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Original poster

look will all you women just sort out your bloody money

111 replies

Cappuccino · 02/05/2008 11:07

endless threads about money

endless threads about people's dh's 'giving' them money for teh children/ spending the family money on twattage

will you just please all get it sorted DO IT MY WAY

all money that comes into house is joint money

you both have same amount of money to spend on fun - put in a separate account one for you one for him

you can buy books/ make-up/ Bacardi Breezers he can go to karate/ football matches/ buy magazines about bikes

when your fun budget is done you do not spend holiday fund/ children's clothes money/ food money/ take out loans in secret

JUST GET IT SORTED AND ALL THE WORLD WILL LIVE IN HARMONY FOREVER MORE

OP posts:
talilac · 02/05/2008 14:51

I agree with Capp.

Though it does rely on you / DH being somewhat sensible with money.

stillstanding · 02/05/2008 14:52

I'm with you, Capp. Although I don't get the fun money part ... When we got married we put everything in a joint account and then had a (very little) bit transferred separately to our own accounts. The idea being that was for birthday presents or such like. After a year we realised that we hadn't touched the "pocket money" and it was a total farce. Now everything goes to the joint account. Ultimately though I suspect that it was a good transition arrangement as I think we both found the whole idea of putting all our money in the ja very scary at first.

motherinferior · 02/05/2008 14:54

Yayyy, NorthernLurker!

Me too.

We do have a joint household account, but frankly I'll keep my own (with my own savings and pension) going independently, thank you very much.

NappiesGalore · 02/05/2008 14:56

i dont earn anything.
am financially dependent.
am going to take up interior design/photography/acting/prostitution tho and see if any of that pays at all ...

Original poster
Cappuccino · 02/05/2008 15:00

northernlurker I am your dh

I love my spreadsheet

it brings me inner peace

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 02/05/2008 15:02

If you pool your money, and it works for you, great.

If you keep your money separate, and it works for you, great.

This thread isn't about those who have it sorted though, is it?

stillstanding · 02/05/2008 15:02

I think that people underestimate how important this money issue is and how much it represents your marriage. I was very nervous at the beginning of our marriage about the whole joint account thing as was DH. I think we both thought that I would not pull my weight (due to my nasty shoe habit). But in turned out that while I would make the odd splash DH actually spent waaaay more then me on "fun" things. But I really didn't care because I do trust him and it is a partnership and all those other things that motherinferior gets cross about and if he wants to blow the whole lot ... well blow it he must.

Having said all this, I do appreciate that there are different strokes for different folks and when I read some of the threads on here I am genuinely shocked at how some men behave and realise that I am very lucky in DH ... If I had some gambling louse of a DH I suspect I would not be going the ja route at all but that would be because I didn't trust him.

NorthernLurker · 02/05/2008 16:16

Cappucino - that is exactly what he would say. If we ever split up over money I'll pass him onto you unknownrebel - this thread has made me think about what will I tell my daughters about money and relationships? Obviously I can't push the way we do it - because that is just right for us and if they have a partner whose not like my dh or cappucino then they are likely to run into a few problems. I think I'll go with a general 'talk about it and then stick to whatever fits' principle.

WideWebWitch · 02/05/2008 18:24

I do think it's wrong when a sahm isn't recognised as making a valid contribution to a household (since the alternative is to pay someone else to do it) and has to live on beans if her dh has steak every night.

We pool everything, I earn more and therefore dh has a nicer lifestyle than he would if he weren't with me. It works for us.

WideWebWitch · 02/05/2008 18:24

I have equal access to all accounts and know what's in them.

Tinker · 03/05/2008 19:00

I'm with NorthernLurker and mi on this. I'll tell my daughters to never depend on anyone else for money - as my own dad did to me.

