To think that DH needs. Reality check

[Autumnine]

AIBU to DH or does he need a reality check?

so in the grand scheme of things, I suppose we are fairly financially secure. we both have decent jobs, and have a house that we like which is mortgaged. Mortgage has increased by a fair chunk recently, which I know is the case for lots of others too. Thankfully we are able to make the higher payments, however inevitably it has eaten into the spare money that we have leftover after everything is paid.

We decided to draw up a budget, which is something that we never really done before. Prior to this we are just sort of let our money sorted self out, which in hindsight was probably not a good strategy! We have worked out that after we have paid for all of our essential bills, food, childcare, and saved into our emergency fund then we should both be left with £600 per month, that each of us can spend on whatever we want. This is money that isn’t allocated to any pot.

dh is moaning and feels that this isn’t enough. I think that is crazy. I think that’s £600 of essentially pocket money is something that should be considered a luxury, and not something to moan about. He is more of a fritterer than me, and I think he is worried that he will burn through that money very quickly. I am more inclined to save mine to buy something bigger after a few months.

Is he unreasonable by thinking that £600 a month spare is not a good situation, or does he need a reality check?

£600 per person is a lot. We get £500 and I pay for my ladies ski trip, clothes, any lunches/coffees I buy at work and christmas presents.

However if he's used to buying his coffees and lunches I can easily see how he spends it and has nothing to show for it. I would treat him to a thermos flask and a nice lunch box.

Whats he going to fiend £150 per week on?

From the way the op is written, I interpreted £600 each per month, so £1200 total.

As purely discretionary spending, this would be higher than the majority of households.

Saying 'I spend more than £x' is different to saying '£x is objectively low'. £600 x2 isn't 'crazy low' in the UK context, it is pretty high. £300 x2 wouldn't be 'crazy low' either.

@Autumnine In the past, who spent most of the leftover cash each month? If it wasn't allocated and your DH was able to spend the majority of the joint funds, I guess he has to adjust and this might not be fun for him. However, you have the income you have! You definitely do right to have a budget.

It can help to look at UK averages to assess where you are. Observing other people gives a picture than can be very skewed - you have no idea if their trip to a restaurant was paid for with cash or credit.

If your mortgage has gone up, and you're needing to budget for the first time, it's an adjustment. So your DH may legitimately be feeling like things have got tighter, whilst you're also legitimately feeling that £600 is manageable.

What do you spend it on?? I can't imagine spending £600 a month just on random stuff.

He doesn't want to face the reality of what he does with his money. I find many people don't actually consider that all the coffees, little treats, unnecessary things they buy add up to a heap of nothing. Buying on impulse, not considering whether they really want or need it, believing they deserve a treat etc, uses up lots of money. He needs to focus his mind on where the money goes.

That's not 'crazy low' even if it were for 2 people. 🫣

You'd struggle on that amount?
What on earth are you spending that on?

Have you asked him what he expects you to do about it? Does he want to reduce savings, cut costs elsewhere or some other suggestion? Otherwise he sounds like a sulky child who wants more pocket money. And it puts you in the weird situation of parenting him, which won't be fun longer term. The whole point of a budget is to mutually agree to keep to it, not for one person to have to do all the work and keep the other person in line. Its a joint responsibility.

It doesn't sound like you've actually talked about what he needs the money for exactly? That might be eye opening.

I think it depends what the money has to cover. The OP talks only about budgeting for "essential" bills, but there are quite a lot of "non-essential" bills that really need to be covered. Things like clothing, transport, insurances, school related costs, children's clubs and activities, presents ...

If all these are taken into account, then, yes, £600 each is loads.

However, if OP and her DH are currently finding the money doesn't go far enough and feel that they don't have enough, then they really need to do more of an investigation into where it is being spent.

I would wonder what exactly he needs more for...

It’s not a straightforward question. Objectively £600 per month is a good amount and probably more than lots of people have, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel low to him if it’s less than he usually has.

We all have a lifestyle that fits our affordability, so if he is used to having £1000 a month to spend then £600 is low to him and he’d have to adjust his lifestyle to meet that.

He needs a reality check! After bills I have around £190 left for the month. And I spend that on activities for the children for the most part. If he wants more money he can take a second job at night after the children have gone to bed!!! X

It’s not a lot but that what he’s got. So he’ll have to deal with it or get a pay rise.

What's his answer? That he should have more than you? That you should get a higher paying job? Make sure that he doesn't start overspending on purpose and cutting into yours!

This is the key thing. Depends what the money has to cover

If he needs £150 for petrol; £50 for car insurance/MOT/road tax; £50 for gym membership; £50 for phone contract; £50 to spend on birthday and Christmas presents; £50 for personal clothes and toiletries; £50 on Sky/streaming services subscriptions ... then a lot of the money is gone, and he hasn't even gone out once for a quick drink!

She said after essential bills though.

I don't consider any of those to be "essential" bills. That's why the devil is in the details.

Car costs would be considered essential costs by most folk, if they need the car to get to work etc. Mobile costs too, unless it's a fancy and unnecessary upgrade. Similar for a basic gym package.

I sometimes think my dh thinks it's a constant flow

I deal with all the household admin and finances and I also run a business so I'm constantly looking at figures.

I recently booked us a long awaited family holiday for next year and have told everyone we need to buckle it in and down grade things like food shopping as it gets out of hand.

He couldn't understand why I was downgrading certain things till I sat him down in front of the figures and told him he's a selfish ass because he just lets me shoulder it and actually the amount of luxury spending this family does is shocking. 😮

It's sunk in now but what is it with some men

That's over £100 a week. What on earth is he spending it on? I think £400 is enough for personal spends. That's what DH and I have each. Over that it goes in savings.

It's not £300 it's £600 a month each and he says it's not enough for him.

Even if it's £600 in total, and not £600 each, that's still plenty of spare money after all outgoings are taken into consideration.

Or were you being sarcastic?

£600 between 2 would be very low for us.

No. It's all irrelevant what other people do and don't spend.

Be glad you're not on benefits.