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Original poster

Keep inheritance a secret?

61 replies

bigoltittiz · 20/04/2023 20:33

Hi,

I have just heard that I have been left some money by my Great Aunt. Not sure of the exact amount but I know that it's around the 20k mark.

my dh is a lovely man but he is not great with money and in the past our money has slipped through his fingers with not much to show for it. He has been in debt and is generally shit with money.

I am really keen to keep hold of this cash. Would it be terrible of me to just put it into an account and 'forget about it' without telling him? I know its not ideal, but then we don't live in a ideal world. He has no idea and there is not really any way of his finding out.

OP posts:
Minimalme · 20/04/2023 21:38

That's fine. Although I'd tell him once it's in an account with your name on.

If he starts suggesting ways to spend it, remind him it was left to you and since he can't be trusted with money, he can't have any.

Nanalisa60 · 20/04/2023 21:53

Yep , buy premium bonds with it. Its you nest egg keep it safe for a rainy day.

ManyMaybes · 20/04/2023 22:20

What would he even spend it on? Would he go out and just buy expensive pointless crap?

He sounds like a waste of time to me, but anyway, other people have given good suggestions about being open with him but not letting him access the money. Premium bonds is a good idea! That being said, he might just get a bit more loose and free with his normal money knowing this 20k is there as a backup.

InSpainTheRain · 20/04/2023 22:58

I couldn't not tell my DH but he'd leave to with me, regard it as mine and never think if spending it. If he was a spendthrift I may tell him but lock it in a bond for a couple of years in my name only.

generalexpert · 21/04/2023 07:17

You should tell him about it, assuming you respect your marriage as a partnership. But similarly you should keep control of it.

Maybe split 20% out for spending and the other 80% as long term savings - ISA or equivalent. He won't be able to spend it if it's in your name anyhow.

Or if you think he'll have it off you in some way anyway, subject to you earning you could dump it in a pension (SIPP) which would give you an immediate 20% additional tax benefit or more depending on your earnings and keep it locked away until at least 55.

Just a thought.

Valour · 21/04/2023 07:25

I'd definitely tell him, and say that I was putting the money into savings, not to be spent now. My DP is similar and I keep all my money separate because our attitude towards money is so different to one another. It has never been an issue.

Emanresu9 · 21/04/2023 07:28

Be aware of the impact of inflation if you just put it in An account and do nothing.

my great grandfather inherited £5,000 at a time when that sun could buy 10 houses in London. He locked it into a trust with no get out clause and by the time by father inherited it and the trust was broken, that £5,000 just went into his current account and was swallowed up. The value was absolutely decimated by inflation.

Haus1234 · 21/04/2023 07:29

I definitely think it’s right for you to keep full control of the money rather than put it into a joint account. What would happen if you did that but told him, would that be an issue?

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 21/04/2023 08:08

Oh do it.
The peace of mind it will give you...

KitKatLove · 21/04/2023 08:19

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 21/04/2023 08:08

Oh do it.
The peace of mind it will give you...

Most people wouldn’t get any peace of mind knowing that they are hiding something from their partner. Especially when if the roles were reversed they wouldn’t be at all happy about the deception.

PsychoHotSauce · 21/04/2023 08:27

I might put a small amount, maybe a grand or two, and watch what he does with it. Lay it on thick that there's sentiment attached to this money and its important to you that it's used wisely.

If he pounces on it and squanders it, he'd never know about the rest. And I'd feel no guilt about that either.

slowquickstep · 21/04/2023 08:45

Say nothing. You know he will have it spent by mid summer if you tell him. Put it in with your escape fund ( i hope you have one)

Itwasnaeme · 21/04/2023 08:48

Would your aunt have wanted it to benefit you, OP? Because I think that is the answer

Mumsnut · 21/04/2023 08:53

I
would tell him about it but put it into an
account to which only I have access and make it clear that it is for
emergencies/ a rainy day. If you think he is more likely to overspend on other accounts because he knows it is there , then I would be looking to take control of finances and give him an allowance

Tarantullah · 21/04/2023 08:55

I don't know, i definitely wouldn't want him to have access to it, no, but it depends how you feel about being dishonest about it.

GoodChat · 21/04/2023 08:56

Tell him then just put it somewhere he doesn't have access to.

You can't keep something like this a secret.

LaylaLjungberg · 21/04/2023 08:57

Unless you need to use the money for something desperate, you’re doing him a favour keeping it quiet. Will come in handy in the future.

Hongkongsuey · 21/04/2023 09:07

I would tell him you have received inheritance but you’re locking it away for retirement/children/replacement car etc. Don’t consult him-tell him that’s what you’re doing. Then it’s not a guilty secret and if he wants access to it, remind him that it’s put away. If my dh received money, that would be up to him how it was spent-but I’d be annoyed if he made a secret out of it. That’s treating someone like a child.

Franticbutterfly · 21/04/2023 09:23

Definitely don't tell him. It will make your life easier in the long run.

MyopicBunny · 21/04/2023 09:24

It's your money, not his. I would definitely keep it a secret if he's terrible with money.

Northernsoullover · 21/04/2023 09:33

ManyMaybes · 20/04/2023 22:20

What would he even spend it on? Would he go out and just buy expensive pointless crap?

He sounds like a waste of time to me, but anyway, other people have given good suggestions about being open with him but not letting him access the money. Premium bonds is a good idea! That being said, he might just get a bit more loose and free with his normal money knowing this 20k is there as a backup.

Exactly what I was going to say. He might up his spending knowing there is a cushion. I'd say nothing.

Sirius3030 · 21/04/2023 09:34

slowquickstep · 21/04/2023 08:45

Say nothing. You know he will have it spent by mid summer if you tell him. Put it in with your escape fund ( i hope you have one)

Great idea. And perhaps OP’s partner is secretly putting all their ‘squandered’ funds into his escape fund. I assume he has one?

Morewineplease10 · 21/04/2023 09:36

It's your money op. Keep it somewhere same and keep schtum.

And no, I never used to have this attitude but am bring royally screwed over in my divorce.

FloydPepper · 21/04/2023 09:42

These threads are always the same

woman hides money = “well done”
man hides money = “you bastard”

ParentsTrapped · 21/04/2023 09:53

Depends what you want to do with it ultimately I think.

If it’s save for a rainy day then just buy premium bonds or stash it in a high interest account and tell him that it’s locked away. Or you could pay off a chunk of your mortgage or put it into your personal pension and tell him you’ve done that. He won’t be able to access it then either.

But if you’re planning to save it for holidays or a big purchase or something then he’s obviously going to have to find out about it at some stage.

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