Partner moving in temporarily- how to manage the £?

[Toadsnotfrogs]

A change in his living arrangements has meant that he will be staying with me for the best part of 6 months. He’s having some major building work done, the house will be uninhabitable and he lives 90 mins away, but he also works away a lot too so he won’t be here 100% of the time.

How do we best manage expenses and money etc? His income is peaks and troughs but it is solidly double mine. Plus if he wasn’t here he would have to rent somewhere.

I own my house solely and have my 3 kids and the dog here too. And his doggy comes with him, whom I will be minding when he’s away.

I had no plans whatsoever to live with him or anyone frankly, until my children were older (all KS3 at the moment.) and we are both clear that this is a temporary thing.

All advice and ideas are very welcome.

I would make sure all additional expenses are covered, ie he contributes towards bills and food. So it doesn't cost you anything extra. I wouldn't charge a partner rent for staying temporarily.

I think in those circumstances it definitely shouldn't cost you having him stay with you but also you shouldn't be profiting from him staying with you - obviously not an exact science.

So I would say a proportion of the food shop (which presumably includes dog food) and a proportion of the bills - initially thought 50% but not sure how much kids eat!

I wouldn't charge anyone in that scenario. Hopefully he's decent enough to buy the food shop frequently, and otherwise make gestures of gratitude.

Ok. I’m feeling a bit put-upon. He has loads of stuff. Tons. And I know how these things can extend past deadlines. I want to start as I mean to go on.

Then just charge the extra it costs for him to live there so you aren’t out of pocket, and get him to use the extra money to put his belongings in storage. Who normally takes care of the dog when he works away?

Did he ask, you offer, or he assumed?

You can say no you know.... you have agency of your life.

Honestly, I wouldn't let it happen. He is already annoying you with his piles of stuff (why not put most of it in storage?). He doesn't sound like he will try to fit in with you, it will be more a case of him imposing his choices on the household.

Six months is quite a long time for a temporary arrangement. It's long enough to get properly used to a new set of arrangements, and then feel disconcerted when it all changes again.

That's assuming he doesn't get used to having free pet care, more available sex and the comfort of a home he doesn't have to maintain. If you never intend to live together long term, then don't do this. It will cause a huge row and might mean then end of your relationship, but I would give serious thought to telling him that you have changed your mind.

I wouldn't do it at all tbh. Why can't he rent? Put your kids first

I don’t know how I’d work that out - the mortgage and bills stay the same pretty much. Grocery will go up. Think that’s it.

I generally have the dog when he’s away.

Don't let him bring loads of stuff to yours. It'll never leave.

Suitcase, dog and laptop are all that should cross the threshold.

If you were both comfortably off I wouldn't charge. Given that he earns 2x your salary and you have 3 kids I absolutely would. Yes he should pay his share of bills, but he should also pay rent. You're providing shelter, storage and doggy daycare. You should benefit as well. Have a discussion

I offered.

Noted. I have acquired some posh furniture he didn’t want putting into storage so that’s ok. Rest is clothes and tools.

in what way is this not “putting my kids first”??

He already does the maintenance here.😁

He has to fit in. And I’ve been very clear he’s here as my guest, not as a parental role at all. And that the kids’ feelings trump his as it’s their home.

Sorry ... is this something they want and have requested?
Or is having someone live with you all for six months and bring their stuff into the house a regular part of your life?
If you often have lodgers then fair enough. Just charge what you normally charge

My do cane to stay with me and my 2 dc during Covid as he was between properties.
he didn’t have loads of stuff (just a few bigger things that my parents stored in their garage) but he sent me money towards shopping and bills every month. Can’t remember how much but enough to cover his share.

50:50 on all costs including heat, power, water, council tax.

If he moves in temporarily, you will lose your 25% single person's discount, so he needs to pay half.

And then half of every shopping bill. If he asks you to buy extra because he eats twice as much as you, don't be shy of charging him 2/3.

Then he just pays a decent share towards groceries then? You’ve already said you offered, he’s a guest, it’s temporary, he’s bottom of the pile basically and he won’t be there all the time. And it’s someone you are in a relationship with, not sure why you want to profit from it. If you feel put upon why offer?

I don't agree that he shouldn't pay rent. I would be wary of whatever he pays potentially giving him a stake in the house for example but otherwise you should both benefit equally from the arrangements. Calculate what extra it will cost you to house him e.g. 50% of your current food bills (men tend to eat more) water. Powers, Internet, TV, council tax. This number is the MINIMUM as in this takes you to zero. Then add an additional amount on top maybe 50%of the amount he is saving by moving in. He shouldn't be profiting off you taking him in.

Why should he be paying for her kids to use electric and eat though when he’s just a guest, not in a parental role etc?

my partner is living with me and my kids temporarily too (for a lot less than 6 months) and he is paying me something on top of a share of bills- so now we are both profiting from him not being in his house! I don't understand why you wouldn't charge him for staying with you (of course taking advice on how he won't get any rights over your house). it kind of takes the sting off it a bit tbh. Mine is also paying for a cleaner for us all!

And my dp has put most of his stuff into storage - he has hardly brought anything! (he has only been here a day so far, but he's not being too annoying yet)

Why not? The alternative is he goes AirBnB or a long term holiday let. Where would he put his stuff then?

50:50 minimum I say! I am going to stay with partner for three months while my house is being sorted. I straight away offered half of everything. He doesn't want anything, but that's beside the point. I will make it up to him with a break away or something like that.

It is so convenient to be able to stay with someone you know. My stuff will be in storage, I will just bring my laptop, and what I would bring if going on holiday, clothes, toiletries etc.

Does he have 3 teenagers living there too?