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Original poster

Do you have a secret bank account?

103 replies

Soffana · 26/10/2022 11:27

That no one knows about?

Either you husband/partner?

Or perhaps you have more money than you let others to believe?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 26/10/2022 12:08

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 11:42

I do, it has a couple of grand in that he doesn't know about. However, in my defence, we are not married, don't do joint finances, he earns triple the amount I do, owns 5 properties, and tells me if we ever split up me and our children leave with nothing other than the clothes on our backs. So I need some sort of safety blanket should he ever decide it's over.

What an absolute knob he is. You can do better.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 26/10/2022 12:09

I have some cash stashed. After previously being financially abused it helps me sleep at night. Dh knows I have some but doesn't know how much. We have separate finances anyway..

RandomCatGenerator · 26/10/2022 12:09

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 11:42

I do, it has a couple of grand in that he doesn't know about. However, in my defence, we are not married, don't do joint finances, he earns triple the amount I do, owns 5 properties, and tells me if we ever split up me and our children leave with nothing other than the clothes on our backs. So I need some sort of safety blanket should he ever decide it's over.

Why are you with this person, he sounds terrible?

TiddleyWink · 26/10/2022 12:10

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 11:42

I do, it has a couple of grand in that he doesn't know about. However, in my defence, we are not married, don't do joint finances, he earns triple the amount I do, owns 5 properties, and tells me if we ever split up me and our children leave with nothing other than the clothes on our backs. So I need some sort of safety blanket should he ever decide it's over.

This is awful, please tell me you’re actively making plans to leave this ‘man’? Beyond saving in case he decides to dump you? This sounds like he is abusive and I don’t use that term as lightly as some on here. He would literally throw his own children out without any of their stuff??? Please get them away from that monster 😔

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 12:17

@TiddleyWink yes, the account is my emergency fund, once I have a certain amount to furnish a house then I'll be able to go. He doesn't withhold money as such, it's just he doesn't provide financial security as a family unit, having been a stay at home mum previously, he feels I haven't contributed financially and therefore do not deserve to be financially equal. Which in a way, is true. He's always been against marriage to protect his assets which is understandable but at the same time, this puts me in a vulnerable position as I am the main carer of our 2 kids, should he want to leave the relationship then I'm on my arse. So yes, it's emergency fund to get myself and kids sorted and more independent.

Divebar2021 · 26/10/2022 12:17

The question presumes that all the other finances are shared. My DH and I only have one joint account and a credit card. All our other accounts are individual. I vaguely know what he has and I imagine he vaguely knows what I have but we don’t have exact bank details or quantities. I probably have enough of my own money to survive for a couple of months without having to access the joint funds.

LondonQueen · 26/10/2022 12:30

No, and if I found that DH had been hiding money from me I'd probably divorce him, a major red flag.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 26/10/2022 12:36

DH knows I have a savings account, but not how much is in there. We have equal fun money. Whether that is saved or spend is up to us individually.

Coffeaddict · 26/10/2022 13:43

PlantsAndSpaniels · 26/10/2022 12:01

No secret accounts but each have personal savings accounts as well as joint account for bills. I know I have more in my savings.

I'm the same as this

Calandor · 26/10/2022 13:53

My partner knows generally about my accounts and sort of what's in them but couldn't access them

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 26/10/2022 14:09

No. We share every last penny and have never cared who earns more (its alternated over the years) or contributes financially or not - e.g working part time for childcare. We have similar beliefs about spending and looking after the children if we ever split.

2bazookas · 26/10/2022 14:30

No

We have two shared /joint accounts; and others in our own names. Private but not secret.

Lyricallie · 26/10/2022 14:33

No, we have our own saving accounts but they are used for things together it's just easier and it's so we get better rates. We have a joint household account. Everything we have we got together as we met in uni when we both had nothing.

