Should my sons dad still pay towards upkeep for son whilst he is at local University and still living with me?

[Jaczacmum]

My Ex promised to keep paying maintenance for our son whilst he is at University. My son attends a local Uni and still lives with me.
Ex is now saying he is going to stop paying me when my son is 20 in a few month’s time, although he will still have over a year to go at Uni.
He doesn’t give my son any spending money or pay anything towards his Uni fees.
He states that because cost of living has gone up he needs to pay his girlfriend (who he lives with in her house) more money. So essentially taking the money from us to pay her, saying that I can afford to do without it.
He has never paid the amount of maintenance he should have for my son, paying only £100 per month for a few years, and then for the last 5, since meeting and moving in with his girlfriend has paid £160 per month.
I never took him to court over this as I didn’t want the hassle, but obviously he should have been paying far more.
Am I right to be annoyed that he is now saying he won’t pay anything towards our son’s upkeep?

Course dependent. I couldn't as I had to do unpaid internships over the summer holiday. I guess I technically didn't 'have to' but I wouldn't have gotten on the scheme I did afterwards if I didn't.

I also had a high contact course, over 30 hours timetabled a week and on top of that needed to revise, write reports etc. I could be in 8am - 6pm.

Perhaps he kept paying past son's 18th because he was conscious that he hadn't paid much before, like a top up, but now feels two and a bit years on that he's corrected that earlier problem. Not saying it's right or wrong, but if he was a total dead beat, he'd have stopped paying at 18 on the nose. He might not be taking the piss if money is tight at this point.

Morally, he should be helping your son financially while he is in full-time education.

aside from recognizing he is not a great parent, there isn’t much you can do.

I doubt many parents on MN don’t like their children. I really like mine but they both had holiday jobs whilst at uni, and had pt jobs from 16. Still got decent grades and degrees and a very good work ethic.

Plenty of full time uni students support themselves with part time evening or weekend work. Tell your son at 20 he needs to do this.

Im sorry but he`s an adult now.
Its your choice to let him be rent free and pay for him i have a 20 year old that as to work.
His dad is dead but im sure he would agree with me when i say from the age of 18 its time to buck up.
And stop relying on mum and dad we have done our bit now you have to do yours and figure it out.
You dont get things for free.
Your a man now mum and day stop paying.

There is no obligation to pay maintenance for a uni student, further education up to age 20, ie college but uni dad can contribute direct to you son. If your son is at home and getting a loan he should be paying his way and be working at weekend and holidays.

Honestly, I think he’s a twat and the government try and have it both ways with uni students and parental income.

He's morally wrong, but unfortunately it's too late to do anything about it.

The level of the maintenance loan for uni presumes parents cover the shortfall, but CMS only covers to the end of “school” type Education. There is no logic.

You should have forced him to yo pay through CMS whilst your DD was under 18. Now you've lost your chance.

The government reduces his loan according to the amount that they expect the OP to contribute. She could choose not to, but she'd be in the wrong.

Tell that to the government, who set his finance according to the OP's income.

I think it is poor he is not giving your son something however all of ds uni friends work to supplement their loan so your ds should be doing this. There are very few courses that do not allow some work. Ds works a Saturday and then 5am until 10am on a Monday which fits around lectures. It is not loads of money but definitely helps out.

upkeep from both should stop once kids reach age 18 and go into the big world.

but if i could afford it i would help out when i could, but thats just to me being a nice parent but COULD also be enabling

Well, your ds is 20. Why isn't he
a) paying you keep out of his student loan, and
b) working for his spending money ?

I can see it is disappointing if you had been anticipating some money, but he is under no obligation to contribute, and sometimes circumstances change.

Students living with parents also get a smaller maintenance loan, again on the assumption that the parent is covering some costs.

You should’ve gone to court in the first place.

Not court, but the CMS.

however, the XH should have paid decent CM all along - his is far the greater fault

Only on MN do students not work, my own DD is at uni and the only students who have 'intensive' courses are medical/dentistry, the majority have 2/3 contact days at most, of course a 20yr old should be working weekends and holidays.

I mean… that just isn’t true.

A lot of students have part time jobs, some don’t. So there’s a cross section of those options on MN. And most posters on this thread ARE advocating he gets a job.

Yes, because they aren't paying commercial rent - the loan is there to cover their living costs though. 'Housekeeping' if you like, travel, personal toiletries etc.

He is a deadbeat! £100 a month for years! Pathetic. I hate to victim blame - but you should have pursued proper child support.

it’s discretionary now - and while yes morally this man should contribute toward the cost of his son’s university education he doesn’t have to.

he is an arse - and your son is old enough to understand this.

Such a low bar for dads.

Why is it mum who is expected to still house her DS, and dad gets away scot free?