Dad doesn't work and expects me and government to pay for his children

[Sherb2024]

Hi,

I am so upset and cross about this
My ex husband works 4 hours a week and therefore provides £1 per day for his children (£30.30 per month) His wife who is a family law solicitor who deals with divorce and finances enables him not to work and they both believe the child allowance I receive pays for them. Obviously the money I get from him and child allowance no where near covers the costs of raising 2 children.
I don't think there is anything I can do to change this situation and they are both quite mean to me, and I struggle with this a lot. The children hate going and always have (we split up when I was pregnant with our 2nd child) and ask me sometimes how old they have to be until they can choose not to go. I believe this isn't until they are 16 (they are 10 & 8 now) Is there any advice or help on how I can cope with this situation as it's so emotionally draining?

It certainly is amazing how many men suddenly become SAHDs post divorce having expressed zero interest previously.

As your DC get older they will make up their own minds about their father . My 3 DC are now adults and have very very little contact with their father due to appalling behaviour on his part when they were younger such as moving abroad to avoid paying maintenance, cancelling promised visits etc etc . Oh and his next wife tried to make herself the point of contact if I had any issues !
It’s tough but I agree you need to refuse to deal with new wife and please don’t send the DC if it is distressing them .

This is helpful.

I would reply:

It's your responsibility to provide for the children when they are with you. I provide for them when they are with me. You pay £30 per month for both children which is clearly not enough for even one item each of school uniform. You need to provide for them when they are with you, and I'll continue to provide for them as I always have.
Kind regards

Then look into stopping the children going there.

They sound like utter shits.

I’d say that based on the reply the OP got from the new wife. It’s fairly clear that how the OP presented the facts is the truth.

if the dad was a living involved and responsible parent he’d have replied and would also have ensured that if the decision for him to be a SAHP was best for his new family that the family pot aka his wife’s income was also able to cover his financial obligations to his first two children.

clearly not the case

Just thinking out loud really. I know this is something taken into consideration during divorce when one has moved in with a new partner.

I'd be tempted to photograph £30.30 worth of groceries and send a picture to your ex captioned "This is what your maintenance covered for your children this month, you piece of shit. And no, it didn't stretch to school uniform."

I probably wouldn't but I'd be tempted.

She has no children and the reason I had her in a group message was because I hoped she would be more reasonable and he would stop sending awful messages to me. It helped a bit initially but as time has gone on it's not making any difference now. So yes I think leaving the group is a good idea. Thank you for all your messages of support it does really help!

Hasn't this solicitor landed herself a prize?

What despicable people.

Stop making them go if they don't want to, it's a miserable and damaging experience being packed off to someone who doesn't want you there.

If they say they don't want to go, then don't make them.

Realistically, judges are not keen to force contact on unwilling teenagers.

From age 11, 12, 13 they'd be unlikely to be compelled if they decided that no longer want to visit their father.

So about three years to go....

So if there are no young children why is your ex only working 4 hours a week ?

It’s in the OP @Mylovelygreendress

My ex husband works 4 hours a week and therefore provides £1 per day for his children (£30.30 per month) His wife who is a family law solicitor who deals with divorce and finances enables him not to work and they both believe the child allowance I receive pays for them.

Because sadly he is very lazy and her salary allows him not to work I guess!

So he can get away with paying 1 measly pound a week for his children.

Ha! When I split up from my first husband he told me that if I ever tried to claim a penny from him for our son he'd lose his job that day and never find another. I didn't bother claiming; I knew he meant every word.

She’s got herself a cocklodger! 😂

Oh a threat like that and I’d rise to the challenge- serve him right to find out what living on benefits is like

More fool her. He obviously has no pride, and he's definitely shown his non parenting side.

Delete her from the WhatsApp group and just deal with him.

Can you leave a clean change of clothes in their pe bags?

I’d be really petty and send lots of letters to each of her colleagues with screenshots of the conversations exposing him and her 😂 that’d go down well.

Maybe the fact he cba to contribute gives it away slightly

There are other places in the world where intentionally leaving your job isn’t a reason to stop paying child support. You can’t just decide to be a sahp and live off your spouse. The court can decide to impute an estimated income based on previous earnings and market rates.

the obligation to support your children shouldn’t go away except for extraordinary circumstances like long term disability. Even being a sahp to young children is a conscious decision someone has to make, they could choose not to have additional children or to keep working after a brief parental leave.

I know it's a cliche, but how do these people sleep at night??

Whatever they think of you, why take it out on his children?

Screenshot all messages before leaving, and all messages between your Ex and his wife directly!