Leaving everything to the child not partner in a will

[Orangeoranges42]

Been with partner 10 years
lived together 7
We have one child aged 3
Both mid 30’s
no other children or previous marriages etc
We’re 50/50 on our house and DP recently brought a little flat, mainly from family inheritance.

In our will DP wants to leave this property and savings etc to our child, not me.

Should anything happen to either of us the house insurance pays our house off pretty much and it transfers to the other person.

Is it a bit strange he wants to leave the second property to our child not me? Although our mortgage would be paid off with the general cost of life I’d still probably struggle. Our house is only a 2 bed, perfectly nice but nothing extraordinary so I couldn’t really downsize etc nor could I imagine wanting to.

I’m loyal always paid my half etc. just not sure if this sits right. I was brought up in a house where everything goes in one pot, where we pay everything % of salary into one pot.

I’m not sure how to say this kindly, but it doesn’t sound like he sees you as family. He doesn’t feel the same responsibility towards you.

Although, it’s probably more tax efficient for your DC to inherit direct from her dad rather than via you.

I probably should add I’m a full on dedicated mother one of those annoying types.

I go without to ensure our child has savings (without new clothes or having nail done and luxuries not essentials) so I can’t imagine he ever think I’d put our child second.

I wonder this too I think you’ve probably just worded it clearer.

We’re not married because of the cost and he can’t really be done with the hassle and attention but there’s just something in my mind that worries this.

They are reasons not to have a wedding though rather than not to get married.

It's actually quite sensible to do this as it minimises inheritance tax. There are consequences though.

I think I would have done the same as him. You get the house you currently live in and your (his) dc gets the second. From his point of view if something happened to him and you had another child with someone else, your inheritance would naturally split between your children. Worse, if you remarried and died, then everything you own could go to your new husband, cutting his child out completely. He wants to ensure that his family's inheritance goes to his child.

I'm actually planning to do the same - in my will to leave my small rental property to my child rather than my partner (same as you, our mortgage on our home would be covered by insurance in the event of either of our deaths and would be owned entirely by surviving partner). Nothing to do with not being committed to my partner etc.

My share of our family house goes to DH. But the cottage I inherited from my parents (currently rented) goes directly to my DC.

DH doesn’t need it. He has the main house. It’s not like I’m leaving him short. If I give the cottage to him my DC might not get it, eg if he gets older and goes in a home then the home would take it.

Honestly I think you’re being ridiculous and a bit greedy. The property is going to your child - personally I’m happier for my child to receive something than I am to receive it myself.

Getting married is cheap. It also makes you a legal and economic unit.

he is further signaling that he does not view you as his full partner with this inheritance plan.

I think you have to think about the practicalities of what happens if the unthinkable happens and one of you dies when your child is still young. Owning the house is one thing, but you might want the flexibility to work less hours so you can better support the child. There might be more childcare costs etc. I think leaving it all to the child would potentially be a problem in that circumstance.

Is this so that the following can't happen:

He dies, you marry someone else and the new partner becomes entitled to half of what you have, which then could take away from your children?

You should both have life assurance in favour of each other, over and above paying the mortgage off, which would deal with the financial issues you are raising. At your ages it will not be expensive, assuming no major health issues. This is nearly always advisable for couples, and even more so where there are children in the mix. Alternatively, you could insure for an annual income, eg while your child is a dependent,

I'd also advise you to explore the legal advantages of marriage, as an earlier poster stated this need not be expensive. There will be information on this site if you search for it.

Oh and finally, make sure you don't always sacrifice your own wants and needs for the family. ( Been there, got the teeshirt big time, it did not end well). You matter too. 😊

To be honest I did the same. Husband had the minimum left to him in my will to avoid him being able to contest - this rest goes to the children

And yes it's to avoid second marriages/relationships/second families benefitting financially from what I had earned

I think it's a sensible approach. He wants to provide for both of you. The next generation will have it so much harder and it's so difficult to get on the property ladder, so I think he's right to give your son a helping hand

I I’ve left my share to my DC. For sure my h would remarry and is too lazy to sort a will and doesn’t basically give a fuck. So yeah

You haven't said what his reasons are for wanting to do it that way. Surely you've discussed it with him, expressed your concerns and he's had something to say in response? There are all kinds of reasons families might put assets under the legal title of various individuals. We can't really advise without knowing what they are.

@ihaventfedthecat ice done exactly the same, particularly since I inherited a significant amount recently following my Mum’s death. I love my DH, but if I were to dye before him, I’m not having any second marriage/relationship or his family, benefitting from what I and my parents worked hard for. That’s for my children.

I think it's sensible enough for the reasons others have said.

You should consider taking out an additional life insurance policy though.

i think it’s sensible.

if he dies first there’s a significant chance you may meet someone else and marry them, impacting the child’s inheritance.

You would get the house. To be honest, if you can’t afford to live if he died and you would no mortgage I would be looking at that situation now. What happens if you split up? You would get CMS but still have to pay living costs including rent or mortgage.

The sensible thing would be to start building up you own savings and/or assets.

He doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t want the legal tie. I am the same. But I am not expecting anyone to damage their earning potential to have children with me.

I think it's sensible. I've done the same and so has my husband. We will each have a house of our own but kids inherit everything else

Didn’t he discuss this with you before he did it? I think it could be very sensible for the reasons given by other posters. But in a good relationship I’d expect him to have discussed with you and explained his thinking.

I don’t think he’s completely unreasonable, he’s trying to ensure she receives something, but it is a bit upsetting when you feel like you aren’t trusted by your partner to make the best decision for your child in their absence or that they aren’t worried about how you will manage after they are gone.

I can understand the flat being bequeathed to your child as it's from family inheritance.

Why are savings in his name only? Are these not in a joint account? I'd expect savings and any pension/insurance policies etc to be left to you.

I have some of my estate going direct to our DC, but then all of my late mums estate went to my fathers, he remarried and DSM has the lot currently, I will benifit upon her death. I’m also happy/requested DH do the same.

Sensible. Second marriages can strip inheritance very quickly.

You could remarry and have more children.