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Original poster

Cohabitation agreement

90 replies

beekindx · 23/12/2022 09:11

I've name changed for this thread.
I currently live with my partner of almost 4 years in rented accommodation. We both have children from previous relationships, mine live with us and his come for contact regularly- ish. We are not married but he wants to get married in the next year or so.
I work full- time but on maternity leave, he works part time.
He has £18,000 of debt via credit cards and I have no debt.
He has no savings and I have £15000 of saving as a house deposit to buy. I have had these saving since before we met.
I want to buy in the next few years and saw my solicitor this week for a separate matter and asked her where I stand if we were to divorce. She said do not marry him if I want to protect my assets ( house, savings, pension and life insurance). She also suggested I obtain a cohabitation agreement prior to buying a house to ring fence my assets from him making a claim on them.
I talked to him about it a few days ago and he is really pissed off.
I feel awful but want to protect what I have worked hard for for my kids. He says I don't trust him and that I am not committed fully to our relationship by asking for it.
What do you guys think? I'm inclined to take the solicitors advice and get an agreement drawn up for him to take to a solicitors himself and get signed before I buy a home. And prepare to be on my own should he leave.
I just feel so crap right now.

OP posts:
Brahumbug · 24/12/2022 07:44

As you are not married, has your partner considered bankruptcy? That would clear the debt in 12 months and start afresh with a clean slate.

Original poster
beekindx · 24/12/2022 10:00

Brahumbug · 24/12/2022 07:44

As you are not married, has your partner considered bankruptcy? That would clear the debt in 12 months and start afresh with a clean slate.

He has but he's not prepared to sell/ hand over the car that he bought with the money and it's apparently worth over £4000.

OP posts:
tribpot · 24/12/2022 10:03

A lot of things he's not prepared to do in order to remedy this debt.

EL0ISE · 24/12/2022 10:17

Listen to your solicitor.

Also why do you want to buy a house with a man who has lied to you about such big issues ? Also I suspect he is still lying about paying CS in cash - why on earth would he do that and yet claim that his ex lies about the number of nights?

and he’s also lying about the CMS needing a court order. Why cant he just give them the dates that he's had the children over the last few months. He can just update his case online. Ask him to show you his case and his updates on the website.

FlamingJingleBells · 24/12/2022 10:23

purpledalmation · 23/12/2022 12:01

This is incorrect. Regardless of what's in a will or ring fenced, a husband can not be left homeless and would be given by a court, a home similar to what he lived in with the deceased.

Ring fencing would only work with divorce.

You can't disinherit your husband or wife even if you've paid for everything.

Basically marriage gives rights. In this case don't marry!

Show quote history

@purpledalmation No, she's not disinheriting her husband because he will get his share of the property.

My dh and I bought our house as tenants in Common and had a life interest will drawn up. We've each gifted our share (50%) of the house directly to our children. Our solicitor included a clause in the will which allows the surviving spouse to stay in the house until death or remarriage. When the surving spouse dies, their 50% of the house goes directly to the children.

There are many types of wills and it's worth researching and finding a solicitor who will help protect your children's future assets.

FlamingJingleBells · 24/12/2022 10:27

Buying a property as tenants in common allows you to leave your half of the property to whoever you want. It doesn't necessarily have to be your spouse or civil partner.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 24/12/2022 11:18

Do not marry him.. I wouldn't advise buying a house if he's 15k in debt either

ChocHotolate · 24/12/2022 11:27

I think you sound sensible and savvy, OP. You have listened to legal advice and are keen to protect your assets for your kids

Original poster
beekindx · 24/12/2022 12:54

I'm going to see the solicitor in the new year to draw up a cohabitation agreement and will buy on my own. I've been advised that I will need to cover the full cost of the mortgage so he doesn't have a claim on the house. I will just ask him to contribute to the bills as a % based on my salary being larger than his. So he will possibly pay 40% and I'll pay 60% to make it fair.
Then he will have the rest of his salary to cover his own expenses such as his car/phone etc and I will have mine to save a bit more and get the kids the stuff they need.

OP posts:
Original poster
beekindx · 24/12/2022 12:56

He also will have more disposable income to increase repayments on his debts and then I would be willing to look at in again in a couple of years based on what he has committed to pay off.

OP posts:
EL0ISE · 24/12/2022 13:02

I will just ask him to contribute to the bills as a % based on my salary being larger than his. So he will possibly pay 40% and I'll pay 60% to make it fair.
Then he will have the rest of his salary to cover his own expenses such as his car/phone etc and I will have mine to save a bit more and get the kids the stuff they need

He needs to pay towards all the costs of your joint child . Esp childcare when you go back to work.

How are you going to make sure that he spends the extra money of paying off his debts ?

Again Id suggests that you look at CMS case online with him.

Original poster
beekindx · 24/12/2022 13:07

EL0ISE · 24/12/2022 13:02

I will just ask him to contribute to the bills as a % based on my salary being larger than his. So he will possibly pay 40% and I'll pay 60% to make it fair.
Then he will have the rest of his salary to cover his own expenses such as his car/phone etc and I will have mine to save a bit more and get the kids the stuff they need

He needs to pay towards all the costs of your joint child . Esp childcare when you go back to work.

How are you going to make sure that he spends the extra money of paying off his debts ?

Again Id suggests that you look at CMS case online with him.

I don't know how I will guarantee that he will clear his debts but at least I'm giving him a chance before just leaving him. I need to at least give him that.

OP posts:
tribpot · 24/12/2022 14:02

I think the CMS case was for his older children, not the baby! However, I agree with @EL0ISE , it shouldn't be a case of him contributing to bills only and then the rest of his salary is for him to spend (or, optimistically, use to pay down his debt), whilst yours covers bills + mortgage + all costs for the baby. He should be making a contribution to the costs of the baby.

SueVineer · 02/08/2023 20:21

purpledalmation · 23/12/2022 12:01

This is incorrect. Regardless of what's in a will or ring fenced, a husband can not be left homeless and would be given by a court, a home similar to what he lived in with the deceased.

Ring fencing would only work with divorce.

You can't disinherit your husband or wife even if you've paid for everything.

Basically marriage gives rights. In this case don't marry!

Show quote history

This is incorrect. You can leave your property to anyone you like. A husband may have a case to challenge a will if he is dependent but any challenge won’t necessarily be successful

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