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Original poster

Parents say it’s none of my business- WDYT

58 replies

Reva41 · 06/05/2023 11:36

Hi

my parents are early/mid 70’s. I’m 42 and my sister is 39. We all get on well.

ive just found out that my parents have been helping my sister out financially. She got into a real financial mess and was at a low point. They transferred some of the debt into their name using credit cards and a loan. My sister pays these bills via direct debit from her account so she is paying it. It just made it more manageable for her.

I only just found this out. I understand them wanting to help but I can’t help but feel that it’s Taking advantage of them.

I told my dad my views and he was cross with me, telling me it’s none of my business and that they are happy to help her. Apparently they’ve even discussed what would happen if anything happened to them- the existing debt would be paid and my sisters share of any inheritance reduced. Sister is very upset that I’m annoyed.

AIBU and is dad right that it’s not my business?

OP posts:
moose62 · 06/05/2023 12:21

Many, many years ago my father paid for a new car engine that I needed but couldn't afford on his credit card and I paid it back. Neither of my sisters said a word as it was nothing to do with them - just my father making my life easier.
Would you rather see your sister struggle?

Ivebeenframed · 06/05/2023 12:22

She's paying, so isn't taking advantage of your parents. Your father has done the right and fair thing regarding the will. I can't see why you're so cross.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 06/05/2023 12:28

Your Dad is right. They are in complete control of their finances and faculties. Their daughter, your sister needed their help.

I help out my adult daughters according to their needs. No one else's business.

Topee · 06/05/2023 12:30

Wow, what would you prefer; your sister to struggle with debt repayments at a high interest rate and poor mental health?

It’s not costing your parents a penny, they’ve helped their child out of a difficult situation. Many parents do this, most people like to help those in difficulty if they can.

MYOB

Nothingisblackandwhite · 06/05/2023 12:30

It’s none of your business . As a mum myself I help my children according to what they need . I’m sure if you needed help they would help too . Stop being a bad sibling

TheApplianceofScience · 06/05/2023 12:31

Shame you didn’t do AIBU you would have had your answer pretty comprehensively that you are BU, but then you know that.

Shame on you.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 06/05/2023 12:34

She's repaying it and nothing to do.with you anyway. I'm assuming you're actually concerned that she either isn't actually paying it all herself or has had more money from them than you know about?

TheSmallAssassin · 06/05/2023 12:34

Yes, it's none of your business, and I think it's really rude of you to think they are being taken advantage of, it doesn't sound like they are stupid or have been manipulated.

PrimrosesandPears · 06/05/2023 12:39

I don’t understand why this bothers you. It’s an arranging that your parents are happy with, and improves your sister’s position. Given that they’ve discussed how to even up inheritance if you sadly lose either of them before your sister repays it, it will not affect you financially. I think my parents would do similar for me or my brother if we were in debt, as I would for my children in future - provided they didn’t keep accruing more debt once I’d cleared some. I think you owe your Dad and sister an apology.

NoSquirrels · 06/05/2023 12:44

Yeah, really don’t think this is any of your business. They haven’t even lent her money. And there’s a plan if it’s not repaid. Butt out.

DysmalRadius · 06/05/2023 12:48

Reva41 · 06/05/2023 11:46

100% not a reverse. I am sympathetic but I also love my parents

Show quote history

It's mean of you to imply your sister doesn't love your parents and patronising (and hypocritical) of you to suggest that you should have more of a say in how they use their own money.

NoSquirrels · 06/05/2023 12:49

The only way this could be a problem would be if your sister stopped paying the direct debits and defaulted, screwing your parents credit rating. But that’s their risk to take.

NoSquirrels · 06/05/2023 12:51

NoSquirrels · 06/05/2023 12:49

The only way this could be a problem would be if your sister stopped paying the direct debits and defaulted, screwing your parents credit rating. But that’s their risk to take.

So you could suggest it’d be better if they paid the direct debits and your system paid them once a month. That way they’re in control of their credit commitments. But otherwise butt out.

UseOfWeapons · 06/05/2023 12:58

None of your business, I think.

LadyMargaretDevereux · 06/05/2023 12:59

I would do this for my dc if they got in a mess financially and would expect my other dc to understand. The money is being paid back, so it's not even as if they have bailed her out and paid the money off for her.

MelchiorsMistress · 06/05/2023 13:01

I can’t see what you have to be upset about. They are adults that can make financial decisions without you. They’re helping their daughter because she needs help, that’s a good thing surely?

Your sister is paying it back and your inheritance has been protected, you have literally nothing to complain about.

blahblahblah1654 · 06/05/2023 13:03

They're helping their daughter and she's paying them back monthly. What's the problem? It is none of your business. Are you worried about your potential inheritance if she doesn't pay them back?

3FriendsAndADog · 06/05/2023 13:06

The only thing your parents have done is to make it easier for dsister to deal with the debt.
It’s nit costing them anything. It’s not putting them financially at risk. They thought about it so well they even thought about the fact it would reduce yur dsis inheritance….

So why do you think your dsis is taking advantage is beyong me tbh.

And yes I can also see why your dad reacted that way and why your parents and dsis are upset.
Would you have preferred to see your dsis struggling instead?
Are you upset you weren’t part of the discussion in the first place? If so WHY??

QuickGuide · 06/05/2023 13:07

My parents don't do loans (never a lender nor a borrower be). If they help either of us it's a gift. Mostly durring our lives DSis has needed more help than I have because I've had more good fortune. That's absolutely fine with me, I'm grateful for it.

In this situation, they'd have given Dsis the money and (I expect) inheritance would still be 50/50. That would also be fine with me. I hope they have such long and full lives it's all spent.

CKL987 · 06/05/2023 13:42

Yabvu. You are not disadvantaged and neither are your parents. They've put things in place to deal with the situation should they die. I'm not sure what your issue is here. In my family I would probably have known about this but that is due to openess and being comfortable talking money but it isn't the same in other families.
My DS borrowed money from my parents and it wasn't even written into the will. We just divided the estate between us taking that into account after both parents had died.

lljkk · 06/05/2023 14:00

Is this help harming your parents, OP, will they have to make sacrifices to give money to your sister?

Blanketpolicy · 06/05/2023 14:04

You have two parents who I assume are of sound mind, as you haven't mentioned otherwise, and have made this decision together.

What makes you think this is any of your business?

pinkyredrose · 06/05/2023 14:08

Your sister's still paying the debt, it's not like your parents are giving her money. Keep your beak out.

How did you find out?

EarringsandLipstick · 06/05/2023 14:10

OP, your post is just so horrible.

Of course it's none of your business. But also how could you not want your sister to be supported in a difficult situation?

TrashyPanda · 06/05/2023 14:15

None of your business