Not sure what to do. Elderly wealthy mother wants me to keep 2 cars.

[Wearymom]

We are struggling with the cost of living. Me and my partner help my 88 year old mother and are our of pocket when we run her to hospital appointments and fetch shopping for her as she never offers to help with petrol or parking fees. I asked her once, after a long journey which used a full tank, and she begrudgingly gave me half the petrol cost. We have two 13 years old cars and are struggling to continue to pay to run both. My partner has now retired and has the state pension as his only income, but it does mean that we could manage with one vehicle. I explained to my mother that we may need to drop to one car soon, particularly when we get to the point when we need a replacement as they are both high mileage. My mother is wealthy (she has thousands in savings) so I assumed she could pay for the occasional taxi if I am using the one car for work. However, she decided to apply for attendance allowance and was successful. She has now offered to put £50 a week in to an account for us with the instructions it must be used to help buy a new car when the time comes, so that we can keep two going. I know that she's trying to be helpful, but now have a dilemma. I'm very grateful to be offered this money, but it won't go far towards another vehicle and we'd still struggle with the expense of keeping two cars on the road. I tried to explain this, but she just looked blankly at me. She's never been a car driver, so I don't think she really appreciates how much these things cost. Also, £50 a week would more than cover the errands we run for her. However, I think I'd rather she kept it for taxis. if I take the money I'll feel obliged to try and keep two vehicles going, but can't work out what to say to her now and feel a bit ungrateful. Sorry for such a long post and I'd like your ideas.

You'll have to be straight with her. You can't afford to run two cars, so she should keep the £50 and it'll be more than enough to pay for taxis for all her journeys. It'll feel hard, but she doesn't get to have everything exactly her way just because she's older.

Just explain to her that it costs a lot more than £50 per week to run each car, so you can’t afford it.

Do you have a car club near you? I think they are great if you dont need a car all the time.

Well tell her exactly how much it would cost to buy, insure tax maintain and put in petrol. Maybe she genuinely doesn't have any idea and you need to spell it out to her.

my car was £30 a week for insurance and servicing. Fuel, and the actual cost of the car on top…

Sorry mum. I know as a passenger you don’t know about car costs, and £50 a week wouldn’t keep a car on the road. It would get you a few taxis though.

Just keep saying the reality. You're now on a fixed income and can't afford more than one car. Ask her with detached interest what she's going to do about getting to appointments.

I remember my mum making occasional offers that were kind, but not really engaging with the huge cost of the things she was suggesting. I just thanked her and said we thought it wasn't a good idea. But in this case your mum is trying to retain you as a service for her benefit. It's not kind. Don't feel you have to be extremely kind back.

Just say no!

It's your money, your car decisions

You're giving her too much say on this

Gosh, I have to say I don't think my car costs £200 a month to run. I reckon it's £50 a month of net cost (dividing cost price by the time I have kept it for), plus maybe £600 per year on servicing, tyres etc. And then whatever on petrol.

Obviously if you don't want to run a second car that is totally fair enough. But I feel like it is probably possible to run a car for less than £200 a month, if you wanted to.

Just say 'no thank you' and don't entertain any conversation about it

But op needs to replace her car first, which it sounds like she would struggle to do. Add on insurance, MOT, servicing, road tax, fuel, general minor repairs etc and it sounds like it would be quite tight.

Cars tend to cost a lot more than you think they do. If you sit down and do the maths, you might be surprised.

Thanks for all your replies.I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I'll look in to a car club. The £50 a week would be extremely helpful in keeping the vehicles on the road. It would cover their costs of about £1,300 annually each (excluding petrol) to keep on the road so far. However, they are gradually starting to cost more (for example, one is still on its original clutch which will need doing at some point) and when we reach the stage that one needs a lot of money spent to keep it on the road, then I'm planning to go down to one vehicle. The problem is that my mum has stipulated that the money is to be used for a replacement vehicle, when the time comes, which is a much greater expense, especially if it happens sooner rather than later. Also my partner now has a bus pass, so it's tempting for him to use that instead of running two cars (but my mother's mobility is poor and she can't use public transport).

As I understand it, she’s not giving you £50 a week for running costs. She’s saving £50 a week and in due course will give you whatever is saved eg £2000 after 40 weeks of saving towards a new second car.

You are forgetting about actually paying for the car. Presume a loan would be necessary and it would be at least a 100 a month or more to service that.

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Say no unless she wants to gift you £10k (or whatever) to buy a new car and then contribute to running costs (perhaps £100 a month then, rather than £200)

Or she could buy the car and insure it with you as the main driver?.

You sound scared of your mother. Do you ever say “no” to her? She sounds like she holds a lot of power over you.

It sounds like she has absolutely zero idea of car costs and would grump at every turn if you didn’t buy a Mercedes on a Skoda budget, say!

I told her that it would cost £35-£40 a week to keep on the road and put petrol in, so there wouldn't be much left towards a replacement vehicle but that's when she just looked blankly at me. I fear it might have come across as ungrateful. The £50 would be so helpful to us too, but it's the strings attached to it that are the problem.

@Wearymom Im afraid you are letting your DM control you. You are an adult and she cannot tell you to have two cars. You cannot afford two cars so her offer is meaningless. Just tell her! Have one car and offer to take her places when it suits you. You aren’t able to do more. If this doesn’t suit, make appointments that do suit you when you have a car available. What would she do if you lived 200 miles away? This is just ridiculous and your DH should back you up. You cannot afford two cars now. Start being honest and standup for yourself.

You need to be straight with her man!

Tell your mother that helping her is putting you in debt, you can't afford to run around after her anymore. There's no point in telling her how much it all costs you, money, means different to her compared to you.

You need to say you can't afford it and she'll have to take taxis. Give her a local taxi number.

You must be in real trouble if a dangle of 50 quid is attractive. You can't afford to do this anymore.

I'd thought about her buying a car which she'd own and insure and I'd use when she needs transport. I'm not quite sure how we'd work it as she doesn't have a driving license though. Tbf she did say that she could gift up to £3K, but no more because it might attract inheritance tax, unless she lives another 7 years.

That's correct. It would be about manageable if both cars keep going for another couple of years. Then we'd have £5,200 towards another (not that that gets much now!)

She used to live 200 miles away and get taxis! She moved to be closer to us a couple of years ago, which has made life easier in many respects. I will have to put my foot down and my DH feels the same.

Um... does she understand that the point about the seven years will be that her estate will be liable for IHT including any money she gives away? That keeping it wouldn't prevent her estate being liable for the tax....?

She sounds tbh as if she hasn't much of a clue about money. All you can do is make decisions based on your own income. My father in law used to be upset that we didn't use his Holiday Property Bond for holidays when ds was small because they were so cheap. He pressured us quite a bit. The fact was that although they were less expensive than some self-catering places, we could only use them in the school holidays when they were twice as expensive, and it was all way beyond our budget anyway. He never got that but all we could do was keep saying it was too expensive and keep doing the occasional camping trips we could afford.

Not scared of her. It just took me by surprise as I wasn't expecting the offer and I need to think about my response.