Friends stole money from me

[MeganBoo]

I’m really not sure what to do and the situation is making my depression worse. I’m 23, I have a friend two years younger then me, been friends just under a year, we’ve only met once but we talk every day we both have children similar ages and we seemed to get along a lot and have lots in common. At the end of last year this friend wanted to use klarna to buy a new bed in the Black Friday sales but she said hers dosent work as she owes klarna money so they’ve stopped her using her account (I believed and still believe this is true as I previously owed klarna money and they stopped me accessing my account) she asked if I could use my klarna account to order the bed for her and then she’d pay me the money when the instalments are due once a month for 3 months. The bed cost £500 me being gullible, stupid and too nice I agreed and ordered it on my account she sent me the first instalment straight away of around £170 but I told her it’s not due yet so I sent it back to her and told her to give it to me when it’s due (which would be once the beds delivered) the bed was delivered Friday and klarna tried to take the first instalment out my account (Im a single mum and don’t work due to mental health) I didn’t have the funds for it I contacted the friend and told her she said the beds a different colour to the pictures and she’s gonna return it and that people would come Wednesday 10th to collect the bed so I thought ok once the beds returned on Wednesday klarna will process it and stop asking for money but I’m now getting suspicious as this friend has now blocked me on two of her social media accounts she’s kept me on our main socials but hasn’t replied since Friday it’s raising red flags I’m now getting anxious that the bed won’t be returned tomorrow and she’s trying to scam me I know stupid of me to do it in the first place. It hurts as we’re both Muslim that’s what we bonded on and as a Muslim it’s sinful to do something like this I never thought she’d try to scam me I still don’t want to think it’s a possibility I’m too naive and nice, it’s the fact she’s blocked me on certain socials and isn’t responding that’s now getting me worried I can’t afford to pay £500 for a bed that’s not even mine I have her address but don’t want to show up at hers and cause a scene I’m really stuck I’m gonna wait till tomorrow and see if it’s returned or was thinking to contact the company and see if there’s a return in process please no hate as I’m already hating on myself a lot and feel so depressed I don’t have friends and this was the only person I considered as a friend she works part time so she has a bit of money coming in where as I don’t so there’s no way I can afford this and I don’t want to pay for something that’s for her I’m really stuck and feeling hopeless.

There’s a reason there’s a process for it OP yes.

No one has the power to lodge criminal charges against someone. It's the CPS who bring about criminal cases, once given evidence by police.
This is very much a civil matter. Though would it be the best for OP given the anxiety she suffers day to day...I don't know but that's up to her to weigh up and decide.

Honestly I would have tried to save yourself this headache and go for the letter through the letter box tactic I mentioned upthread first. It was worth a try, but yes given you're going the court route you do need to complete the first official step now.
It will be a long wait before you recover the money (if ever) by chasing through small claims, it is always worth trying to squeeze her for the money back or return the bed first.

I would arrange for the bed to be returned at a time you think she's highly likely to be home. I would hang around outside her house at that time and then when she opens the door to the delivery people just walk in and show them to the bedroom, ignoring her. You need to be confident with this and have ID on you to prove the bed was ordered by you.

I'd also be willing to shame her - message everyone in her friends list, let her know you'll be telling her mosque, her employers, literally everyone. People do respond to public shaming.

Klana is unregulated credit. It isn't reported on credit files. So at least there's one silver lining.

Exactly this.

Court is supposed to be an absolute last resort when all else fails.

Even a quick google would have shown this advice on CAB website: “This is called a 'letter before claim' or a 'letter before action'.
You'll need to do this even if you've already written to them to complain. If the letter before claim doesn't resolve the problem, you can start your small claim by filling in a form”.

It’s a court. You have to go through the hoops before you even get through the door.

Can you work out who her relatives are from her social media. You could try and see who else she lives with using 192.com. Do you know where she works? Is there any mention of her on the company website?

Have you ever FaceTimed her? Do you know what she looks like?

I think you should tell your family. You have done something really stupid (sorry!) but it usually feels better if you can talk about it with people who care about you.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound that nice. I hope you aren't putting up with a crap boyfriend.

I would report it to the police. She has stolen the bed from you. Use 101 and report it online.

Somebody will correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe if she does not turn up to small claims court, it will automatically be found in your favour.

Although actually getting the money from her is another issue...but either way, it will not be pleasant for her and there will be repercussions.

I mean this kindly OP, you sound vulnerable. As a lonely single mum with mental health problems you may be more likely to not have healthy boundaries and when you're wanting friends it's harder to keep boundaries in place and explain away red flags because you want to keep the friend. I'm not saying this to be judgey but because I've been there. I'm autistic and massively struggled with friends and I still struggle a lot in my 40s with knowing when someone is genuine or not.

