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Original poster

Look rich but very poor

413 replies

greyfoxy · 12/01/2025 10:38

I live in a lovely house in a nice area, I wear nice clothes and I know people perceive me as being well off. The truth is I have absolutely no money. It's 2 weeks until pay day and I have £15 left. I will end up using credit cards to buy the essentials which is why I'm in this mess - my repayments are huge.

Anyone else relate to this?

OP posts:
EconomyClassRockstar · 12/01/2025 17:10

If the OP gave slightly more details, it would be easier to help them. Other than that, I'd suggest CAB.

As for the poster with the 7.5 k salary and 20k in debts. It's still January. Maybe make a belated NY resolution that this year you will clear that whole debt off and just take one holiday. Just for one year. It's really not that hard! And then you will actually be as wealthy as you're pretending to be.

InveterateWineDrinker · 12/01/2025 17:10

We're comfortable with the level of debt and don't stress about it. We're chipping away at it.

Well you do you, but when people default on debt it's everyone else who picks up the tab. That's probably why we judge those who live beyond their means.

Bogginsthe3rd · 12/01/2025 17:11

greyfoxy · 12/01/2025 10:38

I live in a lovely house in a nice area, I wear nice clothes and I know people perceive me as being well off. The truth is I have absolutely no money. It's 2 weeks until pay day and I have £15 left. I will end up using credit cards to buy the essentials which is why I'm in this mess - my repayments are huge.

Anyone else relate to this?

Exactly the same position but have a lot in savings. I think as long as you are happy that's all that matters. Could you take in a lodger ?

SnoopysHoose · 12/01/2025 17:12

@Bogginsthe3rd
How are you the same when you have plenty savings?
I never understand this sitting saying you're penniless rather than use savings.

RebelMoon · 12/01/2025 17:13

@Jollygoodtime09 you're not really "chipping away at it" as you're only paying the minimum each month. You're just treading water.

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 17:17

@rebel it may only be the minimum but there is no interest so we're paying off the balance.

devongirl12 · 12/01/2025 17:19

Quitelikeit · 12/01/2025 11:36

@Jollygoodtime09

not sure how 2k a month is enough to get business class on all those trips you take tbh

also I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my holiday knowing I had all that debt

Yeah, and business class would be the first to go, if it were me.

You can't afford business class @Jollygoodtime09

Go on cheaper holidays and pay down your debt. I think you'd feel way less stressed about things.

samarrange · 12/01/2025 17:20

I completely sympathise, OP.

I had a bit of good luck a couple of weeks ago that netted me a completely undeserved £20. I went to the local food bank and queued up to ask discreetly for the donation tin. While I was there a woman with immaculate hair and a very nice winter coat was one of the people getting food. We can all hit hard times.

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 17:21

Carol52 · 12/01/2025 16:56

Hi
I certainly can.
I work and have 2 children.
I try and live within my means but my dad past away a couple of years ago and I spend over £6,000 on credit cards I think I have been trying to spend to make myself feel better.
My mortgage is coming up for renewal and I think they may say I can't afford it . I never defaulted but my income is low.
My work colleagues think I have a good life but I worry all the time. So I feel for you.
Keep in touch. Xx

Please check out moneysavingexpert - hopefully you'll find some help. There is a 'debt free wannabe' forum which was a great help to me when I was in debt. If you post on there, people will give some advice x

RebelMoon · 12/01/2025 17:21

@Jollygoodtime09 oh sorry, I must have missed that in your post. Have you cut those cards up or are you still spending on them?

Hame · 12/01/2025 17:29

We're in a slightly different rich/poor boat. Our families are wealthy, but me and DH chose low paid work to do something we love. We own a really lovely home in the most expensive part of the city, part-own two family homes in the US and Europe via inheritance, but we never have much money!

We don't use credit cards as a rule - neither of us care about clothes/cars/stuff, and our clothes are old/repaired etc. I've had the same pair of leather boots for almost 20 years!

We're in an enormously fortunate position, and I'm very, very grateful for the freedom to pursue low-stress lives. So yes, people think we're rich, and we are, except we don't have much actual money!

samarrange · 12/01/2025 17:30

scandista · 12/01/2025 11:45

I'm a less extreme version of PPs.

We earn ok, £120k in London, get a bonus £15-20k every year. We own 80% of our £1m house. We have 3-4 holidays each year. We dress well, we eat extremely well. We have about £10-15k savings.

But we have about £12k of cc debt and live in our overdrafts.

We both suffered significant bereavements at a young age and I wonder if that's why we have this mad attitude to money. I wish we weren't like this but can't seem to stop.

We have about £10-15k savings. But we have about £12k of cc debt and live in our overdrafts.

Use the savings to pay off the credit card debt. Do it tomorrow. Do it this evening if your online stuff allows you. 🙏

It is absolute madness to be getting about 2% (possibly taxed) interest while paying 25% APR or whatever it is on your CC balance.

