Brother living in inherited house, banning siblings from visiting, probate

[GudrunM]

Hi...

My father died last year, left his house (no mortgage) equally between his 3 offspring , with my sister 53 and brother 42 as executors. My brother has never left the family home, and has I think only worked maybe 3 years in his life, when he was around 20...has never studied, volunteered or travelled. Not sure what he does with his life actually... nothing criminal, not an alcoholic, etc....just a bit of a loner. He also was not my Dad´s carer as my Dad was very healthy and able up until his death.

Thing is, my Dad left a little note, signed by himself ( not as part of his will) stating that my brother can ´stay in the house, rent free, only paying household bills, for as long as he wants´!!

My sister & I are pretty sure throughout his life, he barely contributed anything for rent to my Dad, or to cover bills...so of course he is taking full advantage of this continued rent free situation ( lovely, 3 bed semi, with a garage and garden) , and banned us from the home since 3 weeks after the funeral. He calls it ´his home!´

A solicitor has already said the note is not legally valid, but my sister and I decided to honour Dad´s wishes for a ´while´, ideally 1 year, to give our brother time to find his direction & find his own , 1st home, something not so difficult, as we are set to inherit around 100 thousand each from Dad´s house.

He also started a legal case against my sister, stating he cannot complete probate, as she lied about not owing Dad any money. (not true) The brother has spent almost 1 year now, searching around Dad´s rather muddled financial receipts, looking for any scrap of paper that may suggest any loans took place, even going back to 2004!.... He seems to hold some kind of vendetta against my sister, as she often tried to gently bring up when visiting, his lack of ambition, travel, work, even volunteering....and also not paying rent.

The younger brother states that attempting to visit him , in his home would be seen as ´harrassment & intimidation`!!

I can honestly say that Dad would be weeping, to see how things are, not even 1 year after his passing!

My sister has a husband , both working full time, and 2 children, just starting Uni.

I live in a small, rented place, have always worked too, often 2 jobs, and travel a lot.

For us both, this amount of money could make a massive difference in our lives, but we are equally frustrated and at a loss of what to do, without destroying what relationship we may have still, or being seen as vultures.

Plus, I don´t know how he handles real life, and stress, etc...but he seems to be happily prolonging everything for the sake of it, with the solicitor case against my sister, etc.

The main and deeply upsetting thing is what my brother has become....and that we can´t visit my late Dad´s home, for memories and to handle our grieving processes...
When I write sweetly to him, or send gifts, he mainly just ignores me.
Does anyone have any ideas how to progress? Thanks!!!!

What a sad state of affairs for you all Op. You and your DS absolutely need good legal advice so that you can get the stop on the probate cleared and the sale of the house processed. I know it will finish any relationship with your DB but he's being very unfair, if he stays in the house it will probably get neglected and could be another problem for you later. Your DB has his head in the sand, he thinks if he blocks probate he can just go on living there for good but if the house sells he'll leave with a pile of cash so not as if he'll be on the streets.
I hope you can get this sorted and hopefully rescue some sort of peace with your DB

It really does sound like a difficult situation for your all. It’s only been 6mths, it’s not a long time for you and your siblings to have processed everything

Perhaps you could write your brother a heartfelt letter, explaining how you feel and letting him know that you do care for him and want a relationship.

You say that the last time you spoke about him supporting himself, he sounded responsive. Could you do a bit more digging and contact citizens advice - find out what specific support is available and organisations that could help.

You could then share this information with him once you begin seeing each other again.

If he begins getting support from organisations, he may then be able to see the bigger picture, broaden his horizons and think about buying a flat for example.

You say yourself that your concern about this situation is not about the money, so even if you and your sister agreed to have him stay for a few more years, it wouldn’t impact your claim on the property down the line.

Descriptions of your brother indicate that he may have additional support needs, is isolated, has no income, skills or training. He will need support to stand on his on two feet.

I have been trying to making the point that posters on this forum can end up encourage people to jump into situations guns blazing, when a bit more tact can sometimes avoid the breakdown of relationships and severing of all ties.

.

oh thank you so much for one of the sweetest, most gentle and smartest answers I´ve had yet! Such good points...of course, I don´t blame them as the post can´t relate everything...but some people think automatically I´m just looking for advice on how to throw my brother out of the house, or sell the house, or get my inheritance. Thank you for understanding...

