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Original poster

Friend would rather stay on Benefits

182 replies

Mavan1984 · 02/05/2024 23:03

Hi everyone

I have a friend who is in her early 40s. She has 5 kids, eldest being 17 and youngest being 4. No disabilities in the family.

Friends husband is on minimum wage and Works about 35 hours a week. Friend is SAHM and has never worked, they have always been topped up by CTC and WTC.

Friend has recently been transferred over to UC and said she is slightly worse off and she's been told that she needs to start looking for a job.

Friend told me she has no intention to get a job because she thinks she will be worse off- would this be the case? She also said she is very unlikely to get a job which will match her benefit payments.

I'm really annoyed with her attitude. She basically has no intention to work and would rather just claim. In her case what would the jobcentre do?

I love friend to bits but her laziness is really starting to get to me. Me and DH both work average salary jobs, we don't get any benefits apart from Child Benefit and there are times where I've really envied her life of leisure.

I'm not against anyone who works hard/has disabilities and claims but I really think it's unfair that people like her can choose to be a SAHM and expect to get money handed to her on a plate.

I'm not really sure why I am even posting this but I just needed to rant.

OP posts:

taleasoldashoney · 02/05/2024 23:05

And another one...

Hugosmaid · 02/05/2024 23:06

I get it.

TurtleMoon · 02/05/2024 23:06

Well that's lovely that she has no intention of finding a job. Doesn't mean she'll keep getting UC though.

PickAChew · 02/05/2024 23:08

Keep going. I almost have a full house.

Knitgoodwoman · 02/05/2024 23:10

You’ll get a hard time Op but I agree. Benefits should be for people who genuinely need it. The disabled in this country get fuck all, the money should go to them.
Not people who choose not to work.

Comedycook · 02/05/2024 23:10

So a family with children has a working father and a mum at home. Years ago this was a perfectly ordinary, non controversial situation. What's changed is wages haven't kept up with the cost of living. What annoys me more than your friends attitude is the fact that a full time working adult needs top up benefits in order to cope financially.

hopscotcher · 02/05/2024 23:11

Unless it's directly affecting you, could you take a step back and let her manage her own life? If she has 5 kids including a 4 year old she's probably not living a life of leisure, but even if she is...it's her business.

Happyinarcon · 02/05/2024 23:11

She has 5 kids who need a mother, her family need her more than a random employer right now. In an ideal world her husband would be earning enough to support a family which used to be common fifty years back.

Startrekkeruniverse · 02/05/2024 23:12

I agree. She needs to get off her arse and go to work (or stay at home but not get benefits for doing so).

Noicant · 02/05/2024 23:12

I think it’s very hard to get back into work after being out for a long time. Are you sure that she’s not just a bit scared of doing it?

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 02/05/2024 23:13

She won’t have to look for work until her youngest child turns 5 so she can enjoy her ‘life of leisure’ for a few more months.
You can’t say categorically that there are no disabilities in the family.
Also as a mother of 5 children I very much doubt she has this life of leisure you refer to.
I would focus on yourself and your own family instead of your friend and her finances.

Julen7 · 02/05/2024 23:14

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 02/05/2024 23:13

I think it’s aged 3 now for the youngest child

Deathbyfluffy · 02/05/2024 23:16

I agree - people shouldn’t be rewarded for bringing more children into an over-populated world.

If they can’t afford to support their family on one wage, she either needs to go back to work (and build a decent-paying career) or they should have had an amount of kids they can afford.

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 02/05/2024 23:18

Sorry I should have said full time work @Julen7 you are correct.

MortifiedStill · 02/05/2024 23:19

Number 6 will be along as soon as the eldest turns 18 and the benefits stop

headache · 02/05/2024 23:19

You’ll get absolutely slated OP, I also have a friend who only works 15 hours a week and has no intention of working more as her UC would be cut. She was boasting about getting free school meals, new carpets, clothing grants, food vouchers during covid £15 a day and during the school holidays, etc. Do you know what I thought well if that’s how you are fire in? You do you I’ll do me. I’ll show my children I’m out working paying my taxes and I’m ok with that. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten to the point I honestly cannot be bothered getting annoyed with what other people are doing/not doing

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 02/05/2024 23:22

I see what you are saying op, but I really don’t think it’s beneficial to children for both parents to be away from them for the majority of time.
However, I don’t believe in both parents being on benefits either.
I think if you work you should be better off, but how will having parents working such long hours affect a future generation of children? Wd have yet to see.
The bottom line is we have all fallen for lie that we should all be slugging our guts out and fir what? To die as soon as we retire.
In a nutshell if you go out to work you should be able to live comfortably and quite frankly that is often not the case.

Enough4me · 02/05/2024 23:22

Does she do all the school runs / DCs sick days & school holidays / housework / enable her DH to travel with work if required?

If yes, then fair enough while DCs in primary school. When youngest is 10-11 I would think working would be practical.

I say this and I've always worked, but I only have 2DCs and it's PT and I had help from my mum.

IntoTheMild · 02/05/2024 23:23

MortifiedStill · 02/05/2024 23:19

Number 6 will be along as soon as the eldest turns 18 and the benefits stop

You only get benefits for two children.

BathshebaEverdene1 · 02/05/2024 23:27

Oh seriously who cares?
Worry more about the country being run by venture capitalists and possibly being the most corrupt regime in the world.
Don't turn against friends about a few quid.

HellonHeels · 02/05/2024 23:29

You don't like her really, do you?

Five kids, 4 of them at school or college and one preschooler. That's not my idea of a life of leisure 🤣

Just mind your own business.

BathshebaEverdene1 · 02/05/2024 23:34

And you don't " love her to bits" (.how I dislike that silly trite expression) .
From.how you write about her I would guess that you really don't like her at all.

caringcarer · 02/05/2024 23:37

I have always thought there was a benefits cap of about £26k. I thought Osborne brought It in. It turns out if you have a child claiming DLA you are exempt. Even if the child is at school all day. You can claim as much as £3000 per month. I think this is all tax free money too.

Ubugly · 02/05/2024 23:38

I understand what people are saying about people should be able to survive on one income and sadly we can't but if every family had a SAhP would it work? So all single parents Stay home and everyone has a SAHP on benefits...

gertrudeteacake · 02/05/2024 23:39

BathshebaEverdene1 · 02/05/2024 23:27

Oh seriously who cares?
Worry more about the country being run by venture capitalists and possibly being the most corrupt regime in the world.
Don't turn against friends about a few quid.

Gosh I had no idea the UK was more corrupt than eg South Sudan. Every day's a school day.

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