Brother living in inherited house, banning siblings from visiting, probate

[GudrunM]

Hi...

My father died last year, left his house (no mortgage) equally between his 3 offspring , with my sister 53 and brother 42 as executors. My brother has never left the family home, and has I think only worked maybe 3 years in his life, when he was around 20...has never studied, volunteered or travelled. Not sure what he does with his life actually... nothing criminal, not an alcoholic, etc....just a bit of a loner. He also was not my Dad´s carer as my Dad was very healthy and able up until his death.

Thing is, my Dad left a little note, signed by himself ( not as part of his will) stating that my brother can ´stay in the house, rent free, only paying household bills, for as long as he wants´!!

My sister & I are pretty sure throughout his life, he barely contributed anything for rent to my Dad, or to cover bills...so of course he is taking full advantage of this continued rent free situation ( lovely, 3 bed semi, with a garage and garden) , and banned us from the home since 3 weeks after the funeral. He calls it ´his home!´

A solicitor has already said the note is not legally valid, but my sister and I decided to honour Dad´s wishes for a ´while´, ideally 1 year, to give our brother time to find his direction & find his own , 1st home, something not so difficult, as we are set to inherit around 100 thousand each from Dad´s house.

He also started a legal case against my sister, stating he cannot complete probate, as she lied about not owing Dad any money. (not true) The brother has spent almost 1 year now, searching around Dad´s rather muddled financial receipts, looking for any scrap of paper that may suggest any loans took place, even going back to 2004!.... He seems to hold some kind of vendetta against my sister, as she often tried to gently bring up when visiting, his lack of ambition, travel, work, even volunteering....and also not paying rent.

The younger brother states that attempting to visit him , in his home would be seen as ´harrassment & intimidation`!!

I can honestly say that Dad would be weeping, to see how things are, not even 1 year after his passing!

My sister has a husband , both working full time, and 2 children, just starting Uni.

I live in a small, rented place, have always worked too, often 2 jobs, and travel a lot.

For us both, this amount of money could make a massive difference in our lives, but we are equally frustrated and at a loss of what to do, without destroying what relationship we may have still, or being seen as vultures.

Plus, I don´t know how he handles real life, and stress, etc...but he seems to be happily prolonging everything for the sake of it, with the solicitor case against my sister, etc.

The main and deeply upsetting thing is what my brother has become....and that we can´t visit my late Dad´s home, for memories and to handle our grieving processes...
When I write sweetly to him, or send gifts, he mainly just ignores me.
Does anyone have any ideas how to progress? Thanks!!!!

Have you spelt it out for your mother that she has effectively written you out of the will? And had she thought how that would make you and your brother feel?

Agree she might have no idea the implications of this decision - often a clause can say/be used stay for 6 months a year after I pass is common and would help all of these so complex situations - savvy parents write this in to stop the above

I only discovered this information yesterday when I rang my mother for a chat. She told me the solicitor had been round and she'd signed her new will (I knew this was happening), then she just dropped out as an afterthought that she'd put in the will that my sister can continue living there as long as she likes. I need to think about this and decide what to say/do. It could blow the family apart. I don't think my brother is aware yet.

Please stop being nice and facilitating this nonsense. Get a court order and get the house sold. The time you and sis are giving him is being used against you, just get it sorted with a solicitor and get to court

TBF your sister has lived with your DM since she ( your DM) was 71. Is your sister your mother's carer ? Would you have moved in ?

Until last year my mother had a husband who did anything mum needed doing. My sister has only begrudgingly taken on any caring duties since last October. We have carers in 3 days per week, I go over 2 days a week and my sister covers evenings and weekends. She cooks meals and does the laundry (I clean and vacuum when I'm there) - mum doesn't need any personal care.

So sorry to hear your story, and loss, sadly this is so common with unmarried, often those identifying as male

Eh? So you're saying that it's mostly transmen doing this?

I sometimes wonder if people who do this kind of thing are just massively favouring one child and trying to make out that they aren't being unfair when they so clearly are; or if they genuinely don't do the simple maths and realise that a lifetime right to live in a house means that anybody of the same generation will also be dead or not far off in the same timescale, unless they have had a serious illness or accident, in which case they might well have gone before.

Moreover, if the person who is given a lifetime interest has children, you just know how they will emotionally twist things and play as difficult as they can to make sure that their children will get the house, after their time is up; so you can't even figure stoically that at least your own children will eventually get your inheritance.

I can't for the life of me understand how some people rationalise that, because one of their children has had free/heavily subsidised housing for decades (and thus the opportunity to save a fortune), whilst their siblings have to struggle and spend tens of thousands for the same thing, they have bizarrely 'earned' the right to never have to provide for themselves.

I realise it's sometimes different when a child has been actively caring for a parent for a long time, especially when their siblings have never even visited; although even then, I'll bet there are some who try to claim a bit of hoovering and washing up a couple of times a week, in exchange for free housing, has been 'full-time caring' for a parent who may indeed be fit and healthy and still independent.

thanks for writing but it´s a circus...getting worse!!!

wow!!! sounds exactly like my situation, or rather my brother. exactly!!!
thank you so much for your wise and sweet words! xx

Is there a way to stop the executors using the estate and savings for their personal legal fees? ie. in regard to the deceased but more a personal grudge against each other and not in the interest of their duties?

