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Original poster

Am I being unfair?

59 replies

Limincello · 04/01/2024 08:13

Hi

12 months ago dh’s brother and his wife were having financial issues. We agreed to lend them 4K on the agreement that they paid back £200 per months, for 20 months,interest free . We put something in writing etc.we’re not wealthy and this was a fair chunk of our savings.

They have made every payment on time so I can’t fault them for that, however I just found out that they are going away tomorrow on a city break to go Prague.

I feel a bit miffed that they’re doing this When they still owe us money, dh says it’s not our business as they’re paying us back, but I think it’s a piss take

AIBU?

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 04/01/2024 08:15

They are paying you back, what more do you want?

It's a city break in January, are they only allowed to sit at home until you have all your money?

TheFlis · 04/01/2024 08:17

I would probably feel a bit miffed but given they have stuck to your agreement I don’t think you can say anything. Maybe it’s their Christmas gift to each other?

Lightshows · 04/01/2024 08:17

YABU
They are paying it back under the agreed terms.
Don’t lend money if you think you then have the right to dictate what those you lent to spend their money on.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 04/01/2024 08:21

I can see both sides.

You, understandably, would prefer that they prioritise repaying the loan to you. However, you agreed a payment plan that they are sticking to. They have found the money for a cheap city break whilst maintaining their obligations to you.

There is nothing wrong with that.

Fairymother · 04/01/2024 08:23

If they borrowed 4k and pay back 200 per month it will take them over a year and a half to pay that back. Are they not supposed to do anything in that time at all?
I think if you agreed to 200/month, then you have no reason to be upset.

Auntieobem · 04/01/2024 08:24

Yabu. As pps have said, they are paying you back as agreed.

RedHelenB · 04/01/2024 08:24

Yabu.

BigFatCat2024 · 04/01/2024 08:43

You are being massively unfair, you made an agreement and they are sticking to it. What they do outside of that agreement is none of your business

LtdEdition01 · 04/01/2024 08:45

Yes they are paying the op back as agreed but op is losing out on interest as it was a loan from savings. I would be miffed too!
I would feel like saying pay off your debts then go on your city breaks and holidays.

Doggymummar · 04/01/2024 08:46

Yabu. You helped them into a better financial position, they're paying you back. A weekend in Prague could be under £200 which is great value. We did 5;days in November for £270 in a five star hotel. Cut them some slack.

PickledPurplePickle · 04/01/2024 08:47

You are being unreasonable - you agreed a payment plan, they are sticking to it.

Unless the agreement said if they had any extra they needed to pay it off quicker, in which case that's a different scenario

Don't begrudge them a little holiday, it's not like it's a Caribbean cruise

YireosDodeAver · 04/01/2024 08:48

Yabu. They are paying you back on the agreed terms. Being in debt isn't a crime that has to be punished by never having anything nice unril you aren't in debt any more. If their holiday causes them to miss a payment or come back asking for a further loan then ywnbu but if they are sticking to their commitments and managing to scrape a little extra aside for a cheap citybreak then that shows they are managing their finances well and should be congratulated.

shivawn · 04/01/2024 08:50

YABU. They're doing what you asked. A city break to Prague in the middle of January is generally a cheap holiday so I wouldn't begrudge them for it.

JingleSnowmanTree · 04/01/2024 09:17

I'm sitting on the fence, I understand you feeling if they have spare money it should be repaid to you, but I can also understand them feeling they're repaying you as agreed, so if they can scrape together enough for a short break to Prague why shouldn't they go?

for me, in their position, it probably would have depended on who I'd borrowed it from. From my Dad he'd have been happy not to have every penny I had, my brother, (I wouldn't have borrowed money from my brother but if I had), he'd have wanted the money back faster than I agreed if I had a fiver over essential bills.

me, if there was an agreement in place to repay it & they were sticking to it, I wouldn't mind small things like this, but I'd be pissed iff if it was a long haul holiday, even though there's no real difference in principle.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 04/01/2024 09:20

There’s an episode of Frasier that covers this exact problem …

AlisonDonut · 04/01/2024 09:22

If I owed family money, they would be paid off before I went on holiday yes.

However I've never borrowed money off anyone I know, apart from the odd £5 if I forgot my wallet and needed some fuel to get home. Which was paid back the next time I saw them.

Watchthedoormat · 04/01/2024 09:26

Yabu.
Were they allowed to buy Xmas gifts or any treats over Xmas?
Are they allowed to replace any clothing?
I hope you are okay with them having the heating on .

justanothermanicmonday1 · 04/01/2024 09:27

Lightshows · 04/01/2024 08:17

YABU
They are paying it back under the agreed terms.
Don’t lend money if you think you then have the right to dictate what those you lent to spend their money on.

Agree with this.

None of your business if the agreement is being stuck too.

pavillion1 · 04/01/2024 09:30

Watchthedoormat · 04/01/2024 09:26

Yabu.
Were they allowed to buy Xmas gifts or any treats over Xmas?
Are they allowed to replace any clothing?
I hope you are okay with them having the heating on .

this

Catsknowbest · 04/01/2024 09:32

Yabu. You made an agreement which they have adhered to. You would only be within your rights to be annoyed if they were going away and weren't paying you back as agreed. They are obviously managing their budget within which is your agreed repayment. If you get into this kind of mindset what would be next? They've bought a new appliance, or something else and shouldn't because they owe you money..it'll get ridiculous. A city break to Prague is not expensive either, my step daughter has been a few times on very cheap deals. Maybe they need a break like most people often do.

Stickycurrantbun · 04/01/2024 09:37

I seem to be going against the majority here but YANBU. You did them a massive favour and if I were them, I'd prioritise paying you the money back quicker over booking a trip away. Holidays are not essential. I'd be miffed too.

inloveandmarried · 04/01/2024 09:51

They have met the terms of your agreement and not failed making payments.

They probably need a break.

If they had defaulted and spent it on a holiday I could see your point, but no, they are not being unreasonable.

Catsknowbest · 04/01/2024 09:55

Stickycurrantbun · 04/01/2024 09:37

I seem to be going against the majority here but YANBU. You did them a massive favour and if I were them, I'd prioritise paying you the money back quicker over booking a trip away. Holidays are not essential. I'd be miffed too.

Herein lies the problem "You did them a massive favour" Does that mean they can't make any financial decisions until they've repaid the OP? Yes she did kindly help them out, they also reached a grown up agreement with set monthly payments. So what should they have done? Rung her up and said we were going away on a cheap break but because it cost may be as much as one months repayment to you, we are giving you the money instead...

Stickycurrantbun · 04/01/2024 10:06

I understand it's a cheap break, which mitigates somewhat. And they've kept to their promise of paying back £200 per month. I just don't agree that a holiday is a normal financial spend like clothes, heating, Christmas (as others have suggested). Holidays are a luxury. Personally, I'd go without luxuries until I'd paid the money back. Op has had to make a sacrifice too. It's not like it's a bank loan or something. This is why lending people money gets complicated.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 04/01/2024 10:07

YABU. Take the principle further and ask yourself just how much of their life you feel entitled to police/judge because you've loaned them money? Are they allowed a day trip in the UK? What about a meal out? Can they shop in Tesco or is it Lidl/Aldi only?

You agreed to loan them the money and they are paying it back under the terms you agreed. That should be the end of it. If you continue to judge everything they do, and everything they spend money on, you run the risk of spoiling your relationship with them and possibly your husband as well.