Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Boyfriend stealing?!

52 replies

motheru · 09/10/2022 21:29

Ok so I have a dilemma... I have previously found out my partner was taking some money from me without my permission. I told him there won't be any more chances: we recently come back from holiday and i claimed some cash in vat returns on top of some unspent money in Euros: silly me I left all that cash laying about as i had other issues to take care of ... our 3 kids and bills . I know I put that money away in one place :.. week later I find it in another place with money missing... I haven't touched it... who did?! He said he hasn't :... am I going crazy to blame him?!

OP posts:
Begoniasforever · 09/10/2022 21:30

Well,if he’s stolen from you before. Then it’s likely he’s stealing again.

why are you with someone who robs you?

Original poster
motheru · 09/10/2022 21:34

I know... I have always been the one to give a second chance... as we all make mistakes after all... but now I am
Finding it very hard to explain the situation

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 09/10/2022 21:40

Is he gambling? Often leads to stealing money, even from their own children or their Granny!

YellowRedBlueGreen · 09/10/2022 21:40

Some things can't be forgiven OP. How could you possibly trust him? He's a thief and a liar. This is over.

Original poster
motheru · 09/10/2022 21:45

We have been together for 10 years: have 3 kids and one step child who is now 18. I found out couple years ago he been stealing from me... using my card and pin... I kicked him out... after about a month he came back with condition it never happens again.... but now this happens ... and i don't know who else to blame because I know where I put the money and I know money is missing week later ... I don't want to believe it but I am not left with much choice considering the history

OP posts:
Dragonskin · 09/10/2022 21:49

Well it's either him or one of the kids

Longdistance · 09/10/2022 21:55

Why bother? It sounds like hard work. He’s done it before. Get rid

ArcaneWireless · 09/10/2022 21:56

Someone has had it OP. And unless he has been going all Fagin with your kids, (and you haven’t had anyone else in your house) then he has probably been a bit sticky fingered again.

Not for me.

pepsirolla · 09/10/2022 22:04

You gave him a chance last time, he broke his promise to never do it again so you have every right to chuck him out for good. If you want actual proof set up a camera and cash bait.
But really think of your kids and the message they're getting it's OK to steal, then lie with no consequences LTB

Herejustforthisone · 09/10/2022 22:49

Wake up, OP. He’s a fucking miserable thief.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 09/10/2022 23:10

Stealing isn't making a mistake. It's very calculating..
Raise your bar op. Ltb.

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 09:09

Jesus, that’s not a mistake, he was deliberately robbing you and still is. Why would you stay with someone who does this to you?

ICanHideButICantRun · 10/10/2022 09:12

He's made his choice, OP. He deliberately stole from you once and wheedled his way back into your home, and now he's done it again. He's gaslighting you into thinking there's another reason for the money being moved and taken.

Out of interest, where did you find it?

washingbasketqueen · 10/10/2022 09:22

Stealing is disgusting. It's most likely to be him based on past behaviour but are you sure it's not one of the kids?

Original poster
motheru · 10/10/2022 09:24

May be it wasn't the best idea to leave that money laying about considering the history. We came back from holiday and I left it laying on top of baby changing table, you know when you come back there are always so many things to take care of so it was laying there covered with other things. Then I finally thought time to put it away and I did but when I looked it seemed that there was some missing (I got vat refund and was given that money in the airport in 100 euro notes just before we left so no way I spent it as we came back home straight). So there was only couple hundreds left when I know there should have been 600. So I thought let me put it away and may be I put the rest elsewhere so I searched around the house but no... I didn't even say anything to him.... So I put that money in the box hidden away, no way kids would have gotten to it. Came back to it just few days ago and now what's even worse there was no hundreds and 2 £5 notes were gone too. I am very sure where I put it... I was so confused and I heard him coming down the stairs so I quickly put money back in the box and put it away in the cabinet .... Over next couple days I kept saying to him every now and then... I don't remember where I put the money, has he seen it? As I want to go and put it in the bank... his reply was no. So yesterday I went back to the box... and all money was gone!! I thought I was going crazy. So I looked other places and found them in a totally different place, not in the cabinet in the box but we have shelves where we keep letters and paperwork next to there and it was there!! I know 100% I didn't put it there!! So he must have moved them!!

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 10/10/2022 09:29

He's stolen it. It didn't just walk off. He needs to leave

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 10/10/2022 09:33

Well, he stole hundreds from you. Sigh.

What does he do/ earn? Does he contribute to the running of the household? Are you the key breadwinner?

iRun2eatCake · 10/10/2022 09:43

Could any of the 4 DC take it?

Original poster
motheru · 10/10/2022 09:45

No way kids took it as it was inside a cabinet inside a box. Kids are 1-5 years of age even if they took it it would be very obvious laying around the house. Plus cabinet door has baby feeding chair in front that can only be moved by pressing release buttons which they wouldn't know how to do

OP posts:
Original poster
motheru · 10/10/2022 09:47

I am the breadwinner in the house, he is on benefits. We decided to do it that was when we had kids while they are little, we wouldn't be able to afford to put them all nursery to work full time so we decided he stays with kids while I make money till we both can work when they get bit older and since I would be able to make more cash I thought I should be the one making money for now

OP posts:
Dozycuntlaters · 10/10/2022 09:48

No you're not going crazy to blame him but I can understand the way you desperately don't want it to be him. Just so you know for sure if I were you I would deliberately leave some money out somewhere and see what happens. If it disappears which I am sure it will, you will know definitely and won't be able to doubt yourself. Stealing is the lowest of the low, let alone from someone you are supposed to love. Get rid.

knittingaddict · 10/10/2022 09:50

How is it that he is on benefits? Surely the benefits are claimed as a family?

Original poster
motheru · 10/10/2022 09:51

I don't know much about the system as I never been on benefits, I must know he goes job centre every other week. I don't see none of that money if he gets any

OP posts:
JasperJohnsPaintbrush · 10/10/2022 09:53

He's stolen it so he's a thief, and he's also gaslighting you by moving it around in an attempt to confuse you.
Years ago, I was with someone like this. He hated having to pay towards the bills and one day came home saying he' d lost his wallet so had no money that week. Didn't stop him going out drinking though, and a few days later what reappeared but the wallet! When I pointed it out he said that someone had found it and handed it to him. All very vague and suspicious.

Bottom line was, I made him leave as I didn't trust him after that. Do you trust your partner any more? You've already thrown him out once for the same thing.

Remove the cause, remove the doubt. Bin him.

knittingaddict · 10/10/2022 09:55

So he is claiming benefits fraudulently too? Any benefits claim would involve you if he lives in the home with you. You can't just decide not to work and claim benefits for being unemployed. How long since he last worked?

Swipe left for the next trending thread