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Original poster

AIBU to ask for more money

93 replies

Rebellion86 · 04/05/2023 14:42

My ex and I separated 2years ago. Have 2 boys, 7&4. I live in a mortgage free house that was left to me by a family member. Ex and his new partner have recently bought house and have an infant.
I earn 1k pm, and get an extra 400 in UC. Ex has been giving me 40£ pw towards boys needs. With the coat of living crisis and the prices of food, diesel etc skyrocketing, I'm wondering AIBU to ask Ex for extra money pw.
I know I have it better off than a lot of people but am fairly starting to notice the hit when it comes to food shops, the boys have a string of activities they do outside of school that they love so I don't want to pull them from what they enjoy. Even clothes have got so expensive and most of our stuff is coming from primark, asda tesco etc.

I work nightshift and rely on my family to mind boys when at work so atm can't really do extra shifts, plus we have a full team so OT is few and far between.
Ex takes boys one evening per midweek after work, feeds, bathes and brings home for bed, and takes one night at weekend overnight. We have an ok relationship so I don't want to rock the boat asking for more money, so advice please.

OP posts:
mosiacmaker · 05/05/2023 10:18

Sorry, the father of your children is giving you £20 a week per child? That is shocking and low and I CANNOT believe the posters giving you a hard time for wondering if you should ask for more! Of course you should. Considering he thinks two extra curricular activities are two much for his children (what a shit dad to begrudge his kids two hobbies each) then it sounds like you do need to go through CMS.

mosiacmaker · 05/05/2023 10:19

*too!

Flopsythebunny · 05/05/2023 10:20

berksandbeyond · 05/05/2023 10:15

You have a mortgage free house, free childcare, work part and get benefits.. but you want more? Wow

The children are entitled to be supported by both parents. Of course the father should pay more

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/05/2023 10:20

Wow the responses on here are vile. Your ex is a father and paying next to nothing, I don’t care if the OP is a millionaire, his bloody children deserve their dad to pay half! It does not cost £80 a wk to raise 2 children- it’s a hell of a lot more.
my advice OP is ask if he either is able to raise or instead pay half of certain bills on top of his Maintenace ie. New uniform, extra curricular activities etc.

And no the OP clearly isn’t rolling in it £1500 a month, food and fuel could easily take half of that these days!

Original poster
Rebellion86 · 05/05/2023 10:20

crimsonlake · 05/05/2023 09:59

Another one shocked so many people on this thread are questioning your income and expenditure. This man has fathered two children and is paying a pittance towards their upkeep. On what planet is that fair?

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Rebellion86 · 05/05/2023 10:22

berksandbeyond · 05/05/2023 10:15

You have a mortgage free house, free childcare, work part and get benefits.. but you want more? Wow

It's not about wanting more, it's the principle

OP posts:
Original poster
Rebellion86 · 05/05/2023 10:24

mosiacmaker · 05/05/2023 10:18

Sorry, the father of your children is giving you £20 a week per child? That is shocking and low and I CANNOT believe the posters giving you a hard time for wondering if you should ask for more! Of course you should. Considering he thinks two extra curricular activities are two much for his children (what a shit dad to begrudge his kids two hobbies each) then it sounds like you do need to go through CMS.

Thank you for your support

OP posts:
Original poster
Rebellion86 · 05/05/2023 10:25

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/05/2023 10:20

Wow the responses on here are vile. Your ex is a father and paying next to nothing, I don’t care if the OP is a millionaire, his bloody children deserve their dad to pay half! It does not cost £80 a wk to raise 2 children- it’s a hell of a lot more.
my advice OP is ask if he either is able to raise or instead pay half of certain bills on top of his Maintenace ie. New uniform, extra curricular activities etc.

And no the OP clearly isn’t rolling in it £1500 a month, food and fuel could easily take half of that these days!

Thank you for your support

OP posts:
phishfoodforlife · 05/05/2023 12:45

berksandbeyond · 05/05/2023 10:15

You have a mortgage free house, free childcare, work part and get benefits.. but you want more? Wow

Yeah wow, imagine being asked to support your own children.

Wind your judgy, mean neck in along with the rest of the arseholes treating this woman like shit.

berksandbeyond · 05/05/2023 17:59

phishfoodforlife · 05/05/2023 12:45

Yeah wow, imagine being asked to support your own children.

Wind your judgy, mean neck in along with the rest of the arseholes treating this woman like shit.

Show quote history

OP could work more and support her kids too?

She should go through CMS

Daffodilwoman · 05/05/2023 18:08

I’d check on the CMS website. Be aware though that only your ex’s declared earnings will be taken into account. Any children his new partner has will reduce the about of maintenance he legally has to pay. The children do not even have to be his! The more children a woman has the less her new partner has to pay towards his own biological children.

Original poster
Rebellion86 · 05/05/2023 18:18

berksandbeyond · 05/05/2023 17:59

OP could work more and support her kids too?

She should go through CMS

Show quote history

I am supporting my kids, but their dad should be supporting them too

OP posts:
BananaBlue · 05/05/2023 19:13

you aren’t yet divorced?

OP, did you get your share when the marital home was sold?

I agree that regardless of your situation, he should be properly and fairly providing for the children he has with you.

Wigglewigglewitch · 28/06/2023 23:17

It doesn’t matter if the OP is a millionaire. Their dad has a financial responsibility and only he, as the non RP, has the option of choosing what his children cost him.

Wigglewigglewitch · 28/06/2023 23:20

berksandbeyond · 05/05/2023 10:15

You have a mortgage free house, free childcare, work part and get benefits.. but you want more? Wow

the Internalised misogyny on this thread is strong. You know the men can’t hear you don’t yoy?

kweeble · 28/06/2023 23:28

I agree you should go through CMS for the sake of your child - he’s paying you very little and it’s likely he earns enough to give you more.

Bubblyfawn · 12/06/2025 20:04

£20 a week for each child is a bit low, it should be at least £40 a week for each child, you should have a talk with him.

Bunnycat101 · 14/06/2025 09:16

I’m shocked you’ve had a hard time here. He is doing very little by the sounds of things re actual childcare and is paying £20 a week per child. That isn’t going to be covering a lot at all.

School dinners alone at my primary are £3 a day. Even if you take out the fact that OP has free housing, he’s not going to be covering half of the children’s expenses.

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