Anyone had the inheritance tax talk with a parent?

[TimeFlying]

Who although understands about the tax the gov will collect, equally seems reluctant to deal with it?

My DF has been ‘careful’ with his money all his life. He’s isn’t naturally generous
Now he’s in his 90’s and is going to be over the IHT threshold. So he’s worrying about money but doing nowt about it.
I’ve listened to him and outlined his options including giving it to a charity. I’m the only person left in his immediate family.
he just doesn’t react or engage even tho he’s worried. I’m being as a patient as I can muster but I fear the gov is going to get a chunk of money which I and my family could really use right now.

i just needed to offload. I know I can’t change the person; I realise it’s his money. It’s frustrating that he just wont give anything away and never has.

My parents were generous enough to share any surplus cash they had whilst my brother and I needed it - not desperately - we would have coped, but their gifts at certain times certainly made life easier.

But they were always very open with us and discussed their finances, plans and intentions, and trusted us completely.

I feel really sad for families who can't openly talk about these things - that's how misunderstandings arise.

Thank you all.

please be assured I’m not directing him. He wanted to talk about it. But then stalls at the point of actually giving any. And I mean any. so even the discussions about the tax-rxempt £3k are met with silence.

i realise it’s a personal frustration thing borne out of an absence of generosity over the years.

He could give it to charity if he wants and we’ve discussed that. But even a charity wont benefit fully if he doesn’t get on and make arrangements.
thanks

As the law currently stands we will pay a good amount of IHT when we die. We have planned ahead and have helped our kids buy houses etc and we continue to give them monthly 'allowances'.This is a legal way of giving money to avoid IHT as long as you abide to certain requirements. We are also generous with buying holidays and cars etc.

We earned all of our own money and haven't particularly benefitted from house price increases.

We have almost always paid higher or highest rates of tax

While I agree with inheritance tax, it does seem a bit rough that our estate will be effectively taxed twice. As we get older we will try and spend or give away as much as we can. We will have to see what changes will be made to the legislation over the years.

The fact that King Charles has decided not to volunteer to pay IHT on The Queens estate shows what a selfish and greedy man he is.

The number of estates that will have to pay IHT is increasing year on year. There will be more and more people complaining about it.

Aren't you worried that they will become just overgrown children.

Paying an allowance??? Buying them cars, funding holidays? I had no idea that people lived like this.

Gifts to charities are exempt from IHT whenever they are made.

But if you think it's unfair for you to have to pay tax twice, and you're doing your best to give away as much as you can before you die in order to minimise this, why do you think it's selfish and greedy for Charles to opt out of paying.

I mean, I agree with you, it is selfish and greedy. But it sounds like you would do the same if you had that option? Or have I misunderstood?

It's a bit confusing as you've said that you do agree with inheritance tax but you also say that it's rough to be taxed twice and you seem eager to give your kids as much as possible now so that you don't pay as much inheritance tax when you die. So I don't really know if you agree with it for other people but not for yourself, or what?!

It's tricky. I keep telling DM that anything she spends comes with an automatic 30% discount, as she'll be over the IHT threshold.

My frustration isn't that she's going to be paying tax, but that she's so tight she squeaks. We spend a significant amount of time and money keeping her afloat, while she saves every penny possible.

She lets her GC buy her ice creams, and gives them secondhand unsuitable presents.

It's the preference for paying inheritance tax above being minimally generous to her kids and GC.

£1.2 million in care bills later i wouldnt get overly worked up about avoiding a bit of tax

Yep. My mum was obsessive about inheritance tax. Then had a stroke and all her savings and two houses later, the council has had to take over the cost and she has about £4k to her name. Probably not enough to pay for her funeral. 14 years in a care facility will eat through everything you have in no time at all..

I don't see inheritance tax as my problem .
What comes after this is paid is a bonus but I'm not banking on anything .

Elderly mother with around £1m estate so probably well over the threshold .

It is your problem if there isn't enough cash to cover it.

It's a pain in the posterior sorting that out.

Not if she was widowed as that carries forward so a million

He absolutely wasn’t that person. That’s why it was incomprehensible. There’s no way he wanted his money that he made in business and his late wife’s money that she inherited from her businessman father to go to the state. No way. He spent his whole life railing against governments and taxes, he was staunchly right wing. Nope. Incomprehensible to those that knew him.

I don't understand the mentality of parents who don't want to make their DCs lives easier financially, if they are able to.

