Dh used my credit card without consent

[Kazooing]

Hey,

I have a credit card that dh is a second cardholder for. It’s my account though and in my name solely. It’s our fallback and we use it if we’re running low. DH has a direct debit set up from his bank to pay the bill so I don’t really take much notice.
I happened to login yesterday and saw that the balance is £2800 which shocked me, I can see that there are 3 large transactions that account for this - one for the garage that repaired our car (£1200) another for the hotel we stayed in at summer ( £800) and £800 to b&q for building materials- we had some work done on our garden.

I confronted dh who explained that he hadn’t got the funds up pay got everything upfront so used the card. I can see he’s set up a monthly standing order of £500 to clear it over 6 months.

I'm annoyed that he didn’t ask my permission. He thinks I’m overreacting as he pays the bill so it’s only my card in name, it’s true that I contribute nothing towards the payments.

am I overreacting?

He's wrong for saying you're overreacting. That would piss me off more than the using it.

But these are all shared expenses? How did you pay your half, as it sounds like you don't have shared finances

It’s all been used for large family bills by the look of them - did you not wonder how the car had been repaired?

yes it sounds like you should be talking more to each other about finances

Did you know all three of these bills had been paid?
How did you think it had happened?

so he is a named user of the card which you have authorised... and he pays the bill when it comes in and you are annoyed becuase he has used it for household/shared expenses.

was he given the card with strict instructions NOT to use it without your permission?

it sounds like you need a conversation about household finances and to be fair i think you are bit cheeky when you pay nothing towards the bill anyway

So how did you think all these big bills had been paid? Did you not ask your DP at the time who was paying for them?

Of course he should have run it past you rather than just presuming it was OK.

That said, none of the things he has put on it seem too unreasonable to me as joint expenses and he does have a plan for clearing it.

I'd tell him firmly that on a going forward basis you hope and trust that he will inform you before doing something like this.

If you pay nothing, akd he has payment set up to clear it, and it's all joint stuff, I'm not sure you have much of a leg to stand on. But the communication could be better.

He’s an authorised cardholder and he alone pays the bill. He used a card he is legally allowed to use for family expenses and has a responsible plan for paying it back.

Where’s the problem?

Yes you are over reacting, given he pays it and even more so because these are joint expenses. Legally he's done nothing wrong as a secondary card holder.

Why is it in your name? Thats surely the most interesting question.

Neither DH nor I take on any debt, even interest free without checking with the other. We use credit cards liberally, including one another’s to maximize rewards, but pay them off in full every month. Accruing debt on the other person’s card would be a very big deal in our relationship.

If the money wasn’t available and the items were not absolutely essential, and garden supplies are not likely absolute essentials, the purchases should not have been made.

how did you think these things were paid for? If you aren’t taking an active role on paying bills and knowing your finances it’s a bit much to be annoyed about “permission” not being asked.

why have a credit card in your name but have the responsibility to pay for it in your DH’s bank account? Doesn’t make sense.

Do you ask his permission to spend on the card, given that he pays the bill?

What’s the point in him having a card if you don’t want him to use it?

The fact it's "your" card seems to be irrelevant. DH is a second card holder and pays it off.

I'd expect such large expenditure to be discussed in advance, but, as they all sound like things you would have known about, it seems like this happened. How did you think he was paying for them?

He does have permission. Because he is an authorised card holder.

and he pays it off. Surely YOU knew all there bills needed paying as well. They are joint expenses. How did you assume he had the cash to pay for it?

It's your card and only you named on it so yes he should ask for permission, you weren't to know he couldn't afford the funds upfront, the debt in is your name.

I thought you were going to say he’d splurged on something for himself. YABU

He’s a second cardholder, you say it’s ’our’ fallback and ‘we’ use it. You’re essentially operating a joint account in one person’s name, which is a bit unconventional.

As others have said, you need to discuss money more. If you’re leaving him to deal with it all, I don’t think you can get too worked up at how he deals with it!

I wouldn’t like someone running up debt in my name, so I wouldn’t give them access to my accounts!

Sorry I read the end where you are the named holder, but he should still discuss it

i admit i was expecting a mysterious 'hotel room' bill

It sounds like you need a good long chat about family finances if you can communally rack up £2800 in spending without you having any idea how that’s being paid for.

Yep, this.

He should have told you, if you're the one who manages the family finances (I am in our family, so would want/need to know something like this), but asking for permission, when he pays the bill, smacks of wanting to have it both ways.

Your financial set-up sounds a bit odd - not properly shared (the comment about him not having the funds), but him paying your CC bill?

He doesn’t need your permission to use a card he is authorised to use.

By virtue of the fact he has a card he already has permission to use it.

I presume you’ll be paying the bill in future then?