Stingy man ??

[anon990]

Hi girls looking for some advice, sorry in advance if it’s long. I’m dating a guy 6 months now, official since last month. Completely different to my last relationship. But since the beginning I’ve noticed some money issues on his side. For example twice he’s had no car due to ‘not being able to afford his insurance’ he has a good job and works mon-fri. He lives at home and pays no rent. He doesn’t even drive to work as he’s picked up and dropped off everyday so no diesel cost. During this time I drove us around and drove us to our first overnight which I paid half of. When we went to the shop to buy goods for the night (cabin stay) I picked out malteseers to eat ( he was paying) but he insisted on party rings which were half the price I just went along with it. He always talks about the price of things, eg: he bought two toasties cookies and coffee for us recently and I just knew he would say something and he said ‘Jesus €44 like that’s mad would u pay that for the same thing in Tesco’ . I drove us places while he had no car and even had to get on the train with him once until he one day expected I was driving ( a very long drive) and I said no just pay your insurance? And then he eventually did. He doesn’t drink or go out or gamble so I don’t know how he doesn’t have it. One day I wanted to eat out somewhere and he said he’s broke so I got us McDonald’s. Another time we went out again broke apparently so I got us meal in a pub. I drive to his every week for 6 months and never asked for anything for it. This weekend he came to me and we were doing a hike, on the way back he pulled in for diesel , he keeps the door open while he’s pumping so I knew he had something to say and he asks me to go in and get us drinks since he’s paying diesel? He’s own diesel?? We did the hike and we had planned food afterwards. He doesn’t even mention it even tho I was starving and hadn’t eaten and this made me mad so I brought it up and he’s saying oh sorry I forgot and gets a €14 takeaway after? I just don’t know what to do he’s great in other ways but I brought out he said oh I’m sorry I thought it wasn’t bad I asked for drinks since I drove to you. And didn’t mention it again. It’s giving me the ick. What do u think is the tight or am I a b**ch . My last relationship he paid for all our stuff even tho I’d pay for somethings sometimes it was mostly him. This man wants to half everything even who’s driving!!

When you say he lives at home do you mean with his parents? How old are you both?

We are 24 and yes at home with his dad . I have a child so kind of didn't want him in my space which is why I drive to him it gives me a break etc

Tight man would give me the right ick,
No way I would put up with it

For fun(for the thread) work out how much you have invested financially into this 'relationship'and work out his contribution..
He is taking you for a mug.

Where on earth did you meet him? Isn't he know locally for being a miser?

Now he has paid for things but everything seems about money! He paid for a stay for us at Xmas , kept saying he had a surprise night for us and the day or two days before said 'it's not expensive when divided by 2?? I said it's before Xmas I have a child I can't afford that it was meant to be my surprise? And he paid then when I said that. He also wanted me to drive and I said fuck no I'm already driving to your house 2 hours away. So he drove . I notice small things like the toothpaste in his house is there until every single last drop is squeezed out, everything is from Aldi/Lidl which whatever but it just makes sense with him. He got me Xmas WF tracksuit but said he put the pants back and said 'they better give me the voucher back they were €50. Seriously I just ignored that comment.

I met him on hinge and he's not from here so I don't know. He had a 4 year relationship before me though.

I can't financially figure it out cos I don't really look too much at what i spend and wouldn't no where to start 🤣

Yet another reason to avoid online dating. No local knowledge about anyone.

But he doesn't sound much of a catch to be honest.

when was the last time he bought you a bunch of flowers?

Also. He says 'I was gonna get' a lot ! 'I was gonna get your son a cute tracksuit I seen' 'I was gonna get you a mocha maker in Lidl' ok I said ?? And he said ' can you imagine it was €8' I nearly died I just laughed and then he said 'oh I did get it sorry I left it at my moms house' I know for a full fact he never bought it and picked up that he sounded embarrassing

Can't imagine why his relationship ended. Or how it lasted 4 years..

I got a rose on your second date. Nice touch until I was in mr price with him because of course he loves that place and seen it in there for 80c 😂😂😂

He is always going to be like this.

If you don't mind then crack on, but as he's two hours away, I'd let him go.

He's as tight as a gnats chuff or he's got big debts.

Either one coupled with the distance would be enough for me to bring the shutters down.

She cheated on him. I have figured out that was true. He couldn't go on a holiday with her cos he had no money so this has been an issue before

Can't see how he has debts since he doesn't do drugs or drinks. It's just so difficult to know how to even end it or what to say. He is lovely caring and listens but this is awful that he's so money conscious.

He is only 24. Maybe he doesn’t earn as much money as you think. I was broke when I was 24!

He said he earns 35k a year . And he said he has savings . So I don't know but I earn the same with a child and I can afford things within reason

Could you not just ask him?

Maybe I'm a bit direct, but I certainly would. There could be more going on than what he's told you.

I wouldn't want my child developing a stronger and stronger relationship with someone if I'm not sure about it. So ask him about it and decide whether you're happy with the reason or not

I'd have refused to pay €44 for coffee & cookies too. That's absurd.

Going halves is fine but he's positively mean. I think you need to work out what is going on.

He lives with his dad but are you sure he doesn't contribute to the household?
Is he paying for children from a former relationship?
Is he from overseas, and sending money home?
Is he paying off debts?
Why does he have a car if he can't afford insurance? Cheaper to sell his car and cycle /go by train.
What does he do for work? What is he paid?

You need to have a blunt conversation. Tell him you cannot afford to subsidise him, and if he cannot afford to date, he needs to tell you that openly and you'll end it.

My child met him twice he has no relationship with him. I have asked and he says 'I'm not good at saving' but then contradicts himself and say he does save and has savings. He said we can't do anything for a few weeks because he is getting a MacBook that's €400. That's only one weeks wages less than one week if he earns minimum which he earns more than that . I'm happpy paying and stuff to but I hate how he expected me to buy two redbull just cos he drove to me. That's rude he was going in to pay his own diesel anyway why would I owe him anything and when I said it he didn't acknowledge it

Sigh.

If ever there was a poster who needs to read Women Who Love Too Much it's you. @anon990 .

I am being serious. Just in case you are...

He's a tight arsed freeloader. That's really unpleasant. Save your money & the wear & tear on your car. Big red flag.

Dh has a mate like this & he keeps moaning about needing a new gf. It doesn't compute that the common denominator is him 🙄.

He does sound tight. But maybe he is really broke. He might not earn much.
I do find that type of thing pretty annoying.
I don't drive and wouldn't expect a bloke to. As where I live it's not the norm to have a car unless you're pretty loaded. But it's clear driving is necessary in your area. So he's making you do all the legwork.
I'd be pretty shocked at paying £44 for two toasties and non alcoholic drinks too though! So for that one I could forgive him.
It's clear you're already getting majorly turned off and things will only get worse. So it's best you part ways I think.

Oh give this man up as a bad job! Honestly, he'll drive you crazy.