the hols, and learn to manage his money better.

Original poster
tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:24

Such a mug.
I have just spent £250 on visiting him; petrol, hotel (for me and his sister) meals for us all and the first thing he did was ask for money to go out.
I need to grow a backbone and practice saying no.

OP posts:
Original poster
tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:25

Lectures are approx 14 hours pw

OP posts:
Hdjdb42 · 18/02/2025 21:25

Why would he get a job, when you're giving it to.him anytime he asks?! You need to set a budget and refuse extras. I worked.the summers and weekends when.i was at uni, we all did.

Fizzygoo · 18/02/2025 21:25

What’s he doing though? If he’s doing nursing you are working and studying?

some courses are very intensive and it’s 9 to 5 , 5 days a week…with a lot of evening prep and writing up lab reports

when I was at uni I had a part time job…husband didn’t but it was different intensities.

other things to pay for other than food..haircut? Meds? Clothes ? Societies?