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Original poster

Dh credit card - have I done a terrible thing?

72 replies

Zelamir · 10/03/2024 08:12

Hi,

dh and I use the same credit card account. It’s a card that is in dh’s name, but we both use it. I pay the credit card bill directly from my own account. I earn more than dh so I pay most of the bills (I’ve no issue with this arrangement).

we tend to use the card for things like holidays/ flights. I pay the minimum by direct debit but always try and pay extra to clear any balance in 3-4 months.

dh will sometimes use the card towards the end of the month when money is running short. I never question any of this and just pay the bill.

last week I needed to pay for a hen weekend that I’m going on. I paid my balance on the credit card with the view to clear the money using March/April payday. I never imagined that I’d need to tell dh about this or ask permission.

he’s been really shitty with me, telling me that I’m out of order and that it’s ‘his card’, which is true I suppose.

I’ll never use the card again and I’ve applied for my own card, however I’m hurt that he’d take such an approach given that I’ve always paid the bill. He has never paid anything towards the card and I’ve never questioned his spending on it.

an i right to feel a bit upset with him? I thought we were a team

OP posts:
JamesPringle · 10/03/2024 08:15

YANBU. The only reason he'd have to moan is if you usually you keep the use of the card under 20% of the limit, and that your holiday has meant you tip it over that. Keeping under 20% is beneficial to your credit score.

I'd totally get a new card and let him pay off his own debts.

Amammai · 10/03/2024 08:16

So it’s ‘his’ card only in name - financially you pay everything linked to it? He’s being out of order if this is the case. Was his reaction linked more to the fact he’s not keen on you going on the hen do?

latelydaydreams · 10/03/2024 08:16

If you always pay the bill, I think I’d not have expected an issue. In particular if he never pays for his own spending. It’s only ‘his’ card in name if that’s the case.

If we’re making a big individual spend we agree it in advance, more out of courtesy than expecting a big push back. Is it possible the issue is that you’re going away, rather than you used ‘his’ card to pay for it?

Bruisername · 10/03/2024 08:16

It’s good you have your own card. Why doesn’t he contribute to paying the card off?

DH and I have a card that is in my name that we use for family expenses and I put any big purchases on. He pays the bill (I pay for other stuff) so o always discuss so it doesn’t come as a surprise to him. However, if I paid the bill I wouldn’t tell him. We have fully joint finances though.

I assume he knew you were going on a hen do

Chasingsquirrels · 10/03/2024 08:16

It seems a bit odd, and out of character for him from the detail you've provided? Could something else be going on that's he is upset or worried about and it has come out over this?

Ideally you'd talk to him to resolve the issue and come to a mutual agreement.

Alternatively, you get your own card and have no further involvement with his - including paying it off (once you've cleared your current spends).

Iloveacurry · 10/03/2024 08:22

Get your own card. And leave him to pay off his own.

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 10/03/2024 08:22

It sounds like he's sot himself in the foot to me!

So he was spending on the card at the end of the month and you were paying it off for him?

Once you get your own card you should transfer any of the balance over that's yours and leave him to it with "his card"

Ilovelurchers · 10/03/2024 08:23

Given that you always pay the bill, including for his spending, it is absurd of him to question your spending on this card and indeed quite controlling.

I would expect that he actually has a problem with you going on the hen weekend, but is kicking off about the card because he realises that to say you couldn't go on the weekend away would make him look like a controlling jealous cunt.

Tangelablue · 10/03/2024 08:40

I hope you have cancelled the direct debit if you won't be using it any longer. Can I ask why you use a credit card instead of a debit card linked to your current account? Is it for the extra protection it offers on some purchases?

Alwaystransforming · 10/03/2024 08:43

Is he pissed off because it’s impacted him using the card?

WhizzWoman · 10/03/2024 08:52

That's strange behaviour of him. Is there other stuff going on?

Nevermindtheteacaps · 10/03/2024 08:58

JamesPringle · 10/03/2024 08:15

YANBU. The only reason he'd have to moan is if you usually you keep the use of the card under 20% of the limit, and that your holiday has meant you tip it over that. Keeping under 20% is beneficial to your credit score.

I'd totally get a new card and let him pay off his own debts.

Hi FIL! 😁

Wimpeyspread · 10/03/2024 09:01

Well if it’s ‘his’ card I hope you’ll stop paying it off!

Nevermindtheteacaps · 10/03/2024 09:01

What? So you pay the bill and he's complaining you're spending on it? And he's upset?

I'm not messing around, I'd go straight to A and E with this one, clearly a serious head injury m, there's no other explanation for this degree of stupidity.

Unless this is in character for him and he's generally thick as mince, then I'd worry less and just apply a cold compress

Pigeonqueen · 10/03/2024 09:05

Say that’s fine, he can pay his own card now.

MysweetAudrina · 10/03/2024 09:05

Sounds like me might be annoyed over you going to the hens and used this as a way of expressing it.

stcrispinsday · 10/03/2024 09:06

Great! Now that you know that, you can leave the paying of the bill to him.

HanaJane · 10/03/2024 09:11

If it's "his" card then let him sort out the bills from now on then!

SeasickAccountant · 10/03/2024 09:21

Hi OP, I've got a different take on this. Yes, you pay the card. But your DH may not want to spend on it for that very reason. It may be that he tries to use the card as little as possible, and you running up a bill on the card throws that out. So this may be consideration for you, rather than the opposite. Can you talk to him about it with an open mind?

Autienotnaughtie · 10/03/2024 09:24

I'd get your own card. He has his and pays his own card himself.

I hate cheapness especially given he's never complained about you paying for it

OneFrenchEgg · 10/03/2024 09:27

It sounds like there's an unspoken agreement and you've changed the terms (knowing it's fine but not telling him):

The card is used minimally with a low ish balance and always available to him when he runs out at month end

You've put a chunk on it

This increases debt in his name (no matter who pays for it) and decreases availability to him by more than usual

If you look at it that way it's not about right or wrong it's about reassurance and making changes (get your own card)

converseandjeans · 10/03/2024 09:34

Just leave him to pay off his own bill in future & see how he manages that? He obviously wants to be in charge so it's no longer your responsibility if he overspends.

SpringSprungALeak · 10/03/2024 09:40

WTAF??

stop paying all the bills & HIS card.

tell him why & that from now on you expect him to pay his way equally.

LaWench · 10/03/2024 09:40

Defo agree with everyone else. Balance transfer everything you owe on his card to your new card and let him know he has to set up the new DD on his card from his account as you've cancelled it.
You should be able to get some decent 0% offers.

SoEmbarrassed2024 · 10/03/2024 09:51

If you can't use the card because it's 'his' then I'd suggest he starts paying his own bloody bill.