Dh credit card - have I done a terrible thing?

[Zelamir]

Hi,

dh and I use the same credit card account. It’s a card that is in dh’s name, but we both use it. I pay the credit card bill directly from my own account. I earn more than dh so I pay most of the bills (I’ve no issue with this arrangement).

we tend to use the card for things like holidays/ flights. I pay the minimum by direct debit but always try and pay extra to clear any balance in 3-4 months.

dh will sometimes use the card towards the end of the month when money is running short. I never question any of this and just pay the bill.

last week I needed to pay for a hen weekend that I’m going on. I paid my balance on the credit card with the view to clear the money using March/April payday. I never imagined that I’d need to tell dh about this or ask permission.

he’s been really shitty with me, telling me that I’m out of order and that it’s ‘his card’, which is true I suppose.

I’ll never use the card again and I’ve applied for my own card, however I’m hurt that he’d take such an approach given that I’ve always paid the bill. He has never paid anything towards the card and I’ve never questioned his spending on it.

an i right to feel a bit upset with him? I thought we were a team

Agree with @LaWench if he's going to get stroppy about it

Yes in your shoes I'd be upset op. It's a bit rich him having a fit over ownership of the card when he clearly sees no such divide to money in the bank!

I would try to talk about this with him otherwise it's likely to fester.

I'd also want to unpick whether there's another reason he's upset. Does he not want you going on the hen? Is it money-related stress in general?

This. Just transfer anything that you put on the card and tell himas it's his card he can pay it all in future.

Stop paying the card off. Use your own card for your spends and manage it yourself. What a prick.

Why are you posting off his credit card? He's being massively U. I'd let him pay off his own card in future. Cheeky twat.

I think you should check before putting something sizeable onto someone else's card - it's their name on the debt if it doesn't get paid after all.

If it’s his card it’s his bill from now on. Problem solved for dh in terms of you not using it, although I’m not sure how happy he’ll be now.

Why is he not contributing towards the repayment of the credit card?

*paying off

Is he usually this lacking in intelligence?

Actually OP wouldn't be able to transfer balance as the card is not in her name.

Still @Zelamir, your mission for today is to research credit cards and open one in your name!

Get your own card and maybe step back and think about your relationship. Are there other areas you don't communicate together on?
And failing all else leave him. Only joking.

He sounds as thick as pigshit. Does he not realise what a good thing he was onto with you paying off all the balance every month, no matter who incurred it, no questions asked? All that competent servicing of debt in his name will have massively boosted his credit status.

Well he's got his wish now. "His card" is now solely "his debt" to service. See how he likes them apples! If he spends anything on it for family/joint benefit he'll have to come and ask you for a contribution. I've a feeling he will like that even less but tough luck and too late.

Having your own credit card in your own name is much better and will boost your own credit score and quite right too.

If you pay all the bills and then cover his shortfall at the end of the month AND he then complains you’ve used the very card you pay for - the only question here is What the hell does he spend his money on?

Always keep your bank accounts and credit cards separate - you shouldn't have your spending policed. Where there's an income disparity this can be managed by the way you split your bills and/or setting up a transfer of funds to the lower earner's account. If you feel you must have a joint account keep this for specific purposes only, e.g. joint holidays and leisure, and be clear about what it is to be used for and how it will be funded.

Sounds like he's got the hump over you going away and using it for an expense that is purely yours rather than a household/ family expense. I honestly can't see the problem when you pay the bill anyway !

Perfect. You get your own card and he pays his own bills. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. He is now stuck with paying his own bills. Which he obviously should have been doing all along.

Please don't let him tell you he now ways to use your card because you used to use his. YOU PAID THE BILLS. Is he really the best you can do OP?

If it is 'his' card he'll not need you paying it. I wouldn't use it again and wouldn't pay it again which is a pity as I prefer a sharing attitude in marriage. He clearly doesn't feel this way so leave him to it.

Do you normally pay bills jointly
then something like this would come out of your individual personal free money

Well if it’s “his” card then it’s “his” bill isn’t it!

If he’d said “I was planning to use this to pay xyz this month and because you’ve used it I can’t” or “please can we discuss how we use this card” then that would be entirely different. Having a strop = being taken at his word!

YNBU to put the hen do costs on the card, especially if it’s for travel / hotel, where you may need some security in case of a company going bankrupt. If you always clear the balance, he is being massively unreasonable! I would transfer the debt to your new card when you get it and then let him know what he owes you for his debts that you’ve been kindly paying off for the last many months. Going forward let him deal with his own payments as he is an ungrateful *!

I promise I'm not evil but it did make me laugh a bit that his temper tantrum has backfired. Give him the money for the hen night (how much was it?) and enjoy your new man free cc.

Get your own card and tell the fucker to pay his own bills going forward. I would suggest a talk going forward about how finances are going to be organised in future and that he is now responsible for his own bills and you won't be paying for him anymore.

Well he has been a bit silly, you get your own card and tell him he is responsible for his and you are responsible for yours and you have cancelled the direct debit from your account so he will have to pay.

He’s sore / jealous you’re going away without him. Of course he’s being unreasonable, so hope he enjoys paying the bill in future.