Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Anyone had the inheritance tax talk with a parent?

175 replies

TimeFlying · 03/04/2023 22:48

Who although understands about the tax the gov will collect, equally seems reluctant to deal with it?

My DF has been ‘careful’ with his money all his life. He’s isn’t naturally generous
Now he’s in his 90’s and is going to be over the IHT threshold. So he’s worrying about money but doing nowt about it.
I’ve listened to him and outlined his options including giving it to a charity. I’m the only person left in his immediate family.
he just doesn’t react or engage even tho he’s worried. I’m being as a patient as I can muster but I fear the gov is going to get a chunk of money which I and my family could really use right now.

i just needed to offload. I know I can’t change the person; I realise it’s his money. It’s frustrating that he just wont give anything away and never has.

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 17:14

You may need to meet my mother, @SirTarquin .

I do all you say out of a wish for her to be happy, or at least less miserable. I
have gone over and above the call of duty. I make myself ill reaching what she considers to be the minimum standard of care. She comes to us at Christmas and is well fed and spoiled, as are other family members- as they should be.

In return we get second hand presents.
If I go to her I have to shop on the way because she simply doesn't provide any food.
She arranges to meet her GC, then wants a meal out or icecream she expects them to pay for. She complains I don't take her to various events that I can't afford to go to.
Complained when I invited her to come on holiday with us (at her own expense) because it was the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong way...
She wants to go to a place I can't afford, at a time I don't want to go because I won't be able to enjoy it.

She reduces me to tears every other visit with her accusations of me being an unloving daughter.

She's going way over the i hesitance tax allowance, she owns multiple properties and has enough cash in the bank to buy my house.
I'm expected to spend my holidays doing her cleaning and tidying because she doesn't want to pay anyone to do it.

Perhaps you needed to read the first comment as well? I'm sure your DC won't speak of you as I speak of mine- assuming you don't behave like mine.

Liorae · 04/04/2023 17:45

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 13:16

It's tricky. I keep telling DM that anything she spends comes with an automatic 30% discount, as she'll be over the IHT threshold.

My frustration isn't that she's going to be paying tax, but that she's so tight she squeaks. We spend a significant amount of time and money keeping her afloat, while she saves every penny possible.

She lets her GC buy her ice creams, and gives them secondhand unsuitable presents.

It's the preference for paying inheritance tax above being minimally generous to her kids and GC.

Are the grandkids in question adults?

WalkLong · 04/04/2023 17:47

Why do you need a "talk"?

Most people will only pay inheritance tax I estates over £2m, assuming gpropeety being left to DC and that there was a predeceased spouse (no tax between spouses). If I leave £2m there should be some tax paid IMO, especially if your alternative is to leave it to charity. I'd rather it went to support the country than most charities.

SheilaFentiman · 04/04/2023 17:58

Estates over £1m on the second spouse’s death, not £2m

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 17:58

They are now, @Liorae , but they weren't necessarily at the time. Then they were students, now young adults with big student loans and rent to pay. Unlike her.

This is a diversion.
I'm just saying that like the OP's relative she'd prefer to pay a hearty IHT than be generous or even pay her own way with her younger relatives. Her estate will pay a hefty whack of inheritance tax, so anything gives gives away or spends in the meantime is effectively worth an extra 30% (ish, maths allowing).

If you have an estate that will be incurring an extra -additional- whack of tax on your death, surely you'd be better to enjoy it now as we regularly suggest to her, or help out your GDC?

WalkLong · 04/04/2023 18:03

SheilaFentiman · 04/04/2023 17:58

Estates over £1m on the second spouse’s death, not £2m

Yes, sorry it is, but the same principle applies. My Dad is very concerned about inheritance tax. I've told him to spend it, but if the estate is £1m+ I'm very happy that some tax will be paid on it and we'll make our contribution to society.

Twiglets1 · 04/04/2023 18:57

WalkLong · 04/04/2023 18:03

Yes, sorry it is, but the same principle applies. My Dad is very concerned about inheritance tax. I've told him to spend it, but if the estate is £1m+ I'm very happy that some tax will be paid on it and we'll make our contribution to society.

Show quote history

Of course some tax will be paid on it. Even with Capital Gains Tax (which is at a lower rate) you pay a minimum of 18% or 28% depending on your personal circumstances.

bellac11 · 04/04/2023 19:13

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 14:44

It's things like petrol to visit her (3 hours away), paying for her when we go out, giving her generous presents at Christmas, all her low energy lightbulbs as she was on the old kind...

Just things we end up doing for her which we don't begrudge much but which and up costing money and even more so time.

Life is more expensive with her around than not.

She's very dependent and averse to paying her way in an old fashioned way. She never took her purse out when DF was alive. She just expects someone else to cover it.

We've tried nudging her, but she's just a difficult woman!

Show quote history

Petrol to visit her, taking her out and xmas presents??

Are you for real?

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 19:21

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 17:14

You may need to meet my mother, @SirTarquin .

I do all you say out of a wish for her to be happy, or at least less miserable. I
have gone over and above the call of duty. I make myself ill reaching what she considers to be the minimum standard of care. She comes to us at Christmas and is well fed and spoiled, as are other family members- as they should be.

In return we get second hand presents.
If I go to her I have to shop on the way because she simply doesn't provide any food.
She arranges to meet her GC, then wants a meal out or icecream she expects them to pay for. She complains I don't take her to various events that I can't afford to go to.
Complained when I invited her to come on holiday with us (at her own expense) because it was the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong way...
She wants to go to a place I can't afford, at a time I don't want to go because I won't be able to enjoy it.

She reduces me to tears every other visit with her accusations of me being an unloving daughter.

