Stingy man ??

[anon990]

Hi girls looking for some advice, sorry in advance if it’s long. I’m dating a guy 6 months now, official since last month. Completely different to my last relationship. But since the beginning I’ve noticed some money issues on his side. For example twice he’s had no car due to ‘not being able to afford his insurance’ he has a good job and works mon-fri. He lives at home and pays no rent. He doesn’t even drive to work as he’s picked up and dropped off everyday so no diesel cost. During this time I drove us around and drove us to our first overnight which I paid half of. When we went to the shop to buy goods for the night (cabin stay) I picked out malteseers to eat ( he was paying) but he insisted on party rings which were half the price I just went along with it. He always talks about the price of things, eg: he bought two toasties cookies and coffee for us recently and I just knew he would say something and he said ‘Jesus €44 like that’s mad would u pay that for the same thing in Tesco’ . I drove us places while he had no car and even had to get on the train with him once until he one day expected I was driving ( a very long drive) and I said no just pay your insurance? And then he eventually did. He doesn’t drink or go out or gamble so I don’t know how he doesn’t have it. One day I wanted to eat out somewhere and he said he’s broke so I got us McDonald’s. Another time we went out again broke apparently so I got us meal in a pub. I drive to his every week for 6 months and never asked for anything for it. This weekend he came to me and we were doing a hike, on the way back he pulled in for diesel , he keeps the door open while he’s pumping so I knew he had something to say and he asks me to go in and get us drinks since he’s paying diesel? He’s own diesel?? We did the hike and we had planned food afterwards. He doesn’t even mention it even tho I was starving and hadn’t eaten and this made me mad so I brought it up and he’s saying oh sorry I forgot and gets a €14 takeaway after? I just don’t know what to do he’s great in other ways but I brought out he said oh I’m sorry I thought it wasn’t bad I asked for drinks since I drove to you. And didn’t mention it again. It’s giving me the ick. What do u think is the tight or am I a b**ch . My last relationship he paid for all our stuff even tho I’d pay for somethings sometimes it was mostly him. This man wants to half everything even who’s driving!!

The cookies thing was 4 cookies 2 coffees and 2 toasties but it's not a normal cafe it's a boujee place we both wanted to try. One time I wanted pjs to stay at his so he brought me to Tesco I got them and when leaving I said oh I forgot body wash can you stop at centra so I can run in & he drove around to Tesco again saying 'do you know how expensive body wash is in there go into Tesco . No I don't know because it's less than a tenner anyway but he clearly knows

You're driving 2 hours every weekend to see him? and he never offers you any money towards fuel or offers to get a hotel near to you? What a gentleman, NOT.

Is his cock made of chocolate?

Seriously though, I have met people like him before. They are always "broke" or "skint". Except they aren't, what he is doing is saving up a nice big house deposit which he will use to buy his own place later on, by himself.

In the meantime he is taking financial advantage of a single mother.

Most of what you say about him suggests he's incredibly tight and quite hard work.

My last relationship he paid for all our stuff even tho I’d pay for somethings sometimes it was mostly him. This man wants to half everything even who’s driving!!

This though, suggests that your last boyfriend paid for too much! To say your current boyfriend wants to halve everything, including driving is fair enough, but you seem to be suggesting on the other hand that he wants you to do more than half of paying/driving.

He didn't do too much he was the father of my child earned so much more than me and I did contribute he would pay for our dinners outings and most of the holiday so he could afford it anyway it's not about him lol

😧

I don't know like some friends are saying it should be 50/50 and yes I just really am so put off by asking me to go and buy the drinks in a shop and all these small stuff constantly talking about the price of things is such an ick too . I have paid and he has gladly let me pay for the Aquariam and food where I drove us home as he had to get the train . I'll probably see him on the weekend and since I've brought it up now I'll see what happens in the next while but o feel like I can't put up with this

If you have a child to support, you had better start budgeting and saving and paying attention to where your money goes.

