To think that DH needs. Reality check

[Autumnine]

AIBU to DH or does he need a reality check?

so in the grand scheme of things, I suppose we are fairly financially secure. we both have decent jobs, and have a house that we like which is mortgaged. Mortgage has increased by a fair chunk recently, which I know is the case for lots of others too. Thankfully we are able to make the higher payments, however inevitably it has eaten into the spare money that we have leftover after everything is paid.

We decided to draw up a budget, which is something that we never really done before. Prior to this we are just sort of let our money sorted self out, which in hindsight was probably not a good strategy! We have worked out that after we have paid for all of our essential bills, food, childcare, and saved into our emergency fund then we should both be left with £600 per month, that each of us can spend on whatever we want. This is money that isn’t allocated to any pot.

dh is moaning and feels that this isn’t enough. I think that is crazy. I think that’s £600 of essentially pocket money is something that should be considered a luxury, and not something to moan about. He is more of a fritterer than me, and I think he is worried that he will burn through that money very quickly. I am more inclined to save mine to buy something bigger after a few months.

Is he unreasonable by thinking that £600 a month spare is not a good situation, or does he need a reality check?

He needs a reality check, and to get on with it. No doubt he will be asking for some of yours when he’s spent his.

why does he believe he needs more money? Is he thinking it because he earns more of the income?

I’m not saying that’s right, I’m just trying to get to the root of his logic to better understand where you go from here.

£600 each sounds like a lot. However, does that have to include Christmas, birthdays, holidays, clothes/ shoes/ essentials for children, family days out etc. or is that purely spending money on anything you want for yourself? If so then £600 isn’t going to get you very far at all.

That’s a lot of left over money each every month and he should be able to easily manage.

I'd love to have that to save, I have 100 left after all bills are paid out. That 100 I make sure I put some away in saving then the rest for me.

He's an idiot.
Some people have precisely £0

£600 is a lot to have left. If it is purely disposable fun money then he does indeed need a reality check.

If he’s managed on £600 before you did the budget plan, it’s not going to be a problem. Tell him to try it for a month and see where he’s spending his money. £600 sounds a lot, but I know colleagues who buy 3 coffees, snacks, papers/magazines and lunch each day and spend around £20, so there’s £400 gone, then they go to the pub for an hour after work once a week, so they’ve easily spent £600 per month.

I get the impression that’s £600 in total, which is crazy low for two people. He needs to get a second job or one job that pays more.

Literally every penny I earn and more is allocated to bills. Any discretionary spending, for the next two years goes on dental work. No clothes, shoes makeup or meals out. No savings. He is very fortunate, what could he possibly need to spend that much on?

Exactly.

TBF, it doesn't really matter what he wants does it? That's the amount you have left and the reality of your situation!

What sort of thing would you be spending £600 on?

It's not a race to the bottom but people on benefits are given £384 a month to eat and pay bills with so perspective?

I did this and it's helped me see where I'm wasting my money. I trialled it for 3 months & then increased my savings by £200 so I had £200 less to spend on crap. I put my spending money in a prepaid debit card so I manage my spending better.

Would something like this work for him? I was spending almost £200 on coffees & snacks so that amount goes straight into premium bonds now.

I get the impression that’s £600 in total, which is crazy low for two people. He needs to get a second job or one job that pays more

Even if £600 disposable income was for a family, I can't see how anyone could describe that as 'crazy low'. Have you been living under a rock? It's a lot more than some.

I think it’s plenty for those things! That’s almost exactly what we have left over each after mortgage/bills/childminder/savings etc and we have what i would consider a pretty healthy household income. It’s all relative I guess.

What does he think him moaning to you about it "not being enough" is going to achieve? Does he think you can make more magically appear? Or (as another poster has suggested) you will give up some of your share so he can have some extra frittering money?

It's not clear if it's purely disposable or if stuff like holidays, birthdays and Christmas have to come out of it. That would be tighter. But the point is still the same. He can only have/spend what is there. If he insists he needs/wants more he needs to come up with proposals for how to increase household income or trim outgoings. Just moaning is pointless. Sorry, I know I'm repeating myself but he reminds me of my own husband who is genuinely unhappy if he hasn't got money to mindlessly fritter. He ends up with nothing at all to show for it, I don't get it.

Have you accounted for irregular and unexpected spending in your budget? Birthdays, insurance, car repairs, holidays, clothing - I even have a savings pot for new pairs of glasses as mine are so expensive it's not a sum of money I want to have find from other places when I need new ones.

If not, (a) you don't have £600 of disposable income and (b) you are going to end up funding all of the above from your share simply because you will have saved it and he will have spent it.

I can imagine that DH feels resentful if he's used to being able to spend without thinking and now he has a budget to think about, even if it was partly his idea that you both have a budget. But it sounds like you either do it now, or you do it later when you're hit by a new cost you can't absorb. Far better to do it now.

Who cares if it’s a lot more than some people? OP isn’t posting about random people, she’s posting about her husband.

I would really struggle on just £300 disposable so I can relate to his feelings. So for me (and probably him) £300 a month really is crazy low.

Well if that's what is left after the rest is assigned it is what it is, if he wants more, he'll need to work more? Not rocket science.

You said £600 each to be spent on whatever you want? If that's right that's a lot and he needs a reality check @Autumnine

It’s irrelevant what other families have some will be in minus figures and some will have thousands a month to spare.

What he is struggling with is the reality that he can't just spend without thinking. Even the well off need to consider this, they will spend time working out how to make money work for them whether it’s limiting tax or moving money around for better interest rates or investing. Whilst others spend all their time petrified they can’t pay their rent or feed their children properly.

What does he actually use his fun money for ? Is he someone that has not much to show for his fun money?

How much per month was he spending before you did the reality check budget?

He feels £600/month is not enough for purely discretionary spending?

What on earth does he spend all of that on, every month? I would really have to be frittering-as-an-Olympic-sport to get through all that. There are only so many coffees, so many haircuts, so many new clothes and shoes you can want.

What does he spend on? Does he have an expensive hobby? A designer-clothes addiction? Some sort of image to uphold with his friends?