SunshineThelma · 26/10/2022 14:50

Double income, no kids household, mid-30s. We have separate finances apart from the mortgage, one joint current account to cover bills and a holidays/house savings pot.
We both have current accounts, credit cards, investments and savings that are separate but not secret. I'd say we have a ballpark idea of what each other has, but not precise details.

My mum instilled the importance of keeping your own finances, or a 'F-off' fund in case of emergencies. I don't specifically have (or need) one, but my savings are my own.

Realityloom · 26/10/2022 15:07

Season0fTheWitch · 26/10/2022 11:31

I have a seperate account that DH knows about. He knows how much is in it and knows it's a just in case fund. You never know what might happen. He doesn't have one but he's the higher earner and if anything happened his parents are well off and could support him

Good for you. It's nobody's business as long as your not short changing anybody it's entirely your business.

PinkButtercups · 26/10/2022 15:09

No. But then we don't have joint accounts either.

OhILoveDoughnuts · 26/10/2022 15:12

Yes & no. I have 3k in a separate account. I have told my partner about it, though a while ago. We're having a tough time financially at the moment. And I'm choosing not to remind him of the money. I don't want it spent unless we absolutely have no other option. Then I'll remind him.

PinkButtercups · 26/10/2022 15:12

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 12:17

@TiddleyWink yes, the account is my emergency fund, once I have a certain amount to furnish a house then I'll be able to go. He doesn't withhold money as such, it's just he doesn't provide financial security as a family unit, having been a stay at home mum previously, he feels I haven't contributed financially and therefore do not deserve to be financially equal. Which in a way, is true. He's always been against marriage to protect his assets which is understandable but at the same time, this puts me in a vulnerable position as I am the main carer of our 2 kids, should he want to leave the relationship then I'm on my arse. So yes, it's emergency fund to get myself and kids sorted and more independent.

No. He's a tosser and it's financial abuse. You don't deserve less because you carried his children and then raised them. You are equal!

Don't ever let him make you think this is normal x

badbaduncle · 26/10/2022 15:15

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 11:42

I do, it has a couple of grand in that he doesn't know about. However, in my defence, we are not married, don't do joint finances, he earns triple the amount I do, owns 5 properties, and tells me if we ever split up me and our children leave with nothing other than the clothes on our backs. So I need some sort of safety blanket should he ever decide it's over.

Leave now and get all the child support you can! Why are you with this dick?

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 15:35

@badbaduncle I'm just not in a position to leave right now. He won't pay maintenance as he gets 50% custody if I leave. I have a better job now and recently got my first wage so I'm just packing away money and doing the final stretch

Goldmember · 26/10/2022 15:40

No secret accounts but I manage all the finances and DH has little interest as long as everything is paid and our savings are growing. I/ we have various accounts and credit cards for differing reasons. I'll happily provide all balances for him.

windmill26 · 26/10/2022 15:46

feelthefreedom · 26/10/2022 11:42

I do, it has a couple of grand in that he doesn't know about. However, in my defence, we are not married, don't do joint finances, he earns triple the amount I do, owns 5 properties, and tells me if we ever split up me and our children leave with nothing other than the clothes on our backs. So I need some sort of safety blanket should he ever decide it's over.

Good grief! He is a "catch"!
Any crap like this out of my husband's mouth I will divorce him straight away and take him to the cleaners!

mydogisthebest · 26/10/2022 15:50

No. Can't see the reason to have one.

We have a joint account and all money is our money

notacooldad · 26/10/2022 15:55

I don't have a secret bank account but I do have a savings account that DH has no idea how much is in it. I deal with the majority of the money issues and we have a joint account where both our wages go into. I sort all the bills out and save like mad. If DH asked me how much we had I would tell him and he would be impressed.

notacooldad · 26/10/2022 15:58

and tells me if we ever split up me and our children leave with nothing other than the clothes on our backs
What the hell?
And people think I am old fashioned for advocating marriage when there are children!! Why would you leave yourself wide open to this?

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