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Original poster

Student son keeps asking for money

65 replies

tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 20:56

DS is in his 2nd year at uni. He gets a full loan and after rent at £110 pw he is left with roughly £70 pw, although in reality it's more as he gets everything paid for when at home during hols). He's not in a pricey area of the country although I get nowhere is cheap.

His Dad and I divorced last year and I am on a minimum wage FT job.

My issue is he is constantly asking me for money. I don't mind sending him the odd top up or money for the odd food shop but he barely did any paid work during the holidays and I just feel I'm being used. He only gets in touch when he's wants something.
He just doesn't seem to understand how to budget or handle money and certainly doesn't want me to help him.

I hate saying no but it's getting ridiculous.

OP posts:
Porkyporkchop · 18/02/2025 21:27

Stop giving him money. If he needs food - send him a food shop you did online and get it delivered to him. No more cash - he can go out and earn this. My dd is at uni and she works as does her boyfriend and all her friends.

MumblesParty · 18/02/2025 21:29

My DS is at uni, gets similar amount from me. Last time he asked for money I sent him a screenshot of my bank account showing £10 in it till the end of the week! He still asks now and then, but I think he is starting to understand a bit more that my funds are limited too

Original poster
tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:31

He's not doing a medical degree; he obviously has to do a level of independent study but he still has plenty of free time.

I was lucky enough to get a full grant back in the day but still worked my arse off during the holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:34

He thinks I'm loaded - a misconception I'm sure fuelled by his dad because I don't piss my money up the wall Angry

OP posts:
ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 18/02/2025 21:34

I agree that he should get a job to top things up but I don’t think you can live comfortably on £70 a week and I can see why he would run out if this needs to include all food, drink, going out money (realistically students go out at least a couple of times a week), clothes, toiletries, I guess possibly phone, bus / petrol money, activities or hobbies..

If I was him I would ask dad to top up the amount weekly or monthly (a set negotiated amount) rather than randomly going to him asking ad-hoc, and this would make it fairer for you and less likely that he comes asking for money

GinToBegin · 18/02/2025 21:38

OP, I don’t want to guilt you, but have you been giving DS money to the detriment of DD? If you’ve got less/no money for nice things at home because you’re funding him living it up, then try to say no more often, not just for your benefit, but for you and your DD.

Imisscoffee2021 · 18/02/2025 21:44

I did a studio based BA course where we had to be in 9 to 4, 5 days a week, but managed to work 20 hours at a cinema with 8 hrs Friday night and 12 hrs Saturday. Don't get me wrong it was sometimes shit and exhausting, but my parents couldnt afford to help out with costs and it was London, so expensive. A job at uni was seen as such a normal common thing when I went (admittedly 14 yrs ago), nearly everyone had some form of extra job, it actually helped me afterwards as I was never out of work and my boyfriend (now husband) who didn't work at uni struggled to get his foot in the door anywhere due to lack of experience.

ParsnipPuree · 18/02/2025 21:47

tralalaa1225 · 18/02/2025 21:04

He keeps telling me he is looking for work nothing around Hmm

This was mine too when at uni.. don't want to work. The good news is that he has a great work ethic now so it could be an age thing.

healthybychristmas · 18/02/2025 21:54

You need to get really tough with him otherwise this is going to be a nightmare. I don't know why his dad is being such a pig but I reckon there must be history there? Just keep on saying that you have no money at all. One thing I did learn when mine were at university was that if you went to see them it cost such a lot of money, so if you're on a low wage you're better off not going to see them, saving that money and giving them a bit at a time. Your son sounds very lazy and entitled. Obviously you don't want him to be like that as an adult and the only way to make sure of it is to put him in a position where he has to pull his finger out and do some work.

BunnyLake · 18/02/2025 21:57

Kilroywashere · 18/02/2025 21:09

Tell him "tough, get a job". Supermarkets are always looking for shelf fillers, and you get cheap food with staff discount. Mind you, a diet of leftover trifle isn't ideal 😁

They're not. There haven't been shelf filling jobs at my local supermarket for at least two years. I know, as I look and used to do casual work there until they stopped.

My son is in the first year of uni and said there’s nothing going on the campus. They're keeping minimum student staff (he was complaining of the long queues for drinks as minimum bar staff).

BunnyLake · 18/02/2025 22:00

ParsnipPuree · 18/02/2025 21:47

This was mine too when at uni.. don't want to work. The good news is that he has a great work ethic now so it could be an age thing.

Show quote history

Yes, my eldest who has now graduated didn’t work during uni (too busy partying) and was always pleading ‘starving student’. He’s in full time work now and works really hard. Out the house 7.30am back 7.30pm.

ReadingRubbish · 18/02/2025 22:04

What town or city is he based?

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 18/02/2025 22:27

Honestly, these days £70 a week isn't a huge amount. Does it cover essentials like food, phone, insurance and laundry? Yes if you're smart and budget. But realistically nothing else.

Like it or not drinking and going out is a big part of university culture. University is a time to join societies, try new sports, make new friends - but it all costs money. When I was a student I'd go out 2/3 times a week - once with friends, once with my course society, once with a society of a sport I did. We'd predrink pretty heavily so didn't tend to drink much out but taxi, entry etc would still cost £15 a night.

He should be getting a job to pay for these expenses. But £70 isn't much for most, especially not someone trying to live up and enjoy their late teens/early 20s. He would be living a pretty miserable and isolated existence if he wasn't going out.

