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Original poster

Will I end up in a tent ?

79 replies

user1488308965 · 20/04/2023 22:11

Married 29 years . One child nearly 18 . Disabled . Going through a divorce . I am a carer. He is not far off retirement . I’m younger .
There is not a lot of money in the pot to share out .Judge said no spousal support and clean break.He keeps his pension .
I will have to claim universal credit for me alone
i wont be able to afford to live ,eat , or pay bills .I will only get universal credit (single person ) as child will be over 18
I need to know what other woman do in this position as I will lose most of my income is related around my life as a carer and a mother .ie child maintenance ( solicitor advised it will end at 19 years) child benefit will end . My child will have to make their own claims for any benefits .
I also have a terminal disease .
So all I would be left with is £73.00 a week and carers allowance ( not guaranteed )
I feel that giving up my career to look after a disabled child is seen as “a choice”by this government and the courts .when in reality if I would not off been around to care for my child , they would not survived . I feel at a loss completely , I could seriously end up sleeping in a tent , if I could afford one .

OP posts:
KnickerlessParsons · 21/04/2023 09:59

My Universal credit will go down , because my son has to claim in his own right at 18 . Universal credit is £73.00 a week single

Your son will pay you rent and board out of the benefits he receives though, surely?

Original poster
user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:06

Hi it depends , where he is and what he wants to do .At 18 he is an adult and he can move out

OP posts:
Original poster
user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:07

Not near state pension age

OP posts:
Original poster
user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:09

Half the house will not buy me a house . I will lose all my benefits until the money is used up in rented .

OP posts:
rattymol · 21/04/2023 10:11

Sadly you will have to spend the equity and then rent and claim housing benefits through universal credit. Lots of people rent and claim benefits. Benefits for anyone without children are very low.

FlemCandango · 21/04/2023 10:17

You could look at a part buy part rent option so that you get benefits on the rent part and put the majority of the proceeds from your half of the house into the new property which will mean it is not taken into account for your means tested benefits. It would be complex so you need good advice. Try your local Citizens Advice office. You will be able to move out now and claim, housing element for the new property before the joint home is sold as the equity in the joint home is disregarded at least for 6 months in a divorce situation.

Plantgeumstoday · 21/04/2023 10:18

Have you actually spoken to a solicitor to act for you?
Not a joint solicitor.
You need legal advice for your needs alone.

As you are married I’d have thought you’d be entitled to half the value of the pension, half the value of the marital
home, regardless of whether it’s in his name.

It’s a bizarre outcome otherwise.
Is this judge a mysoginist ?

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/04/2023 10:28

user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:06

Hi it depends , where he is and what he wants to do .At 18 he is an adult and he can move out

If your DS moves out, you will no longer be his carer and will be able to seek paid employment. On the basis that despite being disabled yourself you’ve been able to act to provide full time care, surely even part-time paid work would be an option for you?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/04/2023 10:29

user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:09

Half the house will not buy me a house . I will lose all my benefits until the money is used up in rented .

Unfortunately that's one of those things. It's rubbish but he also needs a place to live. The house would have to be split. And either rent or buy if possible. Did you have your own solicitor though? As I'm surprised he's kept his pension tbh.

Original poster
user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:31

Yes the judge is trying to be “ fair” . By equality can only be equality if you are at the same starting position . Which we are not .

half a house can’t buy a house . No council housing

“ so he works full time on a high salary . I am a carer on miniuiumIn this situation it would make sense for your son to remain living with his father if you are unable to afford for him to live with you.”

just because someone is “ valued “ as being able to get paid , does not make them the best person to care for a disabled child . He works full time and therefore cannot be around to care for his child .

is there no one on mums net who is a carer who has gotten divorced ?

OP posts:
VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 21/04/2023 10:37

Are there any new developments going up near you? Shared ownership might be an answer?

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 21/04/2023 10:38

Oh. And it’s fucking shit. I’m sorry he’s pulled the rug from you

Lougle · 21/04/2023 11:01

user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:09

Half the house will not buy me a house . I will lose all my benefits until the money is used up in rented .

But that's not quite the same thing as living in a tent, is it? If you'll get half the equity, then you can afford to rent for a good while. Once your capital goes below £16k, you'll start to get some universal credit, then once it's below £6k you'll get full universal credit.

If you had said that you feel it's unfair, you're worried about the future, etc., then you probably would have got other replies. But you made it seem like you were not going to get much to live on and actually, UC isn't terrible for people with disabilities.

