Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Keep inheritance a secret?

61 replies

bigoltittiz · 20/04/2023 20:33

Hi,

I have just heard that I have been left some money by my Great Aunt. Not sure of the exact amount but I know that it's around the 20k mark.

my dh is a lovely man but he is not great with money and in the past our money has slipped through his fingers with not much to show for it. He has been in debt and is generally shit with money.

I am really keen to keep hold of this cash. Would it be terrible of me to just put it into an account and 'forget about it' without telling him? I know its not ideal, but then we don't live in a ideal world. He has no idea and there is not really any way of his finding out.

OP posts:
Dragonsandcats · 20/04/2023 20:34

In these circumstances I wouldn’t tell my dh and would keep it safe.

Dortmunder · 20/04/2023 20:35

Dragonsandcats · 20/04/2023 20:34

In these circumstances I wouldn’t tell my dh and would keep it safe.

I agree.

Dontbelieveaword · 20/04/2023 20:35

Are you planning to stay with your DH 'until death do us part'? If so, are you going to hide the money forever? Never spend it?
Just think how would you feel if you somehow found out the he had 20k squirreled away that he didn't fancy telling you about?

Greensleevevssnotnose · 20/04/2023 20:35

Would someone else not mention it? If not, fair play

Eggseggseverywhere · 20/04/2023 20:36

My exh would have had it squandered in days. Your inheritance doesn't need declaring imo op.
My now dh is also crap with money which is why we have separate finances. In your shoes I would not tell!

SkyeBlue28 · 20/04/2023 20:36

I also agree

Riverlee · 20/04/2023 20:36

Yes, definitely.

or keep a small amount for general use, and the rest in your account.

IncompleteSenten · 20/04/2023 20:37

What would you ultimately want to use it for?

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/04/2023 20:37

Dontbelieveaword · 20/04/2023 20:35

Are you planning to stay with your DH 'until death do us part'? If so, are you going to hide the money forever? Never spend it?
Just think how would you feel if you somehow found out the he had 20k squirreled away that he didn't fancy telling you about?

I'm sure she would be delighted if that was the case, but the reality is that she is finding out that he is losing money, not gaining it.

TheBitterBoy · 20/04/2023 20:37

Dragonsandcats · 20/04/2023 20:34

In these circumstances I wouldn’t tell my dh and would keep it safe.

I also agree, but I think in your situation I would also want to be having a serious conversation with DH about money, if his lack of control would make you want to keep something this big from him.

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/04/2023 20:37

I wouldn't dream of telling him, and I would invest it.

CombatBarbie · 20/04/2023 20:38

Half it.... If there's a big family, who knows what could be said. Tell him it's 50% and stash the rest.

MintJulia · 20/04/2023 20:38

I don't think that would be unreasonable at all.

SwedishEdith · 20/04/2023 20:41

Dontbelieveaword · 20/04/2023 20:35

Are you planning to stay with your DH 'until death do us part'? If so, are you going to hide the money forever? Never spend it?
Just think how would you feel if you somehow found out the he had 20k squirreled away that he didn't fancy telling you about?

Well, he wouldn't because he'd have spent it.

Definitely keep your finances separate if you're married to someone like this.

CordyLines · 20/04/2023 20:41

I don't know... but if as you say he is useless with money, maybe tell him but get the payment in two tranches. One for you (half?) that you keep to yourself, the other half for family stuff and a small rainy day fund that you say is the inheritance. I don't blame you thinking about not saying anything BTW.

I just feel that sometimes being secretive can come back to bite you, but a half truth might work!

AchillesHeelys · 20/04/2023 20:44

I can’t imagine not telling my husband about something like this.

I think I would want to save it/invest it somewhere he doesn’t have access, and openly explain to him why I’ve handled it in that way (i.e. ‘it’s my inheritance, I want to save it for the future and not spend it now so I’m putting it to one side’).

What he is likely to do in that scenario? demand access to the money?

Dontbelieveaword · 20/04/2023 20:45

Dont jump down my throat, I'm playing devils advocate. I get what you're all saying - he's irresponsible and he'll waste it.
if I was married to someone who couldn't be responsible with money, who wasted family money, would I want to stay with him? Would I want to have to keep a huge secret because I don't trust him?
If it was the other way around and you found out your OH had 20k hidden away, would you not be upset?
If this post was about OP having just found out the DH had kept 20k in a bank account she didn't know about and when asked for an explanation, he replied saying 'well, you're always wasting money. Its my inheritance, so I wanted to keep it from you' you'd all be in uproar. You'd all be shouting LTB.

KitKatLove · 20/04/2023 20:47

What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is my own. I couldn’t do it, I treat this sort of thing the way I would like to be treated. Keep it in a sole account in your name if you want but tell your husband the truth.

Dontbelieveaword · 20/04/2023 20:49

I'm not saying she's not allowed to have separate finances for this reason, so don't twist my words please. I'm talking about having to and wanting to keep such a big secret from someone you're married to.

CherryCokeFanatic · 20/04/2023 20:50

If he’s shit with money how likely do you think it could be that he will have debts or do something stupid in the future that will mean you have to bail him out with this money? If likely, I think you should actually spend at least some of it now on something nice for yourself or a holiday or similar. Otherwise you’ll end up getting nothing out of it other than drama when he inevitably finds out and needs it to solve money woes

Nat6999 · 20/04/2023 21:00

Put it in a bank account, don't tell him & only get electronic statements so he doesn't find out. I was married to someone who was useless with money & it contributed to us splitting up.

Iloveacurry · 20/04/2023 21:04

Haven’t you got your own account where he doesn’t have access? Just put it in there and he won’t be able to use it. If he knew about it, what would he do?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 20/04/2023 21:07

I think it's fine not to tell him, if you invest it for your mutual future. He will benefit from it too - more so, in fact, than if you tell him now.

If you're planning to hide it in case of a future divorce, that is not ok, legally, regardless if whether you feel it's justified morally, if he has frittered other savings. You will need to declare it.

Rightsraptor · 20/04/2023 21:17

You need to hide it to protect your family. If he gets wind of it, he'll want to blow the lot so you'll be doing everyone a favour by keeping it quiet. If you feel guilty, just feed some into the family finances gradually - nicer presents and things that you got 'in a sale' or something.

He could find out about it though as, after probate, wills are in the public domain and anyone can get a copy of a will for a few pounds. He might not know from that how much you got (if you were left a % of something, for instance), but if you were left a specific amount like £20,000 then he may ask some awkward questions.

Oldnproud · 20/04/2023 21:22

Presumably you don't / are unlikely to claim any benefits where you would have to declare your savings, and he would find out that way?