She's going way over the i hesitance tax allowance, she owns multiple properties and has enough cash in the bank to buy my house.
I'm expected to spend my holidays doing her cleaning and tidying because she doesn't want to pay anyone to do it.

Perhaps you needed to read the first comment as well? I'm sure your DC won't speak of you as I speak of mine- assuming you don't behave like mine.

@bellac11

When it costs me £70 to visit her, pay for our food while I'm there, and get a complaint rather than a thank you? Yes, I begrudge it.

Her income is bigger than mine or my DCs, without working. She'll have a significant IH bill.
She begrudges us food when we visit, and presents on special occasions.

She eats drinks our special stuff at Christmas, but keeps hers in her room to eat alone, takes her alcohol home.

Does no one ever consider context anymore?

CaptionChaos · 04/04/2023 19:26

I get it @pickledandpuzzled my mum likes to be 'treated' it's like she's living in a Doris Day musical. Nothing in her handbag except a powder compact.
My mil has a different approach, she's allowed nice things but anyone younger is being extravagant. When my bil walked out on his kids she was furious that his ex ended up with a house with a new kitchen and bathroom when she could have made do ( we're all knocking 50). Luckily my in-laws are immortal, so no iht planning or big gifts just a mess of tricky to sell previous inheritance.

Chippy1234 · 04/04/2023 19:27

Pickled. I just wouldn’t put up with that sort of selfish, it’s all about me getting what I can from my family.

bellac11 · 04/04/2023 19:31

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 19:21

@bellac11

When it costs me £70 to visit her, pay for our food while I'm there, and get a complaint rather than a thank you? Yes, I begrudge it.

Her income is bigger than mine or my DCs, without working. She'll have a significant IH bill.
She begrudges us food when we visit, and presents on special occasions.

She eats drinks our special stuff at Christmas, but keeps hers in her room to eat alone, takes her alcohol home.

Does no one ever consider context anymore?

Show quote history

Well the post you wrote was in answer to someone essentially asking why you sub her but your examples were normal expenditure that takes place for anyone that you would visit/buy presents for and I responded to that post, there wasnt any context at that point

But I suppose your example is very different to whats being raised on here anyway.

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 19:34

It's a wealthy person being reluctant to spend their money, much of which will eventually go on tax.
Same thing.

bellac11 · 04/04/2023 19:36

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 19:34

It's a wealthy person being reluctant to spend their money, much of which will eventually go on tax.
Same thing.

Well she will finally contribute to society then by the sounds of it.

And its not 'much of it' the vast majority of an estate passed to an offspring wont go on tax. Assuming she doesnt need care of course.

Myneighbourskia · 04/04/2023 19:46

@pickledandpuzzled I wouldn't put up with that. My dad is the same. Tight and a pain in the arse. He is very wealthy but gave me virtually nothing for my birthday. He's asked for 500 pounds from me for his? I say no and I'm as low contact with him as I can get away with. He's going to have a new grandchild in 8 weeks and won't even buy a present. I certainly wouldn't be running around after her if she's like that with you.

Twiglets1 · 04/04/2023 19:46

bellac11 · 04/04/2023 19:36

Well she will finally contribute to society then by the sounds of it.

And its not 'much of it' the vast majority of an estate passed to an offspring wont go on tax. Assuming she doesnt need care of course.

Show quote history

Standard inheritance tax is 40% so it is a very significant amount

WalkLong · 04/04/2023 19:49

Twiglets1 · 04/04/2023 19:46

Standard inheritance tax is 40% so it is a very significant amount

Show quote history

Only on anything over £1m for most people

WeWereInParis · 04/04/2023 19:49

Standard inheritance tax is 40% so it is a very significant amount

Only 40% of the amount above the fairly high threshold

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 20:05

This is what is being discussed though.
Effectively everything saved above that amount is worth 40% more spent.

People saving more than that, while being stingy on their own daily expenses, are doing themselves and their loved ones down in favour of paying tax- on money they've already paid tax on once.

Twiglets1 · 04/04/2023 20:05

WalkLong · 04/04/2023 19:49

Only on anything over £1m for most people

Show quote history

Assets over 325k attract inheritance tax at 40%

WalkLong · 04/04/2023 20:07

Twiglets1 · 04/04/2023 20:05

Assets over 325k attract inheritance tax at 40%

Show quote history

Yes but that's increased to £1m if you're leaving property to children and have a predeceased spouse. (No tax if leaving it to a living spouse(.

FiledAwayInABox · 05/04/2023 01:07

WeWereInParis · 04/04/2023 19:49

Standard inheritance tax is 40% so it is a very significant amount

Only 40% of the amount above the fairly high threshold

It is for now but who know what will happen in the future.

As it is the threshold for paying inheritance is staying fixed until 2028 so more and more estates will be liable.

massivenamechnage · 05/04/2023 01:13

FiledAwayInABox · 05/04/2023 01:07

It is for now but who know what will happen in the future.

As it is the threshold for paying inheritance is staying fixed until 2028 so more and more estates will be liable.

Show quote history

Not sure about that
house prices falling and carr costs increasing would indicate the opposite

Twiglets1 · 05/04/2023 07:47

The rules around inheritance tax are quite complex, as are peoples individual circumstances. This is a good general guide but anyone involved in ITP should seek their own professional advice

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/inheritance-tax-planning-iht/#:~:text=In%20the%20current%20tax%20year,such%20as%20children%20or%20grandchildren.

SheilaFentiman · 05/04/2023 07:52

Whilst there are care costs not linked to care homes, only 15% of the population over 85 is in a care home. There will still be lots of people who die without significant care costs.