Not sure what to do. Elderly wealthy mother wants me to keep 2 cars.

[Wearymom]

We are struggling with the cost of living. Me and my partner help my 88 year old mother and are our of pocket when we run her to hospital appointments and fetch shopping for her as she never offers to help with petrol or parking fees. I asked her once, after a long journey which used a full tank, and she begrudgingly gave me half the petrol cost. We have two 13 years old cars and are struggling to continue to pay to run both. My partner has now retired and has the state pension as his only income, but it does mean that we could manage with one vehicle. I explained to my mother that we may need to drop to one car soon, particularly when we get to the point when we need a replacement as they are both high mileage. My mother is wealthy (she has thousands in savings) so I assumed she could pay for the occasional taxi if I am using the one car for work. However, she decided to apply for attendance allowance and was successful. She has now offered to put £50 a week in to an account for us with the instructions it must be used to help buy a new car when the time comes, so that we can keep two going. I know that she's trying to be helpful, but now have a dilemma. I'm very grateful to be offered this money, but it won't go far towards another vehicle and we'd still struggle with the expense of keeping two cars on the road. I tried to explain this, but she just looked blankly at me. She's never been a car driver, so I don't think she really appreciates how much these things cost. Also, £50 a week would more than cover the errands we run for her. However, I think I'd rather she kept it for taxis. if I take the money I'll feel obliged to try and keep two vehicles going, but can't work out what to say to her now and feel a bit ungrateful. Sorry for such a long post and I'd like your ideas.

@SheilaFentiman ...as the post is about a car, we have no idea whether OP does anything else for her mum - she has poor mobility, can't get the bus - there might be other physical issues we aren't aware of...I did say there were other stipulations, so I'm sure OP would be able to work out whether or not she would fit the criteria

She hasn't been paying your expenses for giving her lifts everywhere. As far as I'm concerned she is in debt to you. She owes you money for petrol, parking and other costs. If she's not willing to pay you properly for those expenses, stop giving her lifts.

That's the real issue here. If she wants to give you £50/week, great. Deduct ongoing expenses and any unpaid expenses to date. There won't be anything extra.

She can't control whether you continue to run a second car, and you should not entertain the idea. If I were you I'd get rid of the second car sooner rather than later, save yourself the money, then you can put more money into maintaining the one remaining car, and save up to replace it when the time comes.

Why are people expecting the state to help a “wealthy” women with her transport needs? This is ludicrous. She has more than enough to pay herself and she should. The OP is being used and DM now wants her to have a car she cannot afford. DM has the money but hasn’t spent it. Now is the time! Buy the car or get a taxi. She could have given money away years ago to help out. Unfortunately she sounds mean.

Reduce to one car asap, your husband has a bus pass so you can manage with one vehicle, why continue paying maintenance costs etc unnecessarily? I wouldn't encourage your mother to buy a car because you will then be expected to be available whenever she wants. I'd just keep repeating that cars are expensive to purchase and maintain, you don't need two cars and it will be better value if she gets taxis. I wouldn't even discuss is further because it sounds like she doesn't want to accept what you say, she just wants a car and driver available when she decides it's necessary.

When you say you'd like her to get taxis, do you mean your mother by herself or with you or your husband accompanying her? Because if her mobility and eyesight are poor is she actually independent enough to be able to go shopping and to hospital appointments etc by herself, or does she need someone with her?
If she does then I'd get rid of one car when it suits you and ask her to pay for taxis to transport you/DH and her when needed. I wouldn't be pushed into buying another car I didn't want.

When DH and I retired, we had to have a serious conversation about keeping 2 cars. He seemed to think that it was perfectly feasible to have 2, until we actually sat down and costed it out. I don't drive long distances, really don't enjoy it, and the second car would have been costing us a fortune if we had thought about the 'distance to costs ratio.' IYSWIM. So we sold both and got 1 car.
I think you need to do something similar with your mother. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

This is an excellent suggestion, definitely worth doing if it's an option where you live, OP. There's Co-Wheels, Enterprise, Zipcar and others.

What about something really cheap and cheerful. I could pick up a fiat 500 with less than 34k on the clock for 3k. They are super cheap to run and tax which you could get for the £200 a month. We will likely buy DS a C1 to learn in for around 4k

Don't take her money, but also get rid of your second car. If she needs to go somewhere, she can afford a taxi. Your mother doesn't have any right to tell you how to arrange your finances.

No. She’s over pension age. PIP is for under pension age.

She would still need one of us to go with her as her mobility is so poor. I was aiming to get rid of the second car next summer when our son finishes 6th form. He uses the train but it occasionally lets us down and my DH ends up taking him in the car when it's cancelled at the last minute. I do feel that if I take the money she'll expect us to be on standby all the time.

About the taxis - as a PP suggested, there may be a local volunteer taxi service. She may still have to pay (petrol expenses at the least) but they might offer someone to go in with her.

Thanks SheilaFentiman. You've been very helpful and I'll look into this.

If you Google "community transport" + location you should find info about the options.

What would concern me about the whole idea is that your mother would then think you were her personal taxi and at her beck and call.

Mu aunt offered me £150,000 to add to whatever DH and I got from selling our house so we could buy one with a granny flat attached for her . Apart from the face that we had no intention of moving, we didn't want her money and the last thing I would want would be to be her carer and at her beck and call constantly. She went on and on - claimed she wouldn't expect any care at all, just wanted to be bear to us and 'it would be yours after I die'. She couldn't understand us just saying 'No' and not being prepared to discuss it. She rings constantly as it is, demanding things and we live several miles from her.

Would your mum have further expectations? Be very careful accepting money- the strings may be unbearable.

I couldn’t imagine taking money from my late parents or MIL for petrol, but it sounds like you may be struggling. We are both working and a combination of volunteer drivers, hospital transport, carers using their own cars, neighbours and the local Driving Miss Daisy franchise have driven my housebound MIL for medical appointments etc. when DH is not available.

She wealthily so she can own her own car ans all the running costs and insure you to drive it for her appointments

Or pay for taxis

How often are we talking about and what's the cab cost from yours to hers to hospital and return or miles

If you have to accompany DM can you do this with one car? How would that work? Bring her to your house the day before?

tell your mum that its impossible to keep a car on the road for £200 per month and therefore she will be better off if she uses a taxi firm.

If she wants to stare blankly that is ok, but you will not be able to continue running two cars, let alone save for a replacement for another car at the same time.

Sell or scrap your car before you give her this information and get her to keep her money.

I’d also get her to buy a car, get you on the insurance which she pays, and you use it just for her and she contributes the petrol