BatInATopHat · 18/02/2025 22:54

£70 a week is not a lot of money so I can see why he's running out tbh

I couldn't leave my son short however I would be expecting him to work and to be properly looking for a job so that's where I'd concentrate my efforts right now - helping him find some part time work. I'd still top him up but I wouldn't be making this comfortable for him - I'd be more inclined to pay for specific things than hand over fifty quid for example

TheSmallAssassin · 18/02/2025 23:00

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 18/02/2025 21:34

I agree that he should get a job to top things up but I don’t think you can live comfortably on £70 a week and I can see why he would run out if this needs to include all food, drink, going out money (realistically students go out at least a couple of times a week), clothes, toiletries, I guess possibly phone, bus / petrol money, activities or hobbies..

If I was him I would ask dad to top up the amount weekly or monthly (a set negotiated amount) rather than randomly going to him asking ad-hoc, and this would make it fairer for you and less likely that he comes asking for money

Edited

You can't expect to "live comfortably" when you are a student, you have to cut your coat according to your cloth. If you can't afford to go out twice a week then it's just tough, do something cheaper!

Silvertulips · 18/02/2025 23:07

He should be getting a job to pay for these expenses. But £70 isn't much for most, especially not someone trying to live up and enjoy their late teens/early 20s. He would be living a pretty miserable and isolated existence if he wasn't going out

It’s plenty to eat and pay for general expenses. If he wants fun and parties, he needs to earn the money to pay for it.

Has he now got a girlfriend he wants to impress?

DD gets £50 a week, signs up for free stuff apps, does online surveys. Works her arse off in retail in the holidays to boost her finances, she’s leave Uni with no debt.

She’ll have cash in the bank when she leaves.

DD2 works 3 days a week for £25K a year - office based, 3 days in Uni - just paid cash for a new to her car -

You are being taken for a mug.

westisbest1982 · 18/02/2025 23:30

The figures aren’t adding up here. The full loan is £9.5K so over ten months (presumably that’s how long his rental contract is for) that’s £950 a month yet you say he has less. Has he got debts?

BunnyLake · 19/02/2025 11:06

westisbest1982 · 18/02/2025 23:30

The figures aren’t adding up here. The full loan is £9.5K so over ten months (presumably that’s how long his rental contract is for) that’s £950 a month yet you say he has less. Has he got debts?

Once my son pays his student rent he has no money left and he gets the full allocation. In fact he has had to pay the difference (about £60) himself.It’s the weird way they divide the loan up to them. His smallest part was his first term and wasn’t enough to cover rent. His biggest part is the last payment. No idea why they do that.

westisbest1982 · 19/02/2025 11:07

BunnyLake · 19/02/2025 11:06

Once my son pays his student rent he has no money left and he gets the full allocation. In fact he has had to pay the difference (about £60) himself.It’s the weird way they divide the loan up to them. His smallest part was his first term and wasn’t enough to cover rent. His biggest part is the last payment. No idea why they do that.

Edited
Show quote history

Sure, but he’ll be paying more than the OP’s son.

BobbyBiscuits · 19/02/2025 11:09

Tell him the facts. You're on MW and all the money you earn is already accounted for. Tell him he must seek more shifts/get more work. Anyone can be a delivery courier, you don't even need to speak English so he's no excuse not to do paid work.
You can't afford it and there is no money. So he needs to stop asking.

BunnyLake · 19/02/2025 11:14

Silvertulips · 18/02/2025 23:07

He should be getting a job to pay for these expenses. But £70 isn't much for most, especially not someone trying to live up and enjoy their late teens/early 20s. He would be living a pretty miserable and isolated existence if he wasn't going out

It’s plenty to eat and pay for general expenses. If he wants fun and parties, he needs to earn the money to pay for it.

Has he now got a girlfriend he wants to impress?

DD gets £50 a week, signs up for free stuff apps, does online surveys. Works her arse off in retail in the holidays to boost her finances, she’s leave Uni with no debt.

She’ll have cash in the bank when she leaves.

DD2 works 3 days a week for £25K a year - office based, 3 days in Uni - just paid cash for a new to her car -

You are being taken for a mug.

What job is she doing 3 days a week for £25k? I could really do with something like that as I can longer work full time due to an injury, but can get nowhere near that salary pt.

ThejoyofNC · 19/02/2025 11:15

Next time he asks just simply say "no, please stop asking me". Or even better, reply to each request with a link to a job advertisement in his area.

Sue3467 · 19/02/2025 11:46

70 pw for all bills and living is not a lot. A few things at the supermarket cost £35! But you need to have a transparent and supportive conversation with your son - he should get a job and apply for grants. Don't resent him for it; just give him the tools to learn how to be financially independent.

CanOfMangoTango · 19/02/2025 11:50

He's really going to struggle to find a graduate job when he has no recent work experience. Does he realise that?

Most employers look favourably on anyone who has grafted. A degree isn't anything special these days.

You're not doing him any favours tbh.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/02/2025 11:54

tralalaa1225 · Yesterday 21:04
**
He keeps telling me he is looking for work nothing around

Where is he? We are split between two homes, atm, NW England and Central Scotland. Pretty much every retail, hospitality and childcare setting has permanent “we are recruiting” posters up . Can only imagine he’s not trying very hard.