Dh used my credit card without consent

[Kazooing]

Hey,

I have a credit card that dh is a second cardholder for. It’s my account though and in my name solely. It’s our fallback and we use it if we’re running low. DH has a direct debit set up from his bank to pay the bill so I don’t really take much notice.
I happened to login yesterday and saw that the balance is £2800 which shocked me, I can see that there are 3 large transactions that account for this - one for the garage that repaired our car (£1200) another for the hotel we stayed in at summer ( £800) and £800 to b&q for building materials- we had some work done on our garden.

I confronted dh who explained that he hadn’t got the funds up pay got everything upfront so used the card. I can see he’s set up a monthly standing order of £500 to clear it over 6 months.

I'm annoyed that he didn’t ask my permission. He thinks I’m overreacting as he pays the bill so it’s only my card in name, it’s true that I contribute nothing towards the payments.

am I overreacting?

No, he’s a second card holder and presumably has a card with his name on it.

Oh dear ...
Not a problem here, just husband and me, finances shared.

He’s an authorised user for the card though. He’s set up a direct debit to pay it back. I don’t really understand the issue especially and it’s all shared expenses.

You’re being ridiculous. Although I’m also waiting for a drip feed.

You gave implied consent when you set him up as a 2nd cardholder on the account.

Yes, perhaps he should have told you that he needed it to pay a large bill, but you authorised him to have the card, and that's that.

He is an authorised card holder.
He pays the bill.

Are you controlling in other ways?

What a scumbag. Fancy using your joint card on which he is a named cardholder for joint expenses and then paying it off all himself. Such arrogance! Time to get your finances in order and move on (after he has paid any of your outstanding debts, of course).

Of course you are being unreasonable.

He paid the expenses and pays the credit card bill.

Why does he need your permission?

If it’s solely your credit card, then why don’t you usually pay it off yourself?

And why did you not pay for these expenses or go halves?

I can only assume that this is a reverse or a joke thread, because I don’t believe anyone is this selfish.

If you broke up today then the card company would expect you to pay it back and your h wouldn’t be liable for any of it.

Yanbu to expect him to have told you when he used the card. That’s basic manners

What a ridiculous set up.

yes, he shouldn't run up a debt in your name, but your financial arrangements need sorting out.

If you have an issue, remove him as a signatory and pay your own bill 🤷‍♀️

Loving the not-so-subtle financial shaming… I was wondering which one would win out here - what a dilemma for the good folk of mumsnet, heap blame on The Man, or heap blame on OP? 🤣 Both approaches are equally loved and relished on here.

They are married.
Finances are joint.
Not relevant at all whether OP pays half, more or NONE of the bills (anyone here SAHM, hmmm???)
They had an agreement on this aspect of their finances
He changed it without running it by OP
She queries it to be told she’s ‘overreacting’

NOT ON.

OP it might be perfectly logical and ok and legal for him to manage the card use in this way. But it’s never, EVER ok for your partner to dismiss you bringing up a discussion about your joint finances by telling you you’re overreacting. So YANBU.

Well he spent it all on joint things, not himself. He explained he didn’t have the funds upfront, maybe didn’t want to go into overdraft. He’s going to clear it. What exactly is the problem here?

@Kazooing why would anyone be going on holiday or doing garden renovations when they do not have the money in the first place! presumably, you also went on holiday? even the car repair should have been paid from normal bank account and not on credit card or get rid of the car! once interest is paid the cost will be higher!! he needs to aim to clear it asap. remove the card from his possession.

But it’s never, EVER ok for your partner to dismiss you bringing up a discussion about your joint finances by telling you you’re overreacting.

I think it’s okay when the person in question actually is overreacting. I bet if the OP was the breadwinner and paid the DH’s credit card bill and he went off at her for putting household stuff on the card, the response would be very very different.

Neither of you are covering yourselves in glory to be fair. I don't see how you can have that amount of expenses without it crossing your mind that it was a lot of money and would need paying. And if the account is in your name you should be aware of everything that is paid from it.
Otoh, DH should be discussing with you any payments from an account that is your fallback, and he certainly shouldn't be accusing you of overreacting. Unless you went full on demonic at him.
Makes me wonder - where did you think the payments for those big items was coming from?
And how much oversight do you usually have over your household finances? Do you generally leave it all to him, or is it usually all discussed, or does one of you take it on themselves?

Yes I think you’re being unreasonable. It was used for large house things (how did you think they were paid for 🤦‍♀️). He is an authorised user AND pays the bill.

The way you describe it, it is a joint card albeit technically it’s in your name.

You need a better grip on your finances (i.e. know how major things in your house were paid).

Thanks guys. He sorts all of the finances so I think he just thought it was ok. I agree that our communication is poor. I think he was embarrassed to not have the money and thought I would moan if he told me, so he just used the card!!

It's all for joint purchases..... but he should have told you first.

I think you need to get your joint finances sorted out together and he needs his own card and yours cancelled.

You answered your own question there.

You’ve said that he handled all of the finances yet you’re mad at him for doing just that.

Maybe just more clued up on your financial situation and what is going where.

Using the credit card for repairing the car is exactly what credit cards are for isn't it? Unexpected large bills.

Where did you think the money for the hotel and the garden work came from? You must have some idea of how much disposable income you have, when there's a big bill for the car then holidays and garden work wouldn't happen.

You definitely need to work on communication, don't use the credit card for things you should be saving up to pay.

YABU, help take control of finances rather than complaining.

What do you mean ‘he sorted the money’?

You can’t just let him sort finances then complain about how he does it, whilst pretending you don’t have any responsibility for family finances.

Are you serious saying you didn’t know those 3 expenses in quick succession would be an issue?

Don’t you have a joint account? Or do you just transfer your share of the bills straight to him?

Imagine the roles reversed......financial abuse / controlling etc. would be shouted from the rooftops!

Legally you have given him permission by making him a secondary card holder. Why isn’t the card in his name if he has responsibility for paying it off?