Should my sons dad still pay towards upkeep for son whilst he is at local University and still living with me?

[Jaczacmum]

My Ex promised to keep paying maintenance for our son whilst he is at University. My son attends a local Uni and still lives with me.
Ex is now saying he is going to stop paying me when my son is 20 in a few month’s time, although he will still have over a year to go at Uni.
He doesn’t give my son any spending money or pay anything towards his Uni fees.
He states that because cost of living has gone up he needs to pay his girlfriend (who he lives with in her house) more money. So essentially taking the money from us to pay her, saying that I can afford to do without it.
He has never paid the amount of maintenance he should have for my son, paying only £100 per month for a few years, and then for the last 5, since meeting and moving in with his girlfriend has paid £160 per month.
I never took him to court over this as I didn’t want the hassle, but obviously he should have been paying far more.
Am I right to be annoyed that he is now saying he won’t pay anything towards our son’s upkeep?

I didn't get anything when my son went to uni but my ex did give our son money instead.

I think either your son has to get a student maintenance loan, if he hasn't already, and then give some to you. Or he has to get a part time job. Or you and your ex have to fund him between you.

No, I mean for going out clubbing, drinks, Starbucks, getting a late night Maccies, clothes etc. Stuff for actual uni, yeah.

Depends on the course. DD is only in face to face university 30% of the time. Easy to work a job, she's already been told what her likely timetable is.

Not whilst they are in education. The student finance is even calculated taking into account parent income as it is expected that parents help. God some people are tight arses. I'm assuming the tight ones didn't to uni.

DD is in Uni 3 days a week - almost identical 2 years running. Easy to work a bar job or shop work - plenty of weekend work available as well.

Can easy earn £100+ a week.

This! My exh stopped paying the month he could. We have 2 dc a year apart so both now at Uni and despite being on 100k plus he helps neither of them out, no wonder they barely speak to him.

DS has lectures every day, plus tutorials, plus practicals and group work. Plus all the self study he has to do. Only 1 lecture is online. Wouldn’t be impressed to f most of them were still online. Many are recorded but that isn’t the same as an interactive lecture.

We don’t expect him to work term time. And we don’t ask for keep in holidays. Any money earned in the holidays goes towards his costs in term time or any spends in the holidays

'Should' - well yes. a decent person would help put their child through uni if they were able. and even if they weren't able, they would try to find a way to help, because they want the best for their child.
But a decent person would have also paid the correct amount of maintenance prior to that. So you know its not going to happen, especially as he is not obliged to legally. I'm surprised he's actually managed to contribute something this far to be honest if your son is nearly 20.

I don't know what the OPs ds is doing but clearly your dd is not doing a STEM degree. 30-35 hours lesson/lectuees/lab time then all the worksheets, essays and home reading outside of this. There is realistically no time to work any meaningful hours and still get rest and a little leisure

True enough.

Also wrt part time work, there is very little part time work that has set hours each week. Mostly it's whatever shifts the employer requires you to work including days, nights and weekends in combination. That's not compatible with any kind of timetable.

As for him using his loan money to give to his mum - that would be a very poor use of debt - to finance family household expenses. And it is nonsense, when there is another adult working parent who is refusing to contribute.

@Jaczacmum pretty sure it used to be the rule that maintenance for a child remains in place till child has finished full time education (uni) but if a child took a gap year at the end of school before starting uni them maintenance order would lapse.

DH gives the money straight to DC now they’re adults at uni (living at home).

How DC and ex sort their costs out is between them. The money could be used towards rent; ex won’t take rent, but happily moans that her money is stopped.

It's really not Masters loan is not means tested.

OP is your ds (are you and your ex?) aware that his repayments will be exactly the same as they would be had he taken a maintenance loan? On that basis there was no need for your ex to continue to give you maintenance.

You are quoting a very unusual course there.
That absolutely is not 'the norm'.

Plus, overwhelmingly these days jobs are very flexible with hours once they find a good employee. A real bonus of zero hour contracts. If the student is living close enough to travel in to University for lectures, then they are close enough to a plethora of part time jobs in hospitality, leisure and retail.

the maximum loan doesn't cover these anywhere in the country

It does.
No, not everywhere, but there are places.

I never took him to court over this as I didn’t want the hassle, but obviously he should have been paying far more.

YWBVU. You didn't have to take him to court; all you had to do was contact CMS which is surely not a huge amount of "hassle" to ensure that you and your son got the child maintenance he was entitled to?!

The ship has sailed, you should have demanded the child maintenance while you were entitled to it, and I don't see why you're complaining about it now when you didn't do anything about it when you actually could have done.

It's a shame you decided not to take out the maintenance loan. Your son will pay the same monthly amount, whether he borrowed £10k or £40k.

Plus, overwhelmingly these days jobs are very flexible with hours once they find a good employee. A real bonus of zero hour contracts

They really really aren't. Flexible for the employer yes. But not for the employee.

Yeah, for four times as long. That is an economically illiterate way of covering family household expenses.

Would you ask your son to take on £30k worth of debt to cover your own household costs?

Well, I can only go on the experience of all the people I know who have worked in them.
My youngest is currently a student and picks up hours in 3 different places, as and when she wants. Yes, she 'gets' that obviously hospitality want to cover Fridays and Saturdays particularly , being their busier periods, and doesn't take the mick, but then, I doubt if any universities have lectures on Friday nights and Saturday nights.

Right.

So you're not working one yourself?

Same. I studied medicine.

I still worked. Most other medical students not from wealthy families did the same. Still a walk in the park compared to the medical training that followed.

Employers are flexible.
DD works for a large chain and picks up hours at home and near Uni, she also works at a small independent shop covering sickness and holidays - summer is popular for those, and she helps out at a local cafe when they have events.

It’s not difficult to find work.

I work for a large global company. We have about 7 Uni students who come back over the holidays. We also do interns for 10 weeks every summer.

There are also dedicated programs run for students for summer.

Universities themselves offer work. They have websites.

I know some help in the Uni bar, for food halls, I know others helping in the science labs.

He needs to look.