If you start getting fit notes for your DS, he can start a 'credits only' claim for ESA, then he can establish Low Capability for Work and Work Related Activity, which means he'll get a higher level of UC.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/04/2023 11:11

half a house can’t buy a house . No council housing

But with the equity from the house, you could rent surely?

MichelleScarn · 21/04/2023 11:23

user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:06

Hi it depends , where he is and what he wants to do .At 18 he is an adult and he can move out

How can he move out and live where he wants if he needs you as a full time carer?

Wisterical · 21/04/2023 11:32

No you won't end up in a tent because you'll have many, many thousands of £'s to pay for a home. And you have PIP. Eventually you will be eligible for UC, almost certainly including the LCWRA additional payment, which will be over £700pm. Plus rent, as you say you won't be buying another house. You will also probably be able to earn £300+ a month without losing any of your UC.

Chewbecca · 21/04/2023 11:49
  • If your son continues to live with you, and you care for him, and he claims benefits in his own right, then will you not pool your money and his money to cover living costs?
  • If your son doesn't continue to live with you then you can go for smaller accommodation and potentially work, perhaps PT?
  • Has the fact you are not splitting his pension resulted in you getting a larger share of the equity in the family home?
Posters might be able to help if you are able share info on facts and figures.

(Agree, it is a very shitty situation)

Aubree17 · 21/04/2023 12:20

It all sounds very unclear.

You should be entitled to half the marital assets.including the house. Including the pension.

Did you have a lawyer? Has this gone to court?

If you don't have a lawyer you need one ASAP.

justlurkinghere · 21/04/2023 12:31

user1488308965 · 21/04/2023 10:31

Yes the judge is trying to be “ fair” . By equality can only be equality if you are at the same starting position . Which we are not .

half a house can’t buy a house . No council housing

“ so he works full time on a high salary . I am a carer on miniuiumIn this situation it would make sense for your son to remain living with his father if you are unable to afford for him to live with you.”

just because someone is “ valued “ as being able to get paid , does not make them the best person to care for a disabled child . He works full time and therefore cannot be around to care for his child .

is there no one on mums net who is a carer who has gotten divorced ?

Well, a friend did, but she went and got a full time job. As a single mother, she didn't really have a choice. Ideally your son's father should want to support you to care for him, if that's best for the son, but he doesn't, so you need another plan. Every mother I know of kids who need extra care works at least part-time. Those who can't really struggle.

RagingWoke · 21/04/2023 12:40

I understand you are a carer for your son, but also say he can move out if he wants so he able to look after himself? Or does he need 24/7 care as that makes a difference to the advice you will get and what you would be able to claim for him and support options.

Your own illness, completely understandable that it would prevent you from working (and pains your ex as a heartless bastard cheating on his terminally ill wife then leaving her with nothing!). The judges ruling seems horrific given you have stayed at home caring allowing your ex to have a career.

Have you approached your council housing department or any social housing providers? Also do check entitledto.co.uk if you haven't already for an idea of benefit entitlement.
Macmillan (as you mentioned cancer) and shelter might be able to help you also:

www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/impacts-of-cancer/benefits-and-financial-support

LaurieFairyCake · 21/04/2023 13:02

I'm so sorry you're going to die Flowers

The plan you need to make going forward is to:

  1. Rent a property that will suit your needs as your disease progresses - a bungalow with adaptations for example - low kerb outside, no steps - whatever you need to make it easier for you
  1. Get social services to come round and assess yours and your sons needs when he reaches adult hood - this is REALLY important
  1. Social services will help you prepare your son to live in supporting living once you've died - you clearly know best for him and love him so you will need time to do that
  1. Claim PIP/contact charities associated with yours and your sons condition
  1. Use your money to work for you - everything you buy keep the receipt for - you will need it in case universal credit accuse you of 'running down your money' to bring your money below benefit threshold. Buy everything you need - medication, medical aids, car suitable for disability, electric scooter - ANYTHING you think you will need - like a stock of adult nappies, HUGELY expensive but may be necessary depending on conditions.

You might find it will be really easy to buy the things you need in preparation to bring you under the benefit threshold

Again, Flowers

loislovesstewie · 21/04/2023 13:06

If you can't afford to buy where you live are you able to buy elsewhere? If you are saying your son can move out then where would he move to? I'm trying to understand why you feel he could physically do that and sort it for himself but still need a carer. I know the whole thing sucks, but people are trying to give you good advice.

Gingerkittykat · 21/04/2023 13:44

Is your child in full time education? If so you can claim UC and child benefit for him up until his 19th birthday.

If he is out of education he can set up his own UC claim before he is 18 because he has a disability.

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