Adding me to mortgage with credit card debt.

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We are thinking of moving house this year and my husband wants to add me to the mortgage. Our current house is in his name and we've been here 11 years. I wasn't on the mortgage when we bought it as he's the main breadwinner and I had a couple of defaults with a year left on my credit file. I'd had some debt issues in my 20s but paid it all off on a debt management plan which was settled about 10 years ago now. He earns about 6 x my salary so will be the one paying the new mortgage but just wants my name on the deeds etc.

I'm really scared to tell my husband I've got £1.5k on my credit card. It built up over time and I've been doing minimum repayments. I feel sick at the thought of him finding out as I'll have to tell him when we apply for the mortgage. I won't be paying towards the mortgage though. My credit rating is good at 926, it's just this credit card amount. He's so good with money and has never had debt. I feel so ashamed. I guess I'll have to declare this credit card amount when we apply? Not sure what the form asks. We are staying with the same lender.

Yes, they will credit search you and it will be revealed.

You’ll have to declare it but it’s unlikely to be an issue with the mortgage.
Mumsnet often has people with no debt, but in reality lots of people have a credit card or loan they’ve used for an emergency, car or white goods or similar.

Should say though… why is it secret?
Unless it’s secret spending like gambling, wouldn’t he be aware?

Thank you. I feel terrified to tell hubby, he'll be so shocked and disappointed. Almost thought of asking to borrow it from my dad and quickly pay it off! I can't face that either though. Feeling so ashamed. Feeling sick at the thought of all this.

Why do you feel ashamed?
It‘s ok to have a credit card, you maybe just need to plan how you’re paying it off rather than the minimum.
What was the spend on?
I would be honest. If DH made me aware of a credit card I didn’t know about I would want to support assuming it was living expense and not gambling or something.
It would make me think we need to reevaluate our overall spending.

I think because he pays everything off in full every month and I haven't been able to. I feel ashamed I can't live up to his standards re money - he's never had any money issues. Argh.

Ah so it’s more keeping up with his spending?
I would be honest and open with him about it. The likelihood is he doesn’t realise, as his approach to finances will be different earning significantly more.
My DH earns more than me at the moment, but what we have is shared so no who has more or less.
Do you both work full time? Have children?

Thank you, yes he's so good with money. He doesn't really spend much and saves loads. I work part time as we have a 4 year old. My income took a big hit with changing career and going down to part time hours. The money crept up on the card on just small, things building up over time. He knows I've got one but doesn't think there's anything on it. So scared to tell him. He's set me up a spreadsheet to put in my spending to see where my money goes (which I'm happy with). Just need to come clean but so scared.

If it were my DH he would want me to tell him and he would help pay it off avoiding the high interest rates. It’s best to be honest in marriages/relationships and work as a couple, especially if you’re worried it’s going to come out anyway. Your previous debt over 10 years ago shouldn’t come up in mortgage application.

Do you have access to enough money to meet your reasonable needs? It’s not good to have hidden debts, it’s also not good to have to use credit for basics for you and a young child if you’re doing it because your higher earning spouse isn’t supporting you adequately. What’s going on?

Thanks, I know. My main worry is his reaction to me hiding this from him. It's the shame really.

Thank you. Yes I've got enough for basic needs. I think it started when I took 2 years out of work to look after our baby and he gave me £250 a month but I couldn't manage on this. He felt it was more than reasonable though as what did I need to be buying. I think recently I've spent too much on coffees, buying lunch when at work and skincare products. It's all added up.

No shame!
It sounds like he needs to contribute more, as you’re pt for childcare.
The spreadsheet would not be ok with me, feels a bit intrusive but if it works for you and it’s not done in a financially controlling way.

While DH wouldn’t be chuffed if I had secret credit cards, I would think he would support me in resolving it. Particularly if I was part time and he was a high earner.

Thank you! This makes me feel sooo much better and like I haven't committed a massive crime! At least it's 1.5k and not 5k! The spreadsheet is a bit intrusive I guess but I feel I've got to do it now as I've been 'bad'. At least my credit score is good!

Why are you only paying the minimum? Can you make more repayments in the next few months by really cutting back.

At present it's at a manageable size so get it out in the open. If I was your husband I would feel disappointed that you haven't told me and let debt build up.

It's more about your attitude, if as a couple you had the income there should be no need for credit card debt, unless your finances are unbalanced and you have to get into debt to just get the basics.

If the spreadsheet is intrusive and you need to use a cc for skincare or anything none essential, that would concern me finances are not equal?
Does DH not buy anything non essential?
Maybe working full time would give more financial independence?

£250 pm personal spending money doesn't sound very much in a household with a high earner and you also working part time so bringing in an income and presumably childcare costs aren't massive.

Just because he doesn't want to spend any money, doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to. Plus is that money actually yours or do you end up spending some on DD, reducing it even further?

He doesn't get to unilaterally decide how much is saved vs spent when it's you who's taken the career hit to look after your joint child. He shouldn't also be squirrelling it away in his name - the household should be equalising savings and pensions as much as possible out of total income.

But on the CC, can you at least transfer it to a 0% offer, increase the payment a little, and keep it at a fixed amount rather than just paying the minimum?

It should be him who’s ashamed! He’s financially controlling you and you don't realise it.

1. get a joint bank account where both of you pay your salaries.
2. Remind him that not putting your name on the deeds would be irrelevant if you were to divorce - you’d still be entitled to at least half the equity.
3. Remind him that by working part time and therefore reducing childcare costs you are contributing significantly to the household income.
4. Remind him that were you to divorce, the CC debt would be considered a joint debt - and that all savings etc regardless as to whose name they were in would be considered joint. Not forgetting his pension!

Sorry he earns 6x your salary and you’re having to put basics on a credit card. There’s a lot wrong here but the credit card is the least of your worries. If you’ve both agreed you’ll go PT then you should have equal money after all bills are paid, and any joint savings set aside (I.e all money gets paid into a joint account, £3k of bills allowed for, £600 or whatever for food shopping, £1k of savings and anything left split equally between you to do what you want with - obviously figures change depending on your income and outgoings but you get the gist)

Your husband sounds very controlling to be honest. You shouldn’t feel scared of him and only “allowing you” £250 was horrible when he can easily afford more

To be honest, I wouldn't worry about your debt, it's only a small amount. (I owed £19,000). Just be honest with your OH, the longer you hide it the worse you'll feel.

I wouldn't be happy being asked to track all my spending down to the last detail though, that's for sure (especially if I was using my own wages).

Thank you so much everyone. There are definitely deeper issues with my feelings of inadequacy and yes it's hard when he spends no money on himself and so it's hard if I might want to buy skincare or clothes etc. I have also been quite careless. Re the £250 a month, he genuinely didn't see that there was anything I'd really need to be spending it on while a sahm. I'm mid 40s and don't want to live a totally frugal life when we both have good jobs. I could consider increasing my hours but then you've got to think about holiday childcare.

I'll need to come clean but have no idea how he'll react as it's a bit more than just a couple of hundred quid. Thankfully not thousands though! I probably have put stuff on the card instead for asking him for more as I've felt judged I think.

He also thinks I should be saving each month whereas I always run out and go overdrawn! He does know about the overdraft though.

This is one of many reasons why, once we were married, we shared all of our resources including money. It’s not mine/ his, it all goes in one pot and is ours, it serves the needs we have as a family. What does he do with his 6x bigger salary? Is he earning 6 figures?

Yes 6 figures. Just realised it's more like 5 x mine. I work in the public sector so earn much less. He does stuff like overpay the mortgage and put lots into savings for us and our child etc. He's always been really sensible. Spreadsheets galore etc