I will certainly help my adult DCs if we are in a position to. My in laws paid off our mortgage in our 40s with an inheritance. They are very generous and say it gives them pleasure to be alive and see us enjoy their gifts, rather than waiting until they die.

Maybe he suddenly found a social conscience in his old age and didn't tell anyone? Or maybe he was just in denial about death and never got round to it? Some people don't like to think about that kind of thing.

My divorced parents are getting remarried for IHT! I fell about laughing.

To be fair they have been back together (but live apart) longer than they were married but they are both individually over the threshold so want to minimise it. Dad had a recent serious health issue so that prompted action.

They have allocated a good chunk for care but still have another £1m+ between them including property. Baby boomers.

I’d happily give it all away to have them here longer though.

I would absolutely want to make my dd's life easier if she was struggling in any way.

I would feel no need to add to her wealth if she was already comfortable, and I would rather any surplus went towards people who actually needed it.

Money doesn't make people happier beyond a certain point, so I would see no benefit in making dd richer if she was already living a comfortable life. Of course, if you have less than you need, it can have a huge impact on your wellbeing, but over and above a certain level, it really doesn't add that much. I haven't raised my dd to be greedy or materialistic, so I hope that she will seek her happiness from things other than accumulating more and more wealth.

I think it’s very easy to assume that you’ll feel the same at 90 as you do at 30 (or whatever) but for a lot of people this isn’t the case. Decisions about money are tied up with fears about death. Plus older people can end up feeling very anxious about poverty even when they have no need to be.

Of course we all hope we’ll be sensible, generous etc (in a way which also fits with our morale around paying tax) and that we’ll make out children’s lives easier with our good decision-making. In reality, some of us will be anxious, mean, confused, scared. I’m not sure whether there’s anything you can do to make sure you’re in the first group and not the second.

@Sceptic1234

Our kids are all adults and all work hard in good jobs. Doctor, Uni lecturer, Accountant, and the lady one is in Finance too. They are great kids and nice, responsible members of society. I'm not worried about them. They went to the local comprehensive and sixth form. You would have no idea if they had family money if you met them but I know having financial stability when they are young is a massive thing to them. They know they are very, very lucky.

They've also been lucky in that they are all academic and healthy. 💁🏻‍♀️

It gives me and my husband a lot of pleasure to give them money. Its fun. We get to see them enjoy themselves and we get to do fun things with them. We've always been careful to let our kids be responsible for their own choices in their lives and we have been careful to make sure that any money we have given them is done with no conditions whatsoever. I've read enough Mumsnet to know that money can cause problems.

We did wonder what would happen if one or more of our kids turned out to be entitled or spoilt but they haven't so we didn't need to worry.

My late dm sorted out her affairs about 20 year before passing away so reduced the iht bill, she saw her older sister die and most of it go in taxes etc. we ended up paying just a few thousand, its wise to sort things early, not greedy unless you like the govt taking a big chunk.

That should say "last one" not lady one 😂

I have to say I agree with this! My MIL has gifted her three DC each a quarter share of her house several years ago, she still owns the final quarter. She has done this so they will avoid IHT on most of the property when the time comes... I have no idea about the finer details but it's all legit and sighted off with her solicitor. When the time comes this money will make a huge difference to us and our DC.

But at the end of the day it's ultimately your dad's decision OP and while it may seem unfair there's not a lot you can do really. Maybe he was keeping the money in case he needed residential care at some point? My DM is leaving a bigger share of her house to one of my siblings who is single, and although earns a lot more than me or the other sibling, is only very recently on the property ladder. While I don't 100% agree with this, myself and the other sibling are of the view that it's really her decision and no one else's how she chooses to leave her assets. Actually what I would love to see her do is sell the big house, get a much smaller one and blow the profits on hols for the rest of her life - she more than deserves it.. but not what she wants, so fair enough!

I think the important thing in both of our families is that the difficult conversations have been had, and everyone is very clear on what will happen so there are no surprises. I see far too many threads on here where that never happened.

Our parents had the conversation with us rather than the other way round, and also shared the advice that they had received with DP and his parents.

I wouldn't have wanted to instigate the conversation but Dad used to love talking about death 🙄

I meant *without taxes removed.

My frustration isn't that she's going to be paying tax, but that she's so tight she squeaks. We spend a significant amount of time and money keeping her afloat, while she saves every penny possible.

Why would you spend money keeping her afloat if she has money herself?