You're not only vulnerable to being taken advantage of by fake friends but also men. There's certain types of men who go for vulnerable single mums and I just wanted to check how well you actually know your boyfriend? If you've missed so many red flags in this friend are you sure you haven't missed any in your boyfriend. I'm not asking these questions to be judgmental and don't answer me if you don't want to but How did you meet him?

I've got a friend who made some terrible friend and relationship choices when her mental health was really bad and she was incredibly vulnerable, she planned to move her and her daughter in with a man she didn't really know at all. She didn't have childcare so her first date with this man was in her home while her child was upstairs playing. So dangerous.

She met him online, spoke for months without meeting and genuinely thought she was his girlfriend because he told her she was. She couldn't see the red flags with her having a strange man in her home. She didn't see any harm with introducing her child to man she had only met once herself. All their "dates" were him visiting her at home when her child was in bed, they could have sex and then he'd leave. They would have sex and he'd leave either the same evening or go home.

I know I don't know you and maybe your boyfriend is amazing and nice, all I'm saying is to be careful you aren't doing the similar mistakes. Best of luck.

This news by Klarna was reported on 4 May 2022

"Today we have an important update about changes to our BNPL products in the UK. Klarna will begin sharing Buy Now Pay Later purchases made in the UK with the credit reference agencies (CRAs) Experian and TransUnion. This means purchases you make using Klarna Pay in 30, Pay in 3, and in-app shopping will become visible on your credit files held by Experian and TransUnion. Consumers like yourself will no longer need to depend on using high interest credit cards to build a positive credit profile!"

https://www.klarna.com/uk/blog/all-you-need-to-know-about-klarna-reporting-bnpl-payments-to-credit-reference-agencies/

@ChronicallyConfused

Thank you for the support and opening up about your own experience regarding making friends, your paragraph about boundaries and how people can over step those boundaries in order to try and keep their friends was really relatable for me and made a lot of sense. I do have massive problems with my boundaries I think it’s also because my self esteem is very low.

I get exactly what you mean regarding being taken advantage of by men, I know a lot of single mums who have no support tend to bring guys round their house on the first date as they’re unable to go out anywhere and it tends to be when their child’s asleep as they don’t want to introduce their child to the man so early on…the “date” normally leads to sex as it’s at a home environment and guys do use it to their advantage I’ve had guys message me before when I was dating and as soon as they knew I was a single mum they’d ask if I had my own place and when I said yes they’d say they could come round but I never let them although I’m naive I knew these guys that wanted to come round so eagerly only wanted one thing and I’d never have different guys coming in and out of my daughters life.

My boyfriend is different, bit awkward how we met but one of my boyfriends good friends is my ex…me and my boyfriend met when I use to date his friend (my now boyfriend would hang around with us sometimes) we had an instant connection I got along more with him then my ex. Although my boyfriend may have his flaws and we may not have the perfect relationship he’s nothing like these men that take advantage of single mums.

This is correct. If the defendant doesn't appear, judgment is entered against them by default.

However, it is possible for the defendant to have the judgment "set aside" at a later time, but only under very particular circumstances.

Did he make a move on you while you were still in a relationship with his friend? That's not a thing that nice, respectful men do. In any case, he's been horrible to you over this and is clearly not an understanding, supportive partner. I get that you feel lonely, but he's not the solution. Are there any young mum support groups you can join?

@Agapornis

No my boyfriend didn’t make a move on me while I was dating his friend…we both knew we liked each other but obviously couldn’t show it due to me dating his friend, we got along from the start it was never awkward we always had loads to talk about we just clicked but we didn’t get into a relationship till a year after me and his friend had broken up…I contacted my ex (my boyfriends friend) and managed to get my boyfriends contact details off him.

But I agree and do admit he’s not been supportive about it, I mentioned it once to him and don’t feel like I can mention it again due to the way he reacted about it don’t feel like I can tell my family either that’s why I turned to here. There’s no groups specifically for ‘young mums’ around here, there are toddler groups etc which I use to attend but all the mums were a lot older which dosent stop us from being friends but they never tried talking to me and have complete different lifestyles to me as they’re married, own their own house etc. Going to those groups made me feel more isolated.

Fair enough. I can understand why toddler groups with a mix of ages don't appeal - for similar reasons I don't like those groups, either. Is there a Home Start near you? They can give general support to parents, but some of their branches have a specific project to help young mums get more confident and feel less lonely. They're worth contacting even if there isn't one right near you.
https://www.home-start.org.uk/supporting-young-mothers

Why can't you tell your family though?