Yes, you would no longer have the savings, but if you suddenly needed £1000 for a car repair or a new washing machine, you could just... put it on the credit card.

Perhaps there is some emotional attraction to the idea of being able to say "Well, at least we have savings", but your total wealth is really one big pool, and the CC debt is leaking interest all over the place.

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 17:30

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 17:07

So much judgement. The cc debt could be anything and not necessarily fruitless spending. I have an SEN child who only leaves the house to go skiing. He learnt for free and loved it. We don't know any 'jones's' , none of our friends ski. It's up to us if we choose to take our DC on holiday/ have multiple holidays/go on holiday knowing we have debt. For my SEN child, a holiday is the only thing that gets him away from the house for a period of time.

We're comfortable with the level of debt and don't stress about it. We're chipping away at it.

I'm not judging for people being in debt. I got myself into about £19,000 of debt through sheer stupidity when I was younger.

You need to do what's right for your family at the end of the day, but I'd say your circumstances are slightly different to just needing to appear to be rich.

Some people like to create the illusion of living a certain lifestyle just to keep up with the jones's.

nomdegrrr1 · 12/01/2025 17:32

I found mumsnet long before I was a mum via a thread that got shared around. The OP of that thread had a high income, fancy house, flash car and a flat in Paris iirc, but it was all on credit. She was under on the mortgages so couldn't sell, had loads of maxed out credit cards and was at the stage where she would be at the supermarket choosing between toothpaste and toilet paper. The thread was deleted, but I've never forgotten the absolute despair in that post.

I also remember back in 1990 when interest rates were up at 17% and people who had variable mortgages were horrifically stuffed. I remember being thrilled when our mortgage rate went down to 6.5% - I was literally dancing with joy!

I don't think that I'd ever be comfortable having that sort of exposure if things went that crazy again.

Lungsonfire · 12/01/2025 17:35

Yes, me. I own about 50 designer bags I never used, I have about 30 jackets and huge wardrobe of clothes I rarely lay even open…
But I have about £1.50 in my purse and debt of about £2k..

kgov1 · 12/01/2025 17:35

You are rich in terms of income, you are just spending way too much!

Lentilweaver · 12/01/2025 17:36

Lungsonfire · 12/01/2025 17:35

Yes, me. I own about 50 designer bags I never used, I have about 30 jackets and huge wardrobe of clothes I rarely lay even open…
But I have about £1.50 in my purse and debt of about £2k..

Isn't this stressful?

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 17:37

Lungsonfire · 12/01/2025 17:35

Yes, me. I own about 50 designer bags I never used, I have about 30 jackets and huge wardrobe of clothes I rarely lay even open…
But I have about £1.50 in my purse and debt of about £2k..

Why? Would you not rather have money in your pocket to actually life a life?

Ladybyrd · 12/01/2025 17:37

Janedoe82 · 12/01/2025 10:42

Not personally been that broke- but know lots of ‘fur coat no knickers’ types who have got themselves into real messes trying to maintain an image.
We did it to some degree in our 30s but got rid of the SUV and credit cards and are far far happier now.
Go and see a debt advisor.

A "no" would have sufficed.

Lavenderflower · 12/01/2025 17:37

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

It sounds like your are living way beyond your means - I don't think you are setting a great example to your children.

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 17:38

Lungsonfire · 12/01/2025 17:35

Yes, me. I own about 50 designer bags I never used, I have about 30 jackets and huge wardrobe of clothes I rarely lay even open…
But I have about £1.50 in my purse and debt of about £2k..

*live a life

Monsterstogo · 12/01/2025 17:44

January is known for being a tough month. If it’s just this month I wouldn’t worry too much!

I will need to put my petrol on the credit card this month but will pay off when the bill comes in.

I try to minimise spending in January and February to balance out November and December and it evens out by then. I feel back to normal by March.

Pipsquiggle · 12/01/2025 17:54

I think life experience is so important when you look at people's spending patterns.

My DH and I work in cut-throat sectors, I have been made redundant twice as has my DH. It taught us that we always needed savings so we wouldn't have to be pressured to take any old job.

I used to have credit card debt of a few thousand pounds but now don't have any.

I personally couldn't go on expensive holidays with that much debt, however, I would be happy to go camping or caravaning or day trips for a change of scene.

@greyfoxy are you wanting advice on how to clear your debt or just wanted to share?

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 17:55

Monsterstogo · 12/01/2025 17:44

January is known for being a tough month. If it’s just this month I wouldn’t worry too much!

I will need to put my petrol on the credit card this month but will pay off when the bill comes in.

I try to minimise spending in January and February to balance out November and December and it evens out by then. I feel back to normal by March.

It's only a tough month as people go absolutely mental at Christmas which could be avoided!

MyLoyalEagle · 12/01/2025 17:59

This tread answer me question that I keep wondering that, where are those people get the money to fund the expensive lifestyle.