...as I´ve kinda given up, I stopped checking in here....but things have just gotten dirtier and more ridiculous, and more importantly, a hell of a lot more disrespectful to Dad´s memory!

my sister actually did borrow almost 50 thousand from Dad for the house, and a BMW. That´s between them two...but is up until now not showing what she paid back, using the excuse that she and her husband didn´t keep any kind of basic book-keeping...and also strangely enough, the bank can´t issue bank statements straightaway from more than 10 years ago.

So this has been dragged out for more than 18 months, and I feel that because she lives a more than comfortable house ( which I´m happy for them, really) in a 1million plus home , she feels no immediate pressure to show her payments and chase up probate, etc.

My brother is obviously delighted with this delay, and using every chance to come up with other obstacles and personal greivances against my sister...all of which I´m sure have no place in a probate / executors´ case.

So as you can maybe imagine, I have little respect for either of them...I feel like they are both happily dragging this process out....one, because he never wants to pay rent or work, and also hates his sister, and the other because she doesn´t need the money!

But Dad has got lost in this! I still haven´t been in the house for 2 years now, have 2 or 3 momentos from him, and the disrespect and family break-up is just so upsetting.

I have zero interest in going to Dad´s house ever again, never mind his city because it´s obviously just now my brother´s house, as he proudly says....with Dad´s things still in it...maybe??!!

And I have zero hope for anything from the will. I just see them bleeding the estate dry with their personal legal costs!
I fully expect to maybe get 10thousand in about 10 years time!!!

Is there a way to have 3rd of the estate blocked off so to speak....that it can´t be touched by unnecessary legal fees or does an executor really have free reign to run riot and have the estate pay for anything without a beneficiary´s consent, until the estate is literally in the minus?? How can that be fair, and how can it be stopped!

Last thing.....but, the latest is that they´re taking each other to court to remove each other as executor!!! It really is the circus you never dreamt of!!! I mean, I googled the costs of that, and not being funny, but I`ll be buggered if these costs are coming from my share!!!! But how do I stop it?

Will I be called to a court hearing? Can I refuse....I mean, I´m just a beneficiary. And these things can also take forever , right?? And then the cost to maybe, hopefully appoint an outside executor....I read it can still take 2 years. Can my brother challenge the claim?

I wish I had money and I would just walk away....

Sorry for the ramble, but I really appreciate all your concern and latest replies
xxxxx

Just so sorry this is happening to you.

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. My "lovely" step siblings challenged my late DM's will. All that happened was the estate being distributed was held up for a year, and the estate incurred a lot of lawyer's fees, including getting a QC involved - so we all got less from the estate, and they must have spent a fortune on their own lawyers. They never had a leg to stand on, but caused no end of trouble. Thank goodness none of them live in my town or they should be sleeping with one eye open!

Jesus! I am so sorry that your siblings are behaving in such a childish manner! Your father should have made your brother fly the nest and he should have named only you from the family as Executor as you alone have a moral compass. I experienced similar when my mother died and it is emotionally excoriating. I so hope that you get a decent amount and asap!

This is horrible to read. I'm so sorry for you. You're wise to step away but it would be better if you could get your inheritance ring fenced to protect it.

Any solicitors here that can advise OP?

Thank you so much!!....I did wonder if such a thing exists. I will continue to look into it.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation OP. It is shameful that you've not been allowed access to your dad's home, not least because you now own a 3rd of it, but there can be comfort in looking at momentos and things.

I was recently a sole executor on a relative's estate, I was also a beneficiary of the estate, there were several other beneficiaries. The solicitors I used were brilliant, they explained that I had to act in the best interests of the beneficiaries at all times and could not make unilateral decisions without consulting them. This was in part to protect myself in case one of the beneficiaries complained about something, as they would have a case against me if I did not do things properly.

So for example, when an offer was received on the house sale, I had to contact all the beneficiaries to let them know and get consensus on whether to accept or not.

If you google responsibilities of an executor, you'll find lots of articles that will explain what your brother and sister should be doing and not doing.

It does sound from your update that you may need some support in dealing with your brother and sister. You could perhaps post in one of the legal forums to see if someone there can give you some advice. It may also be a good idea to chat with Citizens Advice?

I understand that you just feel like walking away and leaving them to it, but your dad wanted the 3 of your to share his estate equally and they have a responsibility to honour his wishes.

If there's no probate presumably no one has been able to access your Dad's bank accounts etc. Did he have savings?

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. You need to go and see a solicitor specialising in probate disputes. If you are a substantial beneficiary there is a good chance they will defer their fees until there is a settlement. This is what happened to a relative of mine. Please stop letting this drag on.

Can you get your post moved to Legal Matters OP? That's the best place for your complex situation.

Sounds like you as a beneficiary need specialist legal advice especially if your brother has been using estate monies to pay for legal bills (although some fees are able to be claimed back as executor). Definitely post in legal for advice.

https://www.phrsolicitors.co.uk/legal-services-for-individuals/wills-and-probate/resources/what-expenses-can-executor-claim#:~:text=If%20there%20is%20not%20enough,as%20those%20of%20solicitors%20and

https://www.sleeblackwell.co.uk/legal-articles/probate-fraud#:~:text=Executor%20fraud&text=In%20these%20situations%20beneficiaries%20can,have%20been%20cheated%20out%20of.

oh, my younger brother has access to everything...1. as executor and 2. because he lived at home rent and bill free his whole life, so he basically had access to everything