@GudrunM my friend is in a similar situation with her siblings. Is yours now resolved?

I think you need to see a lawyer and get probate going, whether or not you want to support your brother. They are both the same thing right now- living there is not his best future option, so supporting him includes selling the house. After that you two choose if you wish to support him to find accom.

no...I´ve given up. I just send Birthday and Christmas cards now, loving, nice, but nothing else. It´s been more than 2 years...both siblings seem to be running some kind of circus. I haven´t been allowed in my Father´s home since the funeral, and that´s it for me. I don´t have the energy for it...or the funds to throw at a lawyer/ solicitor. They´ve both probably used up the estate on lawyer´s fee anyway ( they don´t send me any accounts on what is being spent) so nothing to fight for anyway. Thanks for writing. Lots of love xx

You have put exactly what I was thinking @DragonDoor

.I´ve given up. I just send Birthday and Christmas cards now, loving, nice, but nothing else. It´s been more than 2 years...both siblings seem to be running some kind of circus. I haven´t been allowed in my Father´s home since the funeral, and that´s it for me. I don´t have the energy for it...or the funds to throw at a lawyer/ solicitor. They´ve both probably used up the estate on lawyer´s fee anyway ( they don´t send me any accounts on what is being spent) so nothing to fight for anyway. Thanks for writing. Lots of love xx

Wow. How did it get to this? And why are you sending your brother who has stolen £100k from you cards??!?!

what else can I do without going crazy? both siblings seem to be dragging it out.... one hasn´t answered what she paid back from a 40,000 loan from dad, and the other is ´happily´ living rent free, job free in dad´s house and blocking probate. I can´t chase things anymore... to be honest, between them, they´ve probably already bled Dad´s house dry with their totally unneccassary legal costs against each other! I feel so upset, and so ashamed that they are behaving like this. I originally thought my sister had paid most of the loan back....and also didn´t care much, but she´s fail to show accounts so I think they´re equally to blame for this 2 year circus. I want out.

Interesting comment here

https://www.leathesprior.co.uk/news/an-update-on-probate-delays-and-what-this-could-mean-for-you

• How delays can impact Inheritance Tax

Inheritance Tax, if payable, falls due to be paid to HMRC six months after the end of the month of death, so if someone passes away in January, any Inheritance Tax falls due on 31 July. If the Inheritance Tax is not paid by the six-month deadline, then interest will begin to accrue on the outstanding sum until it is paid.The interest accrual is a concern particularly in estates where most of the assets are illiquid and/or the Grant of Probate is required to redeem the assets and subsequently pay any remaining tax. The more interest that accrues, the less that will be available to distribute to the beneficiaries.

So IF there is an inheritance tax liability it is more than overdue.

Thats something that should be concentrating everyones mind.

You're a better person than I am OP. I would have gone in, all guns blazing, long before now. They are making a mockery of your DF's wishes, and they would be getting letters from my solicitor in place of cards!

you´re exactly what I would like to be...but I don´t want to throw my minimum wage at a solicitor...just not sure it´s worth it. they are truly making a mockery of my Dad, and what he wished for us...this is the main point, and I don´t want to join in to be honest!

If this note was indeed written by your Dad (albeit not legally-binding at all), surely he would realise what he was doing? Even the vague 'as long as he wants' is obviously going to be exploited by him and expanded to 'the rest of his life' - why wouldn't he; and what incentive does he have not to do that?

A lifetime interest is more normally given to a person of an older generation; e.g. an elderly person who has remarried leaves their house to their own children (who are not the children of the new spouse), but with the provision that their (usually also elderly) spouse gets to live out their twilight years there; then, when they are gone, the generation below get full access to their inheritance.

By giving his 42yo DS a life interest - could be another 50 years - in the house, before you (9 years older) and your DSis (presumably a similar-ish age) can access your inheritance is just a weaselly way of leaving it all to him and nothing to you two.

It might have made sense to state that he has the right to live there, but that he must buy you two out when he can and, in the meantime, pay you both a fair market rent for the third that you each own; but he obviously knew that he would never have the money, or the inclination to earn it, to ever pay you any rent. I think it's far more likely that he will insist that it's HIS house when you want to visit or benefit from it at all, but it's oddly two-thirds YOUR house when it comes to repairs and maintenance needing to be paid, maybe even regular bills if he can't/won't pay them.