Judy1234 · 03/05/2008 19:26

It just depends on the marriage. Always consider the divorce consequences too (as someone out the other side). Make sure you know what acconts and money there is. Keep copies of accounts and statements. Keep copies of P60s. Know where money is kept particularly if off shore. KNow earnings. Know what pensions you both have. Some women appear to be as thick as a plank in not even knowing these basic types of things. The time to find them out, keep the copies be up to date is when you're all lovey dovey and happily married.

tribpot · 03/05/2008 20:29

Xenia - that's not a "women" thing, my dh has no idea either. My dh is chronically ill (not that I'm suggesting being a SAHM is akin to this!!)and has no idea about our finances. That falls to me. I'm sure there are lot of reasons why a lot of couples end up in a similar situation.

I should say, I don't follow the practices of some of the WOHP mentioned in other threads - for example, regarding all the money earnt as mine to do what the hell I like with, and leave dh and ds with the crumbs after I've been larging it in Ibiza or watching footy in Moscow.

There are no hard-and-fast rules but I completely agree with the spirit of Capp's original post, which is (at least I think) that both partners' contributions in terms of time and money should be treated equally and both partners' rights to access the surplus left over from bills should be treated equally.

Judy1234 · 03/05/2008 20:55

I agree and when we were married everything was in joint accounts and neither of us spent more than the other whoever earned it. It was our money not his or mine. That does change a bit on divorce, sadly but the only way to avoid that is not marry and keep things in separate names.

southeastastra · 03/05/2008 21:02

we've been together for 18 years and we've never had a joint account, though we're not married. mortgage is in joint names.

different things work for different people.

Hassled · 03/05/2008 21:03

I agree absolutely in principle with OP and both DH and I feel the household income is "our" money.

However - I had a joint account with ex-DH and hated the lack of independence. With him our earning discrepancy was an issue; constant reminders that he earned more than me etc. The joint account made the me leaving him bit much harder. And the hangover from those days is that I need my own account - I absolutely trust DH never to take the piss, but I want some money in my account that is all mine. It's not much, but it's nice to know it's there.

Judy1234 · 03/05/2008 21:47

Expect if you earn more and divorce then you have to hand over loads of that money in your own name to your ex husband (not an issue as you've married someone who earns more though in your case)

Oblomov · 03/05/2008 21:51

Why do you need seperate accounts for the 'fun money' ?
Thats the bit I don't get.
Our money goes into the joint acount.
END OF.

jalopy · 03/05/2008 21:52

I think people who don't have shared accounts have relationship isshooos.

Honest.

Oliveoil · 03/05/2008 21:53

I work p/t. dh works f/t, money goes in one joint account

all bills on dd, go out 1st of the month

I get paid 30th of the month, so my wages go straight in and out again , but all our bills are then paid

dh pays himself weekly so his money pays for food and general stuff, ie cds. clothes, days out etc

I buy what I want, so does he, within reason we are not talking Chloe bags, but if I want some new shoes, I buy them, I don't have to ask

but we both kind of have the same attitude to money so this does help

Flame · 03/05/2008 21:56

I do it the Capp way

(Or, probably more the KatyMac way.... )

KerryMum - what the hell does being a single mum have to do with a thread about husbands giving hand outs??? It clearly isn't meant to be for single mums!

Oblomov · 03/05/2008 21:57

I can't find the Moscow football thread.
The no money for Alvin and the Chipmunks', now that was well funny.

Original poster
Cappuccino · 03/05/2008 22:02

oblomov fun money originally started for us because dh didn't want me to know exactly how much my birthday present had cost, because I reconcile the bank statements

so we set up little accounts just to give us a bit of independence

I mean we are talking tiny, tiny amounts, and it is not all the spare money by any means - obv most of our fun is shared

OP posts:
onebatmother · 03/05/2008 22:03

Katiemac's way is my way. I have all the passwords for online banking etc. Transfer between his and mine (sooooo rarely the other way round, but who knows, in the future.)

I agree it's shocking the number of men who use money in an abusive way. If DP ever did that - and we are very broke btw - I think that would be a deal-breaker.

pinkspottywellies · 03/05/2008 22:04

Haven't read any of the thread but here here to the OP!

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