Being careless with spending is not somehow morally superior or more "cool" than being frugal. He sounds like a dud in more ways than one, but not because of that.

I have thousands in savings ? This is not the point of this point. I'm comfortable in my day to day life to not count every restaurant or activity I do

Why would you put up with it? He sounds juvenile, boring and dreary.

Surely there are better uses of your time and money than chasing after this dud. Preferable to be alone than to be squandering resources on someone you clearly are mismatched with and annoyed by. Isn't it?

That is an awful lot of money drama for only 6 months in! I can't figure out how he couldn't afford to insure his car twice in 6 months?? Surely you just pay for the year & off you go.... is there some pay-as-you-drive policy that I don't know about????

I pay monthly aswell as him but it's always paid as I need to able to drive it which he should too I have no idea how he couldn't

I am very clued into small things this time around so I've noticed all this fairly fast as I didn't notice enough stuff quick enough last relationship

Yes, but you would have signed up for an annual policy....

Anyway, you sound like you've got head screwed on - you don't need to be worrying about his money problems!

Made me feel sick reading that 🤢😳. Nothing worse than a tight man! No he’s already given you the ick I suspect next time you see him you will notice even more and probably end it althought I’d end it before you waste 2 hours of your time, he may have a drug problem like smoking weed you don’t know about because how can’t he afford his insurance if he’s on £35000 a year living at home whilst you can with a child

He's lying about being broke because he knows you'll pay for things.

No one who lives at home rent-free, working full-time, with no obvious drinking / gambling habits, should be "broke".

I would get out now, and learn to spot the signs early on so you don't waste 6 months on someone again.

I thought OP said cookies, coffee and toasties (which I assume means toasted sandwiches). In which case, €44 is about right for 2 plus service charge/tip. Standard eating out prices.

She did... so where I am it's probably €10 for a toastie & then coffee and cookie ~€7

€22 is probably on the high side.... but not by much.

Good.

You are totally right noticing these things with this one before you get attached further.

Run.

If he's 'skint' while living with his dad and earning a decent wage then there's either something big that you've not mentioned like gambling or drugs, which alone would be a dealbreaker.

Or he's saving for a house deposit and doesn't want to spend his money on non essentials. But he needs to be more open about that and not take the piss with the costs of dating you.

But nothing wrong with questioning the value of things like cafe visits, shopping at Aldi or Lidl or using all the toothpaste in the tube. Being careful with money and not wasteful makes your money go a lot further and is better for the environment, but obviously there's a risk of taking these things too far.

Living 2 hours apart sounds like an issue too. How did that come about? Unless one of you moves, then it's always going to cause difficulties.

Was in a relationship for someone for nearli 2 and h years who was tight. He did earn probably half of what I earned, minimum wage but I ended up paying for everything and in debt at the end. Have a frank discuion and get rid if this doesn't improve.

You were him in your previous relationship, having everything paid for you.

Take that with a big pinch of salt.

Being frugal is fine.Some couples thrive on their joint frugality. Lying is not fine.

Bin him. He will always be resentful of any money he spends when he’s with you.

I wouldn’t mind someone who was open about their finances and their savings plans and keen to have cheap dates but he’s trying to manipulate you into covering more than your share. It’s immature and ungenerous behaviour.

I think in the long term, couples who live separately need to have similar disposable income or if not a very clear decision how costs for activities will be split. But when you consider how frequently vastly different incomes and attitudes to money cause problems in marriages it’s going to be worse for people who are only dating.

It seems unlikely you are ever going to be able to spend and enjoy your money how you want to while you’re with him. You’re going to have to settle for only doing cheap stuff and going without your maltesers and a gazillion other things over time or pay for him.

Find yourself someone who has a similar financial outlook to you.

And he hasn’t split costs 50:50 if he wants you to contribute to his fuel costs but happily let you do all the driving for 6 months without offering a cent.

He doesn’t sound right for you.