It's very sad that your DF couldn't have seen (or just wilfully ignored) what was coming, as it must have been clear as day. Even if your DB had been an only child, making inheriting the house infinitely more straightforward, he still has to pay the bills with no money to do so. Why do people do this? It's absolutely NOT a kindness to deliberately leave your children up the creek without a paddle when you die. Even in cases where the children have severe disabilities or other needs which mean they can never live independently, you still have to make plans as to what will happen for them once you are gone.

As to the probate, I don't see how he thinks he can just indefinitely delay it, as it's a legal requirement - and the taxman will want to know if any tax is due ASAP. If somebody's estate is liable for probate - as is usually the case when the second of a couple who own(ed) property dies - it's not optional.

It's absolutely bonkers, the idea that you've had no alternative but to be renting, on a low wage and, with the sad loss of a parent, have now finally been given the amazing financial opportunity to significantly improve your lot for the rest of your life... except you quite probably can't do a single thing to enjoy it until you have either died yourself or are in your very final few years.

I'd understand your selfish brother's attitude a lot more if you and your sister were multi-millionaires, whilst his situation were as it is now, and he figured (still without any legal or moral justification) that you had no need whatsoever of the money that you would get from him losing his home - but nothing could be further from the truth.

thank you for the lovely message.
I didn´t know this about probate...I´ve read so much about the 1 year rule not actually meaning anything, and that it can legally go on for years...
yes, I also find it irresponsible and almost cruel of my Dad to leave things like this...it´s absolutley not helping or indeed raising my younger brother.

thank you!!! yes, I couldn´t agree more!!!

Be careful op - it's all well and good not fighting for your share but a few years down the line and the house is needing costly repairs.... Will you be 1/3 responsible for them? If you aren't going to fight maybe sign your share away?

You're being far too nice towards your brother but I'm afraid he's not treating you very nicely. He's mugging you off, OP. Get to a solicitor and start taking action to get your cash. That's what I would do.

This thread was started well over a year ago, hopefully its sorted now.

Not according to the OP who replied up thread.

G

I agree.
After my parents died I realised how badly my brother was bullying them because they had gone to great lengths to cover up for him.
Once they were gone he replaced my as his narcissistic supply until I gave him a red card.
The secrets and the lies he had generated were ridiculous!

So sorry to hear your story, and loss, sadly this is so common with unmarried, often those identifying as male, living virtually rent free ruling the roost roles reverse emotionally but not financially interestingly enough with older parents - my situation was similar and after 2.5 years of being patient and kind I started to feel so sad that I was not being treated fairly - my parents absolute wish would have been absolute fairness equality . I saw a solicitor, asked neighbour if they wanted to buy my share and started charging rent as yes blimey I actually owned this!! - my parents did them no favours buying and paying for everything as they grew up constant paying all bills and cash here and there - I pursued my case as have respect for my parents and finally, finally myself respect that they taught me to own and fight for - it’s hard as they would be mortified - I could only visit alone in the property after they died when they were away - as a result, my so called extended family have taken their side I.e poor thing alone not married no children forced out of his home no actually my parents home - injustice and unfairness - being kind did not work and showed true colours and sadly lost most of my family as a result of this prob because shared another property seemed settled etc etc but 4 years later horrendous accident so needed the income to move - man plans and god laughs - tread carefully and choose your battles and good legal counsel - probate issue first, remove as executor, inheritance tax 325 threshold , offer share to sister other family? Rent - moving in is unrealistic and can’t believe some on here would really have the bullocks to do that irl as so hard when your actual real life story/experience- hope these reflections help -be kind to you and put you first maybe it’s so so traumatic you deserve a good life too remember

My mother literally signed her new will yesterday giving my sister a lifetime interest in the house. Sister has lived with mum for the past 25 years or so, pretty much rent free. She has a job, is fully functioning, just found it easier to move back home. She's the eldest but there's only 4 years between the 3 of us so likely to have similar life expectancy. So my brother and I are effectively written out of the will. I'm still processing this information.

Having read this thread I'm now worried I'll be liable for a third of any costs if work needs doing on the house once mum's gone (she's 91 now!). Also wondering if my brother and I should expect our sister to pay rent - at least then any rental money could go towards maintenance costs. I'd sign my share over to avoid incurring any costs but I do have DC so one day they'd hopefully inherit my share. I don't think my mother has thought this through.