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Original poster

Parents say it’s none of my business- WDYT

58 replies

Reva41 · 06/05/2023 11:36

Hi

my parents are early/mid 70’s. I’m 42 and my sister is 39. We all get on well.

ive just found out that my parents have been helping my sister out financially. She got into a real financial mess and was at a low point. They transferred some of the debt into their name using credit cards and a loan. My sister pays these bills via direct debit from her account so she is paying it. It just made it more manageable for her.

I only just found this out. I understand them wanting to help but I can’t help but feel that it’s Taking advantage of them.

I told my dad my views and he was cross with me, telling me it’s none of my business and that they are happy to help her. Apparently they’ve even discussed what would happen if anything happened to them- the existing debt would be paid and my sisters share of any inheritance reduced. Sister is very upset that I’m annoyed.

AIBU and is dad right that it’s not my business?

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 06/05/2023 11:40

nothing to do with you

Peridot1 · 06/05/2023 11:40

I think you are being unreasonable. We had a similar situation in my family. My parents paid some debts off for one of my sisters and her portion of the estate was reduced by that amount. Dad had put it into his will.

Wishitsnows · 06/05/2023 11:41

Nothing to do with you

Hintofreality · 06/05/2023 11:41

It’s between your parents and your sister, nothing to do with you at all.

Ilikewinter · 06/05/2023 11:42

Its none of your business

KateyCuckoo · 06/05/2023 11:43

Sounds like a reverse, you can tell by the sympathetic language about the sister.

Saffronn · 06/05/2023 11:43

Absolutely nothing to do with you.

If they would refuse to give you similar help you would be right to be miffed, but being cross just that they’re helping her is quite unkind.

Original poster
Reva41 · 06/05/2023 11:46

KateyCuckoo · 06/05/2023 11:43

Sounds like a reverse, you can tell by the sympathetic language about the sister.

100% not a reverse. I am sympathetic but I also love my parents

OP posts:
MoreHairyThanScary · 06/05/2023 11:46

How is this disadvantaging you, your parents are using their better credit history to help your sister out of a hole, she is paying the debt, and your parents have laid out their plans should anything happen to them.

I'm not seeing the problem?

PinkPlantCase · 06/05/2023 11:48

It would be different if your parents didn’t have the money to help. But it sounds like they do.

I don’t think it’s any of your business. It’s your parents money at the end of the day. Wouldn’t you want to help out one of your DC if they got into trouble and you could do something to help.

You especially shouldn’t be bothered by it given it’s going to be taken account of in the will. I don’t see how this disadvantages you in anyway.

Other than now they might think less of your for making a fuss about it.

QuickGuide · 06/05/2023 11:51

Absolutely none of your business if they want to help a child who's struggling.

At various times my parents have helped me and DSis, according to need at the time. Mostly my sister, but currently they're helping my DS who's had a terrible time since his father's death.

In the past I've just been grateful that I didn't need the help.

They're very equal in their care of us, but that manifests in different ways according to need and situation.

primoseyellow · 06/05/2023 11:53

I think your dad is right, your sister is still paying the debt right? If she was repeatedly spending on crap/gambling and expecting your parents to bail her out that would be taking advantage.

But she has messed up and is angry that you know because she is probably embarrassed about it.
Your parents finances are completely their own business.

I have 3 sisters and if I found this out my honest reaction would be oh ok. And I wouldn't think about again. I would never ever say anything to my parents about their finances unless directly asked.

Or if I thought they were getting scammed.

FictionalCharacter · 06/05/2023 11:54

Yabvu. They are good parents helping their daughter, and it's not affecting you.

mynameiscalypso · 06/05/2023 11:55

Can your parents afford it? If so, no big deal. My parents are mid 70s are more than capable of making their own decisions about what to do with their money. I hate this trend of treating people who are still relatively young and competent like they're idiots.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 06/05/2023 11:57

It's none of your business so don't make it so.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/05/2023 11:59

It really isn't your business, I have no idea why you think it would be tbh.

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/05/2023 11:59

That actually sounds a fair and sensible arrangement not like she is taking advantage of them.

titchy · 06/05/2023 12:02

Why don't you get yourself into a miserable debt-ridden position so your parents can help you out too. Then all would be equal.

TheApplianceofScience · 06/05/2023 12:04

Absolutely nothing to do with you.

Take your beak out and apologise to your sister.

LunaMay · 06/05/2023 12:10

Why did you feel it was your place to tell your dad your views? It's absolutely nothing to do with you.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 06/05/2023 12:10

Remove your sticky beak. NODODY is diddling you out of money, your sister is paying your parents back, her inheritance will be adjusted accordingly. Lets hope you never fall on bad times eh?

Peachy2005 · 06/05/2023 12:14

It depends whether your sister has always been getting herself into financial difficulties and expecting bailouts…in that case, they would be enabling her to continue being a waster. But it doesn’t sound like this is the case - so now that you’ve established that nobody’s being taken advantage of, it’s really their business.

Floralnomad · 06/05/2023 12:16

It’s not your business .

Odile13 · 06/05/2023 12:17

It’s completely up to your parents.

It sounds like they know what they’re doing.

GOW56 · 06/05/2023 12:18

I agree with your Dad it isn't your business. Of course your parents would want to help your sister if they are able to.
What worries you? It sounds as though they have thought it through carefully. And she is paying them back.