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Original poster

Do you have a secret bank account?

103 replies

Soffana · 26/10/2022 11:27

That no one knows about?

Either you husband/partner?

Or perhaps you have more money than you let others to believe?

OP posts:
holrosea · 27/10/2022 11:05

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 12:17

@TiddleyWink yes, the account is my emergency fund, once I have a certain amount to furnish a house then I'll be able to go. He doesn't withhold money as such, it's just he doesn't provide financial security as a family unit, having been a stay at home mum previously, he feels I haven't contributed financially and therefore do not deserve to be financially equal. Which in a way, is true. He's always been against marriage to protect his assets which is understandable but at the same time, this puts me in a vulnerable position as I am the main carer of our 2 kids, should he want to leave the relationship then I'm on my arse. So yes, it's emergency fund to get myself and kids sorted and more independent.

@feelthefreedom Sorry - just jumping in here to say you absolutely HAVE contributed financially - as if that is the only way to contribute to a partnership?? - but had you not been a SAHP providing 24/7 wrap around child care he would have been paying someone to do that.

Being a SAHP is work, it is financially valuable, professionals are paid to provide childcare so what he is saying is a crock of sh*t.

Apologies, I am mad on your behalf.

BlueJellycat · 27/10/2022 11:08

Yes. Opened it when dh revealed his credit card debt and got a dmp.

FindingMeno · 27/10/2022 11:12

I learnt right here, on mumsnet, that an emergency fund is a good idea.

Whatsleftnow · 27/10/2022 11:12

Yes I do. I think it’s sensible to have the means to get away and safeguard the dc if something bad happened.

I read on here all the time about loving husbands whose heads are turned, and become awful to their families. I don’t expect dh to do that, but I’m not going to put my head in the sand.

As a couple we’ve also made provisions for emergency access to money if the main account were frozen after a death for instance.

FloydPepper · 27/10/2022 11:13

Kabbalah · 26/10/2022 11:30

That's the very definition of a, "Red Flag".

Only if a man does it

a woman is being sensible

madnesss · 27/10/2022 11:17

I learnt right here, on mumsnet, that an emergency fund is a good idea.

It is, but I don't see why anyone thinks it needs to be a secret. I have plenty money I can use as an emergency fund. DH has no access to it but he knows it exists.

Whippet · 27/10/2022 11:17

Not deliberately kept secret, but I have numerous savings and investments which DH doesn't have exact details about. Quite large amounts. Been married 25 years but we run our personal finances separately. This is partly because we've both had our own businesses etc in the past.

We have a joint account and shared credit card for day to day expenses though.

LindaEllen · 27/10/2022 11:47

We have no secret accounts (I suppose if it was a 'secret' I wouldn't know if DP had one or not though!) but I have a full premium bonds account and he has 1.5 bitcoin plus a few other bits of crypto. We have joint savings/current accounts too.

WeeOrcadian · 27/10/2022 11:49

Yes. There isn't much in there but I do have a bit. Fun money / rainy day money

FloydPepper · 27/10/2022 12:30

To those people with a secret account

would you declare it if you divorced?
would you be ok if your husband didn’t declare all his assets if you divorced?

holrosea · 27/10/2022 12:39

@FloydPepper Where I live, one can separate personal and marital assets. Anything a person owns before marriage remains a personal asset, anything acquired during the marriage is joint.

I believe in the case of a UK divorce, one is obliged to declare all of their assets. Any suspicious partner can request that the solicitor check and even obtain a court order to force the other to declare anything and everything in their name, so it's a moot point.

MarigoldPetals · 27/10/2022 12:42

No

Ineedwinenow · 27/10/2022 13:04

I have around 5k in savings and a couple of investments that my hubby knows about but I would keep if we divorced as I would need it to help me start again! It’s slowly going up but it’s taking a while 😆

how much do you all have in the secret accounts ? And how much do you add to it a month? would you mind sharing this info as I can’t decide if to keep adding to my personal savings or chuck it in the joint savings fund for emergencies

shivawn · 27/10/2022 15:27

No. All joint finances here so both of our wages and outgoings come from the one account and it's all our money. Has been that way for over 13 years although we've only been married for 3 years.

XAQ · 27/10/2022 16:51

FloydPepper · 27/10/2022 12:30

To those people with a secret account

would you declare it if you divorced?
would you be ok if your husband didn’t declare all his assets if you divorced?

Never married him. I always had higher earning potential.

Bloody gald I didn't.

gwenneh · 27/10/2022 16:52

No.

I have accounts that aren't linked to the joint account, but they aren't secrets.

DeireadhFomhair · 27/10/2022 18:00

FloydPepper · 27/10/2022 12:30

To those people with a secret account

would you declare it if you divorced?
would you be ok if your husband didn’t declare all his assets if you divorced?

Yes, I would. Because I'm a rule follower, and it's the right thing to do. However, I would hate handing it over. It's money I'm putting away for our children's future, because he spends every penny in his pocket.

MintJulia · 27/10/2022 18:12

No. Being single, I don't need to. My house and money are mine, no one else has any claim at all.

It's brilliant 😊

ememem84 · 27/10/2022 18:13

Yes. Absolutely.

soberfabulous · 28/10/2022 16:58

Hell yes. I've seen enough relationships fail and women be screwed over to know that this is a very sensible idea.

OdkinsBodkins · 28/10/2022 22:50

and tells me if we ever split up me and our children leave with nothing other than the clothes on our backs and you're with this man because... ?

OdkinsBodkins · 28/10/2022 22:59

having been a stay at home mum previously, he feels I haven't contributed financially and therefore do not deserve to be financially equal.

What a pig.

Which in a way, is true.

As another said, it's very much not true.

He's always been against marriage to protect his assets which is understandable but at the same time

How convenient for him while you risk your health giving birth to his children and then provide free childcare for these children and whatever other household tasks, without getting the old-fashioned recompense in terms of financial security. Via marriage which isn't without its flaws as a strategy but it's a start. Or a civil partnership.

this puts me in a vulnerable position

Indeed. This being his strategy. And that of many men alas.

as I am the main carer of our 2 kids

See above.

should he want to leave the relationship then I'm on my arse.

Leave first. On your own terms. When you are ready. Get ready.

J0CASTA · 28/10/2022 23:13

Of course there’s a difference between men and women. Haven’t you noticed ?

Women earn less.
Women take maternity leave.
Women are usually the ones going part time.
Women do the most childcare and domestic labour.
Women are more likely to be the victims of domestic abuse.
Women are nearly always the one left holding the baby when the relationship splits up.
Women usually have lower savings and smaller pensions.
Women generally use their savings to keep a roof over their kids heads, not to drink / gamble/ OW.

So yes women need a fuck off fund far more than men do.

FloydPepper · 30/10/2022 14:41

J0CASTA · 28/10/2022 23:13

Of course there’s a difference between men and women. Haven’t you noticed ?

Women earn less.
Women take maternity leave.
Women are usually the ones going part time.
Women do the most childcare and domestic labour.
Women are more likely to be the victims of domestic abuse.
Women are nearly always the one left holding the baby when the relationship splits up.
Women usually have lower savings and smaller pensions.
Women generally use their savings to keep a roof over their kids heads, not to drink / gamble/ OW.

So yes women need a fuck off fund far more than men do.

You last point gives you away
i see you

KangarooKenny · 30/10/2022 15:21

Yes. And I think I’m going to need it.