Household income

[MolsIH]

Hi ladies
Hubby earns a lot more than me and said he’s not happy with financial set up
He earns £4800 a month and I’m £2200

Currently All money goes into joint account and we take £500 each (equal) as disposable / treat ya self income

i’ve always moved the remainder money around to pay bills, mortgage and savings etc

he came to me today and said he feels controlled and that instead he wants to be paid ‘quote’ ‘HIS’ money into his own bank account and he’ll decide how much goes in for bills.

I’m so upset by this. He earns significantly more than me and it shouldn’t be him vs me. I see it as our money and I’ve been moving / taking care of the bills as he’s always not been interested.

how do others manage their money? X

You need to talk to your husband and explain how by you working part time is saving money. If he wants you to earn more or have more spending money then he needs to understand the extra costs associated with you working full time

You need to talk to him. He’s told you that he’s not happy.

When I earnt less compared to my DP, he paid his 50% and I paid my 50% into a joint account. Even as the lower earner I was always 100% clear that I would pay my share. It left me with far less spending money but I couldn’t justify him paying more. It’s not the approach everyone takes, but if you can afford to split it equally in my eyes you should.

I’ll likely earn more than him soon (he’s a vet and I’m CS so earning potential is higher) and we’ll keep going with our 50% each. It works for us.

You and your DH need to find what works for you.

If you’re part time, go back full time, that way you will have more money too.

I think I'd like that idea. Just getting my spends and letting him take over all the headache of making sure everything is paid. Let him see for himself.

DH and I both pay our salaries into a joint account. That account covers all bills, running the home, holidays, savings (as they are also joint), cars, travel, gym memberships, petrol , eating out etc.

we transfer an identical amount to each of our personal accounts but as almost everything is a joint cost, our personal money doesn’t have to cover much.

We split our bills proportional to what we earn. I earn more than DH so I pay more towards the household bills. When I was PT he paid a higher proportion.

If you have children he is being utterly ridiculous. All the money is family money- end of! You will have lost out in career progression and pension contributions taking time off to care for your children. You are a team making sure everyone in the family gets their needs met. If you are a couple then , in my view everything is divided proportionally. He earns double so his contributions to all pots is double yours.

As you have kids this is totally fine, you can’t earn as well as you have child care commitments

can you have a once a week money meeting, we do this and agree what needs moving where.
you need a spreadsheet you can both access, love a spreadsheet as it shows everything.

Just seen your update. He is being a tight and selfish arse. Kick him back over the line. It's family money not HIS money! Twat!

Do what we do - proportional contribution to bills.

Say he earns 70% of the total, you earn 30%. Income goes into separate accounts. He contributes 70% of total bill cost (nursery, spending and everything else) you contribute 30%. All children expenses should come out of the shared pot.

You both keep whatever is left of your income in your own accounts.

If those earnings are your combined take home pay, where on earth is £6K of it going leaving you both with £1K disposable? I'm guessing he's not happy with where the £6K is being spent and what on, having been uninterested before, but perhaps has seen some statements and isn't happy? Apologies if I'm wrong.

If this was reversed and the only worked PT through choice she'd be called aa cocklodger.

My DH earns 75k to my 35k but we pool everything, have 750 a month each for personal spends and whatever is left over when bills are paid - no mortgage now as it’s gone - goes into joint savings and ISAs for our retirement. Despite the fact that he earns vastly more than I do - our money is OURS. Always has been - and with his entire agreement. There has never been his money and my money. We’re a partnership.

Now you've mentioned kids I do think it should be joint. Or proportional bills.

Im baffled your shared bills are so high that you only have £500 a month left each? I can see why he finds that hard. It sounds like you’re controlling that shared money and he doesn’t know where it goes - I can see his frustration. Perhaps you need to make a list of all shared bills so he can see where it goes, and if there’s room for you to both have more personal money? And if you are saving that needs to be mutually agreed and have goals in mind. We contribute 50/50 to a joint account and the rest is our personal money, my DH does end up with more personal money but he has a far higher responsibility job than me and has gone for promotions whereas my job is low stress and I log off 5pm, no interest in promotion - I’m happy with less money.

If you are married and have dcs, then legally it's joint money.

But if he's feeling controlled, then add up all the regular bills plus food. Use £1,200 of your salary and whatever is needed from his salary, to cover them.

Then that leaves you with £1,000 and him with whatever is left from his salary.

Any unexpected joint bills - you pay 30% and he pays 70%.

he’ll decide how much goes in for bills.

Obviously this is ridiculous. He can't unilaterally decide how much of the bills he pays (and by extension how much you pay, since you'll be paying whatever is left).

Fine to be paid into separate accounts, plenty of people do that. But how much each person contributes to the shared bills isn't an individual decision.

If my DH said that to me, I'd leave him.
There is no mine and yours in a marriage.

"If you are married and have dcs, then legally it's joint money."

That isn't the case. During marriage, partners can have their own income and possessions that they can do what they like with.

A husband or wife can spend as much or as little of their income as they choose on whatever they like. If one saved £2m and then decides to give it to charity they can.

If they divorce, such decisions could come under scrutiny for deprivation of assets (deliberately offloading assets to minimise what a spouse receives from the divorce). However, if it was done out of choice as to where they want their money to go, that is within the law.

Loving, meaningful and trusting relationships can be enjoyed with total and no combining of income, and many positions in between.

If you have any 'non negotiables', as many other posters do, this may prove tricky if your husband doesn't agree. Ideally, you can decide what is most important to you, find out the same from your husband and move forward from there.

I would say oh good, I'll do the same and start having my salary paid into my personal account and wait to see what he proposed about bill contributions from each of us. Remind him that if there's nothing in the joint account all the direct debit payments will bounce and trash both your credit ratings.

I can’t imagine getting my bonus from work and keeping it for myself. It gets paid into the joint account and benefits the family.

Big stuff is split proportional. So if we go on holiday, i pay 60% of the cost and he pays 40%.

Days out we pay for ourselves, it's each of our choices how much we save, or what we spend the money we have earnt each month.

The point is we are each adults and responsible for our own money.

So what would happen if he could afford to buy himself an ice cream and you couldn't? Would he go ahead and eat one in front of you?

No he'd probably buy 1 for everyone, just as i would. But again, its our choice how we spend our money, a lot of fhe time we choose to spend it on eachother when we're out, but we just prefer having it as our choice.

So would I !

We sit down as a couple and go through income, bills, savings goals etc when we want a refresh or for life events. E.g. I've just got a promotion so we will sit down and go through it all.

We have income go into our own accounts and contribute proportionally towards the joint costs. We do tend to decide most things are a joint cost. E.g. I have a car through work, whereas we pay for his car loan jointly, as otherwise it would seem unfair.

Maybe it's the openness he also wants to be included in? Go through each monthly bill, add up the total outgoings and come up with a plan together.