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Original poster

Keep inheritance a secret?

61 replies

bigoltittiz · 20/04/2023 20:33

Hi,

I have just heard that I have been left some money by my Great Aunt. Not sure of the exact amount but I know that it's around the 20k mark.

my dh is a lovely man but he is not great with money and in the past our money has slipped through his fingers with not much to show for it. He has been in debt and is generally shit with money.

I am really keen to keep hold of this cash. Would it be terrible of me to just put it into an account and 'forget about it' without telling him? I know its not ideal, but then we don't live in a ideal world. He has no idea and there is not really any way of his finding out.

OP posts:
MiniDinosaur · 21/04/2023 09:55

I think you should tell him but put it straight into a 2 yr fixed rate account in your name and make it clear that it is to be held as an investment, or passed to your DC if you have them.

Sparklfairy · 21/04/2023 09:57

FloydPepper · 21/04/2023 09:42

These threads are always the same

woman hides money = “well done”
man hides money = “you bastard”

Have to agree. I know grabby, spendy, reckless people of both sexes. I also know tight, financially controlling people of both sexes.

When these threads come up in reverse (the man hiding money), the responses are very different. Possibly posters' own baggage and bias attached to their replies, also the complicating factors that a man usually earns more and has more financial freedom to leave.

It is very, very difficult whichever sex you are, to have a relationship with someone who has different financial values. Those value inevitably clash regularly, but I would not be happy with my life partner thinking he can spunk an inheritance given to me up the wall - an inheritance he would never have seen if he was not married to me.

Sharing is fine. Squandering is not. It all depends how bad his 'problem' is, and how much respect he has for the OP and her wishes as to what to do with the money. There could be some common ground to be found, but equally some people are blinded by windfalls and go nuts til it's gone. We have no way of knowing which the DH is.

Abra1t · 21/04/2023 10:02

Put it into a low-fee stocks and shares ISA and then nobody can easily spend it.

RosesAndHellebores · 21/04/2023 10:04

DH and I have similar attitudes to money. We have separate accounts. He has investments I'm not aware of and vice versa. It's a bit odd as we have no secrets really and I have keys to the filing cabinet where all his paperwork is kept and there is ua list of all accounts/holdings, etc., there. Same for me. I wouldn’t go snooping though.

Similarly we don't discuss major purchases if made from our own money. He has bought a house and a wanky sports car without consultation. I had a garden landscaped without consultation although I did tell him in advance.

@bigoltittiz I'd keep the money and ditch the DH tbh.

caringcarer · 21/04/2023 10:13

I inherited £26k about 12 years ago. I invested it into a btl property I got for £103k. It needed work done on it before I could rent it. It has been rented from that point. The house is now worth £190k and I only have £48k left to pay on it. Invest wisely. I will be leaving this house to my 2 dgs. DH thinks I've done well. He is very good with money, we both are. In your position I'd invest wisely and not mention it to your DH or hell badger to death about spending it on rubbish.

CordyLines · 21/04/2023 10:14

This is one of the reasons I never married. 😉

Borntobeamum · 21/04/2023 10:16

If this was what i was thinking, that Id withhold it from him, id honestly have to evaluate my relationship with him.

Thats just my opinion.

Outnumbered99 · 21/04/2023 10:31

PsychoHotSauce · 21/04/2023 08:27

I might put a small amount, maybe a grand or two, and watch what he does with it. Lay it on thick that there's sentiment attached to this money and its important to you that it's used wisely.

If he pounces on it and squanders it, he'd never know about the rest. And I'd feel no guilt about that either.

I like this idea

Hongkongsuey · 21/04/2023 12:43

RosesAndHellebores · 21/04/2023 10:04

DH and I have similar attitudes to money. We have separate accounts. He has investments I'm not aware of and vice versa. It's a bit odd as we have no secrets really and I have keys to the filing cabinet where all his paperwork is kept and there is ua list of all accounts/holdings, etc., there. Same for me. I wouldn’t go snooping though.

Similarly we don't discuss major purchases if made from our own money. He has bought a house and a wanky sports car without consultation. I had a garden landscaped without consultation although I did tell him in advance.

@bigoltittiz I'd keep the money and ditch the DH tbh.

Wow! He just went out and bought a house! I know MN has quite a comfortable demographic but I think most couples would have a discussion before one of them spent so much on something. You’re obviously in a great financial position where your DH can do that without thinking to mention it. I think mine might splurge on a motorbike and present as a fait accomplit but that’s the limit!

RosesAndHellebores · 21/04/2023 12:52

It was an investment for me to renovate!

Happygirl79 · 23/04/2023 18:26

Don't tell him.

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