Not sure what to do. Elderly wealthy mother wants me to keep 2 cars.

[Wearymom]

We are struggling with the cost of living. Me and my partner help my 88 year old mother and are our of pocket when we run her to hospital appointments and fetch shopping for her as she never offers to help with petrol or parking fees. I asked her once, after a long journey which used a full tank, and she begrudgingly gave me half the petrol cost. We have two 13 years old cars and are struggling to continue to pay to run both. My partner has now retired and has the state pension as his only income, but it does mean that we could manage with one vehicle. I explained to my mother that we may need to drop to one car soon, particularly when we get to the point when we need a replacement as they are both high mileage. My mother is wealthy (she has thousands in savings) so I assumed she could pay for the occasional taxi if I am using the one car for work. However, she decided to apply for attendance allowance and was successful. She has now offered to put £50 a week in to an account for us with the instructions it must be used to help buy a new car when the time comes, so that we can keep two going. I know that she's trying to be helpful, but now have a dilemma. I'm very grateful to be offered this money, but it won't go far towards another vehicle and we'd still struggle with the expense of keeping two cars on the road. I tried to explain this, but she just looked blankly at me. She's never been a car driver, so I don't think she really appreciates how much these things cost. Also, £50 a week would more than cover the errands we run for her. However, I think I'd rather she kept it for taxis. if I take the money I'll feel obliged to try and keep two vehicles going, but can't work out what to say to her now and feel a bit ungrateful. Sorry for such a long post and I'd like your ideas.

Your mum can give you more than this amount if she has spare income rather than savings. Alternatively she could have the car as hers rather than yours. You just drive it.

So when I say income. If her income is £1200 a month and she only uses £1k and saves the £200, she can actually give you the £200 instead with no iht attached. But she needs to give it to you regularly not just all in one go. That works whatever the amount so it could be £600 a month if she has that spare etc.

This!

I've no idea why on earth you'd be tying yourself in knots over this?!

Well, she can gift you £3k pa and also make as many gifts as she likes of £250. So she can give you £3k in March and DH £250, and do the same again in April. That’s £6500 towards a new car.

(nb if she doesn’t gift the Money pre death then the iht will simply be payable from the estate - it can’t be avoided by not gifting)

Thanks mummyoflittledragon. This is why she wants to make a regular £50 payment. She's not offering any more than that although she has more spare income. It might be worth me looking in to her getting her own car (even though she isn't a driver)

You say your mother has thousands in savings. So it's not as though she cannot afford taxis galore, or to buy you another car.

I think, like many non-drivers she hasn't a clue what it costs to own and run a car.
Similarly she hasn't a clue how much cars actually cost to buy.
I think you need to to be blunt and sit her down and tell her exactly how much it costs to run an ageing car, and that with DH retiring your financial position has changed substantially and you will not be able to afford to run 2 cars let alone buy a replacement car when one is beyond repair, and that £50 a week whilst it's kind of her to offer would be like a drop in the ocean.

You can give her the choice of either gifting the ££ to buy you a 2nd car (have some idea of what that car would cost), and paying a substantial proportion of the running costs, OR she uses taxis when you cannot drive.

You cheered me up 🤣 We are running a Skoda on a Fabia budget!

Could she get PIP for mobility needs? If so she can get a car for you to drive her

It's strange, she does understand about IHT! If I was in her shoes I think I'd be trying to give as much away as I could to my son. I think she's worried about potential care home fees and she's always been frugal (nothing wrong with that)

Can you just explain to her you need to use the £50 to keep your car(s) on the road, for as long as you can, but when one of them 'dies' it will all need thinking about again.

at that point look at your & DH's needs and if you don't need a second car, then she'll need to decide whether to buy & run one or get taxis. And you'll need to weigh up the advantages & disadvantages of a second car v being a chauffeur.

You just need to be honest:

’Mum, running a car is really expensive and it will cost more than £50 a month to buy and run a second car that I don’t need. You’re better off saving that money and using it for taxis when you need it’

Thanks Autumn Leaves24. That's a good idea. The £50 does enable us to keep two cars running for the time being. Then we'll have to cross the 'replacement car bridge' when the time comes.

She could gift you 6k tax free as you can back date it a year.

And they buy the car with...?

@Wearymom You said she was wealthy. How wealthy? A bit of slack in expenditure is not wealthy. The AA has the best advice on how to calculate the cost of running a car. You need to look at everything including loss of income on the purchase price if it was invested instead.

Your DM can give you £1m if she has it. She just needs to live for 7 years for it to be IHT free. If that’s not likely, she can buy and run a car or get taxis. I appreciate she moved near to you so you were the taxi service but your circumstances have changed. So she needs to understand that.

She gets Attendance Allowance so no PIP eligibility

Just drop to one car and work around your husbands use of it to accommodate trips with her - if there’s a clash that can’t be changed then she gets a taxi or assisted hospital transport or they have these things called buses 🤣

@CoastalCalm

im glad you think you're so clever, but it's not funny or smart.

if you're going to make smart arse comments, at least read an OP's posts.

my mother's mobility is poor and she can't use public transport

The thing is that £50 is expenses rather than any gift. I am talking about a gift with no strings attached. This £50 would be for expenses. The government allows 45p a mile expenses for mileage in your own car when employed as a carer and ferrying her around is performing a carer role. So this is in no way gifting surplus money.

As an exercise, can you calculate a cost per mile based on 45p a mile over the month ferrying her around. Then present this to your mum. It doesn’t cost this much in fuel. It’s the on costs.

If you actually show your mum that this £50 is perhaps enough to ferry her around but not enough to buy a new car, perhaps she will understand how unreasonable she is being. She doesn’t have a choice at the end of the day. You will just reduce to one car.

What she should be doing is giving you a set amount every month of surplus income to fund a lease car or preferably a car loan.

Whilst your mum would not be eligible for PIP, you might be able to claim carers allowance? She gets attendance allowance, which is one of the eligible benefits - there are other stipulations, but might be worth a look?
I think her buying the car for you to use would be a better more workable idea, although it depends how demanding of your time she is, and would this be more as she sees it like 'she's bought you a car' - would she expect you to drop everything if she needed to go out? - if so, I'd be declining the offer, and saying she would need to use taxi's

You don't need a driving license to own a car, you just need one to drive. If she hasn't used her gift allowance last year you can go back a year (I think)so potentially she could gift up to £6,000 this year. It is an annual allowance so she could do it each year to get to a good figure for a car. Is she really going to leave a million? I assume she inherited from her husband so she should have his allowance and there is another allowance against passing a property to a descendant, so her assets possibly need to be about a million to attract IHT. And if her gifts to you did attract IHT it would come out of the estate.

Keep a record of gifts just in case, and there is taper relief over the seven years.

Not unless she was already in receipt of the mobility component of pip before she reached retirement age.

She’s claiming attendance allowance already which is the benefit for those claiming post retirement age.

Get her a phone she can use Uber on. Or perhaps more realistically one she can ring the local taxi company with and ask if they will set up an account so she doesn't have to pay cash.
Give her some info on car costs broken down properly including buying a new one.

It’s unlikely. OP’s dh wouldn’t be able to claim carer’s allowance in a state pension, and unless op earns very little (about £150 a week atm), she won’t be eligible either.

And really, nor should OP be eligible for carers’ allowance, based on posts so far. She is being asked to take her mum to appointments sometimes, a function that could certainly be fulfilled by a taxi company, which the DM could afford. Carers’ allowance is not intended for this “occasional” need.

Might Mum be able to utilise a driver volunteer service for those times you are unable to assist.